


Eyes On the Sun - Levi x OC

by Rosedlevi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, snk - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:09:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 88,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3905833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosedlevi/pseuds/Rosedlevi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty-two-year-old Jaclyn recently succeeded in escaping the suffocating, dark underworld with her friends as she received citizenship within wall Rose. Being a minority coming from the underground and now living above, she's struggling to keep her head above water while longing for a clean break. Fearing to live underground again, Jaclyn takes on a high paying, but risky job request; to assassinate Levi, better known as humanity's strongest soldier. However, that's easier said than done as she who despised the military branches, is now their centre of attention whilst trying to keep her criminal past under the radar. Will she succeed or will they find out before she gets the chance to strike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will sort of be an intro to the story, I already have the ideas so now it's just the matter of putting it words. Please enjoy!

I scanned through the organized pile of papers making a complete mess out of it. "Be a bit more careful will you." Kay said, sounding slightly annoyed.

I let out a sigh, ignoring his commentary. "I see nothing, sorry." I leant back in the chair throwing my hands behind my head as I fixed my gaze on the ceiling.

"We didn't make any money the last two months." April spoke up in almost a whisper.

April. A girl that I 'rescued' four years ago. I stumbled into her while on the run for the military police, long story short; I decided that I wouldn't leave her on the filthy streets of the underground, so I took her home with me. I had told her she could stay temporarily but she's been here ever since and we became good friends, she was pretty much my family along with Kay. She had cut her once long ginger hair short like me, to her shoulders, two strands of hair always clipped backwards. She'd tell me how she strived to become more like me, and that even included in appearance, it was a bit creepy but I guess I didn't mind. She has a friendly look, always smiling and energetic, a lot of freckles trailing along her cheeks and nose. She has the same qualities as Kay, people trusted her in almost an instant.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again, observing her unsure frame standing a few feet away. "Don't worry." Kay and I said in unison.  
I watched the others in the room, studying their expressions. They all looked bit unsure. I had enough money left to feed us for little while, but that was about it. April was right; we were running low on money.

"Kay, isn't there a high paying job?" I stood up, looking up to face him.

Kay. He is along with April my closest friend. It feels like as if I knew him most of my life whilst I only know him for three years, but in those years we were almost daily together. He knew a lot about me, not just facts, he could read my body language, my expression and sometimes it was almost as if he could read my damn mind. Kay had a slim face with oval eyes. He had long dark, thick hair, two strands always cupping his face as the rest of it was tied together in a neat ponytail. He was tall and had an athletic body. He was the kind of man that radiates confidence like sunbeams and everybody would notice his presence when he walked into a room, he had this comforting aura about him which made people trust him easily.

Unlike me.

"I think I have something for you." He picked an envelope from his bag and threw it on the table. "I was hesitant about giving it to you, but it seems like I don't have much of a choice, huh." There was a hint of worry in his voice I knew he tried to conceal with a weak smile, but I knew him well enough to see through that.

I looked at the envelope, wondering what the letter inside could possible contain that made him sound doubtful. I picked the envelope up and ripped it apart, my mind filled with curiosity as I flipped the letter open and studied it.

"What does it say?" April asked tentatively. She leaned against the door, arms crossed as she raised her eyebrow.

My eyes scanned rapidly over the sentences as the words entered my mind.  
"It... It says, assassinate Levi." I looked at the sentence in disbelief, reading it over and over again to make sure I read it right.

I only got a first name but we all knew who it was referring to. I was supposed to kill the man they called 'humanity's strongest'? Every living soul inside these walls knew who Levi was. He was well known and respected for his outstanding titan slaying skills. Even if I could manage to take his life, I didn't feel comfortable doing so. It wasn't the killing that bothered me, I took almost every high paying 'job' so that I could fill our belly's with a decent meal at the end of the day. Jobs could vary from doing a simple break in to assassination to stealing.

"I have to think about it." I said throwing the letter back onto the table.

Ethan, Kay's best friend whom I somehow couldn't trust picked it up, his eyes widening while he read the letter.

"This pays you 40.000! How can you say no to that?!" He looked at me as if I were crazy considering not doing it. "It's not like you never killed before, what's different now?" He asked with a smug undertone in his voice.

"Shut the fuck up, Ethan." I muttered. I swear this kid gets on my nerves way too easily.

Right, I've killed people before, but most of them were notorious criminals which made everything so much easier. Time after time I convinced myself that they were better off dead, useless scum making life inside the walls just as dangerous as the outside world, in titan territory.

"It's the only well-paying job I have for now." Kay shrugged. "But that's not all; they want you to take him somewhere, the client apparently wants to question him or something before you... kill him." He sighed. "That means you'll have to join the Survey Corps, one way or the other join his squad and lead him to the client."

I was so lost in my thoughts I barely noticed that everyone's attention was directed towards me, awaiting my answer.

I snatched the letter out of Ethan's hand and put it safely in my pocket. "I said I'll think about it."

"40.000 is enough to provide us all with all the essentials we need for over 2 years, if not longer, consider that." He pointed out.

"It's up to her to make a decision, Ethan. After all she's the one who has to do it." Kay eyed me carefully. "Don't rush to a decision."

"Take the time you need." April smiled at me sweetly, now not looking as distressed like she was a few moments ago.

Doubt washed over me as I felt uneasy, this was a high risk job because it included authorities which I so desperately tried to avoid, and this job meant fucking joining them. Since we all had no real job like normal people, owning a store or working on land, we lived in the shadows of the criminal world. This live we lead was everything but secure, it always included some sort of danger.

Ethan was right though, if I can pull this off, at least we wouldn't have to worry about finances for a while. Maybe then we could all search for a real job and lead normal lives, the thought of that triggered something in me as if I found a new determination.

"No. I made up my mind. I'll do it. I'll accept the job."

.........

I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Mmh?" I hummed.

The door opened as April peeked around the corner kindly greeting me a good morning. "Kay has set up a meeting with an intermediary; they could be here any minute. He figured it was best to discuss here."

It probably was. I didn't feel comfortable meeting with shady figures of the underworld in places that were unfamiliar to me, even though meeting them here, in our own home, also wasn't without risk. Not that meeting with them in the first place was safe to begin with.

"Thanks, I'll be down in a minute." I yawned, slightly still in a sleepy state as I just woke up. As soon as I finished getting dressed I walked down the stairs, the bittersweet smell of coffee reaching my nostrils. Kay handed out a cup as I gladly took it.

"Thank you." I said as I took a big gulp, the warm liquid made its way down, warming my body.

"Ethan is meeting with the intermediary right now, they could be-" He was interrupted by the front door that flew open, Ethan stood at the other side of the threshold, stepping aside to reveal a man behind him who clenched a suitcase tightly to his chest with both arms. Somehow he looked familiar, my thoughts raced back and forth, where had I seen this man? He was dressed in a brown suit and had his black thin hair combed backwards.

Ethan signed for him to enter the house, he seemed hesitant at first but stepped inside anyways, now standing in the middle of the room observing April and Kay before his gaze fell on me. His expression seemed a bit disconcerted but it only lasted for a second as he regained his composure instantly.

"Ah, you must be her!" He chirped and reached out his hand for me to shake. I sat down next to Kay, pulling one feet on the chair as I rested my right arm on my knee. When I didn't shook his hand he continued speaking, "I'm here to instruct and inform you further on the job and to answer your questions." He explained on a more serious note.

I nodded in understanding as took place opposite of me at the table. He intertwined his fingers, letting his chin rest upon them. "The plan is for you to sign up for trainees and Join the Survey Corps within at least a year, taking your experience and skills into account that should be achievable. Make sure you don't stand out too much, try not to draw any unwanted attention." He took a deep breath before he carried on.

"That's the easy part."

So... What was the catch?

"And the hard part?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"After you joined Survey Corps you'll need to work your way into Levi's team. Try to get information out of him, who exactly is he, what are his weaknesses, that is all the client instructed me to inform you about. Any questions?"

Great. So I was not only supposed to join his squad but I was also supposed get to know the person whom I was leading into his early death. I preferred to know nothing about the people I dealt with, makes everything so much easier, no personal feelings involved, just slitting the throat of jet another human.

I sighed, putting my elbows on the table rubbing my temples. "Why is that important? I mean, if he'll be killed right after."

"Clients wishes, you need to inform him later on about the things you were able to pick up on. He examined my profile. "Also, you need to know your opponent if you're going to defeat them. You can't take any risks since we're talking about Ackerman."

There he had a point, if your enemy is stronger, you find his weak spot, you outsmart them, only then you'll be able to win the fight.

"I see." My eyes fell on the suitcase that lay in his lap. "What about the money? This job will take time, I need some in advance." I bluntly asked.

"But of course, I guess that means you accept the job?" He grabbed the suitcase off his lap and laid it onto the table, turning it as he unlocked the locks at both sides. "Will this do?" He glanced up at me with a smirk on his face, opening the suitcase.

"10.000 cash in advance. After you succeed in joining the Survey Corps you will receive another 10.000. In total you will receive 40.000 but I recall you were already informed about that."

Kay stepped forward lifting up a bill, examining it closely. "It's real." He said, the corner of his lips slightly curling up.

"So that means we have deal?"

"Yes you've got yourself a deal." I stood up, now accepting his hand as we shook it.

"Good, tomorrow the season for the new trainees begins, the client wishes you start immediately and join them. They'll be expecting you at the trainee camp first thing tomorrow morning, Mrs. Jaclyn." He now smiled.

"Understood." I nodded at him.

He left the suitcase with 10.000 on the table as he stood up, thanking me on his way out before I closed the door, leaning against it. I honestly didn't think they wanted me to start first thing tomorrow; I still had other jobs that weren't finished.

"Kay, Ethan, April?" I realized I don't have much of a choice. "I still have some unfinished-"

"We'll take care of it." Kay said as April and Ethan nodded.

"Don't worry Jaclyn we can do it." April said a broad smile marking her face, revealing those cute dimples.

I trusted them and their abilities so I decided to not dwell on it further.

"I know you can." I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be out; I have to visit someplace."

I walked out of the house as the fresh spring air filled my lungs, I inhaled deeply while I walked towards town. My mind was filled with thoughts about Levi, I didn't know what to expect, all I knew was that he was a well-known man, strong as an entire squad itself, but other than that? I walked down the empty streets, kicking stones on the way when I heard a faint scream from behind.

"What the hell?!" I yelped. My thoughts were cut off by someone running into me hard who then fell to the ground.

"Stop him! Please, he stole my purse!" An older woman yelled while hurrying our way.

I looked at the man who was already reaching for the purse that lay next to my feet. "Stealing from an old woman? Pathetic." I looked at him in utter disgust. He only huffed at my comment as he grabbed the bag.

He cursed under his breath and screeched with pain as I stepped on his hand which was holding onto the purse.

"Leave it and get lost." I demanded.

He looked up to me from underneath his hoodie. "I don't want to hurt a lady." He smirked. "Now let go before you leave me with no other choice."

"As you wish." I lifted my foot off the bag as I swung my leg backwards; the tip of my boot hitting his chin with full force, he fell backwards covering his mouth with his hands as he looked at me in disbelief. I grabbed him firmly by his collar, my knuckles colliding with his right cheek as I then forced him to his feet and pinned him up against the wall.

"Now pick up the bag, give it to the woman and apologize. I said dangerously slow. Or do you want me to get the police involved?"

"N-No...."  
He didn't seem so confident now. The woman had finally reached us and he did what he was told, quickly running off after. Coward.  
"I can't thank you enough! Can I do something for you?" The woman said, still panting from running.  
"No." I smiled at her. "Are you alright?"  
She put her hand on my shoulder. "Yes I am, thanks again my dear."  
I watched her as she walked off again, holding her purse tightly with both hands. Funny, a criminal like me, committing way worse crimes, was stopping a man like that. He probably has his reasons just like me, but at least I don't bother innocent people, until now that is. Levi is innocent, actually risking his life in the name of humanity and I was the one to take that away.

"Fucks sake." I sighed. I should probably stop overthinking this.

It was already late afternoon and a loud growl and empty feeling in my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten anything all day. I continued walking and when I reached town I bought groceries. "That'll be 24.50." An older man beamed at me. I reached into my pockets, handing over the money and walking away with a bag full of fresh goods.

_"It's not like you never killed before, what's different now?" - "40.000 is enough to provide us all with all the essentials we need for over 2 years, if not longer, consider that."_

"Fuck you Ethan." I murmured while walking along the empty streets, his words haunting me. "Can't believe I'm actually doing this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, my first chapter! I'm quite satisfied with it, I hope you liked it as well. I also realize it might be boring as there were only OC but Levi will join the story hopefully soon enough. Comments are always more than welcome! Stay tuned for the next update!


	2. Kaizuka

I sat at the kitchen table with April and Kay, sipping my cup of coffee in silence when I heard a knock on the front door. I was dressed and ready to go; today I was joining the trainee camp for who knows how long.

"That must be my ride." I sighed as I got up. Kay handed me my bag which contained some of my personal belongings I decided to take with me, not that I had much.

"Thanks." I said as I opened the door, a man stood next to a carriage with two horses in front, whoever arranged this wasn't close-fisted. When I turned around to face Kay he pulled me into a tight hug. "Be safe Jaclyn. I'm serious, I can't afford to lose you." He confessed quietly, whispering into my ear.

A faint blush appeared onto my cheeks, a bit startled by his words, it was heartwarming hearing him say that. I knew he cared about me but hearing him say it was another thing and that didn't happen too often.

"Yeah yeah, don't worry idiot, I'm not planning on dying there, ok?" I tried to shake his worry and the tinted color of my cheeks away.

Next was April who leapt into my arms. "If you need help sis..." She left the sentence unfinished.

"I know kid." I gave her a tight hug before letting go. "Oh, and stop calling me sis." I turned and waved them goodbye.

Ethan couldn't make it; maybe he was handling a job or some personal issues, oh well, it was none of my business anyways. I never got in his way and he never got in mine, besides annoying the hell out of me and being a cocky smart-ass that is.

Kay and April stood outside, leaning against the house and watching me get into the carriage. Was April tearing up? God this felt way too dramatic for my liking.

"Don't worry, stupid!" I yelled my words of comfort as the man kicked the horse that started to gallop. I watched the house fade into the distance, Kay and April became little dots on the horizon before completely fading away into nothing. I yawned, stretching my arms and back as I sat against the wooden seat, finally able to relax my muscles. The client, whoever it was had everything perfectly outlined into detail, when returning home yesterday from shopping and my little encounter with the thief, there was a uniform delivered which fitted me perfectly. They signed me in and now got my ride ready to the camp. The one that planned this put a lot of time in it, leaving little room for error. I wonder why this person or people wanted Levi gone, but then again, one thing I learned from doing jobs like this; never question the clients' intentions, simply follow orders and everything will follow according to plan. But this was clearly an exception and I told Kay to make sure we find out who was behind this and above all, why.

I looked outside the small window, it was still early morning as the sun made its way up into the sky, clouds turning from pink to white as the sun climbed higher. The carriage was abruptly brought to a standstill. "We're here." The man who drove me all the way here opened the door signing for me to step out. I gave him a little tip and thanked him goodbye.

Looking around all I saw were a few cabins, a watchtower and a large open space. This was it? "This is where I'll spend my next few months?" I complained in annoyance to no one in particular.

"Next few months? More like a year, if you're lucky." A rough voice behind me concluded. I jolted up at the sudden presence of the person behind me. I turned around to see a man standing with his hands placed onto his hips. He was dressed in a long green jacket, the trainee logo which I recognized with the swords, stitched onto it. His eyes seemed oddly deep sunken into place and he was completely bald besides a small goatee. He looked at me with narrow intimidating eyes, as if awaiting my reaction.

I didn't care to give one.

He pulled his eyebrow up and simply said, "Put your bag in the cabin and stand in line."

"Which cabin am I supposed to go?"

"I don't care; find a bed which is still free. Now hurry cadet!" The man pointed towards the cabins as his voice picked up volume.

I wandered around several cabins, all the beds I came across had bags on it, meaning they were occupied. I growled under my breath, already irritated on this damned early morning. There were a lot of people hurrying past me heading outside to stand in line with the others, they are all trainees on their first day here, just like me.

"Are you still looking for a room? There's one free bed left on mine." A boy smiled at me kindly. He looked quite cute, probably something like a year younger than me.

"Yes I am, thanks." I tried my best to return his smile.

I followed him as he led me to the room, it had two bunk beds and there was one other boy sitting on the bottom bed and one girl on the bed above him.

Time to show off your almost non-existent social skills, I thought to myself as I managed to force a somewhat believable smile onto my face. "Hey, I'm Jaclyn." I introduced myself, handing out my hand as they gladly took it. They didn't seem too bad; both looked like the types who took this serious unlike some other squealing trainees goofing around the place.

The girl introduced herself as Ella. She had an oval face, thick brown hair tied up in a ponytail, while bangs covered her forehead and a bit of her eyes, it almost looked like she was trying to hide under all that. I managed to get a glimpse of her eyes which are light brown of color.

The boy sitting on the bottom of the bed had introduced himself as Yuza, he had a rather long face, his piercing blue eyes stood out in contrast to his charcoal black hair that was straight and just long enough to reach his shoulders. He had perfect, straight white teeth and for just a second I found myself fascinated by his looks.

God, Jaclyn what are you even thinking?

Somehow he really reminded me of Kay. I wondered what his reasons were to join.

"That's yours." The boy who lead me here pointed at the other top bed as he pulled me out of my so out place thoughts.

"Yes, thank you." I smiled genuinely at him as I threw my bag on the bed.

"We need to join the rest outside." Ella remarked, jumping off the bed and heading outside, walking next to Yuza. I walked together in silence with the boy who was kind enough to offer me a place.

"Oh, I didn't even ask you for your name." I realized out loud.

"I'm Jonah, nice to meet you Jaclyn." He smiled.

"Likewise."

We stepped outside and joined the other trainees in line, the sun now high up in the sky as I enjoyed its heat on my skin. Something that was still precious to me ever since I got out of the underground.

The man in the long green jacket who had spoken to me earlier stood in front of us. All trainees now stood outside in 5 rows, there are probably around 80-90 of us here I roughly guessed. The man was randomly picking out people, asking them their name, where they came from, throwing in an insult here and there before continuing his little interrogation. He also then asked for a motive.

Most of them responded with something like, 'fighting for humanity, or 'to contribute to humanity's victory'.

What a pretty dream they must be living in. The human race never, but I mean never, won any battle against the titans. What was going to be different this time? I unwittingly let out a small chuckle at the thought.

All at once the heat of the sun was gone, blocked by a shadow, leaving my body cold since it was still spring and temperatures weren't that high in the early morning. The man in the green jacket stood before me, squinting his eyes. "What's so funny?!" He screamed at me more like a statement rather than a question.

Clearly I am unimpressed by his harsh tone but saluted for him like I saw everyone do. Who thought that me, Jaclyn, would ever salute for someone, especially authority figures. Guess it was something I should get used to since I was considered to be the lowest of the lowest, regarding rank.

"Nothing sir!" I shouted back.

Was this man even able to talk at a normal voice level?

"Name and hometown!" He yelled back at me again.

Guess not.

"I'm Jaclyn Rosenthal from the city Kaizuka, sir!"

Suddenly it was eerily quiet; all eyes from fellow trainees were directed to me in disbelief. I could hear people around me whispering 'isn't that the dangerous city? The underground city? She shouldn't even be up here, I bet she's from a family of criminals.'

My jaw clenched painfully at the last comment. Yes, I happened to be one, not that they knew, but the people living in the underground weren't all criminals like the 'upper-class' people claimed it to be. It was the harsh judgment that made something inside of me roar with anger, fucking privileged bastards actually thinking they were better. And then again, what do you expect when you're given no chances, it's either fight your way out or stay submissive to rot away in that hell hole.

I shot the guy who dared to say it out loud an angry glare but my attention was immediately brought back to the man standing in front of me, as he this time asked his next question in a normal tone of voice.

"Kaizuka, the city in the underground, huh? He looked at me with an expression I could not place, it looked like something between confusion and slight admiration as his facial features softened.

"Yes, sir." I now firmly but calmly replied.

"Motive?" He asked.

"To prove that the people from the underground deserve better. We're capable and strong people, something that the people from above still won't acknowledge. I hope that by succeeding to join Survey Corps, they will consider people from the underground to become soldiers too, sir."

I lied, but not entirely. Everything I said in my little speech like answer was true; I hated how everyone looked down on us, both literally and figuratively. But the real reason I was here was a bit different from that.

Only if they knew.

He nodded as he put his hand on my shoulder and I removed the fist from my chest. "I wish you best of luck, Rosenthal." He encouraged me.

I guess what I saw earlier in his eyes was something more like admiration rather than confusion. Not that I really cared much about it.

..............

I sat at the dinner table with Ella, Yuza and Jonah. Sometimes I joined the conversation but I was mainly listening, trying to avoid talking about myself since I had no real family, job or whatsoever, my life consisted of constant danger, sure they wouldn't even know existed, instead I tried to learn more about the people I was sharing my room with.

Ella's main goal was to eventually join the Military Police so she could safely live inside the most inner wall, Sina. I couldn't blame her, after all, most trainees shared that same goal and the luxurious worry-free life sure was tempting.

Jonah followed his father's footsteps and wanted to join the Survey Corps, apparently his father disapproved of him of joining even though he himself was a squad leader. Jonah told us he died last year during an expedition, so now he decided to join in the name of his father and his goal was to become a squad leader too.

Yuza hasn't yet decided what he would join; Military Police, Garrison or Survey Crops. He was here because he had lost his parents and all he owned, including his house to the destructive power of the titans within wall Maria. He is also the only person here that has seen titans first hand, in action. He was here rather as a necessity instead of free will, nevertheless he was determined and sincere. It was only two years ago when the titans broke the gate and invaded wall Maria, killing thousands of people. At that time I had just bought the house within wall Rose and news reached me several days later.

I glanced across the room, there wasn't a big age gap between me and most trainees as I expected it to be. Age varied from 15 to 24. Being 23 I was one of the elders but I wasn't in the minority. Jonah was the youngest of us at 20 years. Ella and Yuza were both 21 making me the of the three.

"You're Jaclyn Rosenthal, right?" A hoarse voice questioned. I turned slightly to look over my shoulder, seeing the boy who made the comment earlier on training grounds, was now standing behind me.

What the hell was he thinking? He'd better move the fuck away before I lose it, he isn't worth my time so I decided to ignore his soon sorry ass.

"Hey I'm talking to you!" He said this time louder, catching the attention of others in the dining room. Was he trying to create a scene or something?

"Get lost brat." I said whilst continuing eating my dinner in peace, taking a deep breath, I tried to contain the anger that was rising again from hours ago.

"Guess the people from the underground aren't even able to hold a decent conversation." He scoffed in a mocking tone, placing his hand on my shoulder.

Now the fucker stepped out of line, if you didn't live in the underground you had no right to talk shit about the people who did. That and the asshole made a big mistake by touching me. I grabbed his wrist that rested on my shoulder, stood up, threw him on the table and grabbed the back of his neck while my other hand pinned his wrists together behind his back.

"Listen closely you piece of crap, I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but I'll give you another one if you don't shut up. Now get lost." I hissed and let go of his wrists, kicking him back to his own table. All he managed after that were some curse words and threats that fell death to my ears before he left.

At least my message was clear.

Dinner was over and everyone headed to their cabins getting ready for the night, I took a shower, brushed my teeth and was the first to lay in bed while the other three were still up talking, getting to know each other better.

I had almost fallen asleep when I faintly heard someone say my name. "Jaclyn, are you still awake?" A voice I think that was Jonah spoke.

"Mmh." I groaned slightly annoyed while being pulled out of my sleepy state.

Don't ask about earlier I thought while I turned over to face them. Ella and Yuza sat on their beds opposite of mine and Jonah was sitting on a chair at the desk. Yuza continued to ask whatever Jonah was about to. "Where did you learn to fight like that?" He asked, looking at me thoughtful.

Of course, they had to ask.

I yawned and pushed myself up to my elbows. "What do you mean? I wasn't even fighting."

"What! You reacted so fast and got Carson down on the table in a second flat, that was amazing." Jonah's overly excited voice filled the room.

"Carson?"

"That's his name." Ella informed. She looked up to me, her long hair now hanging loose to her elbows, it was really long compared to me. I had bangs and my hair was cut to a length little below my jawline. Long hair just hangs in the way and it's not entirely ideal when fighting, therefore my hair was shorter but I liked it, it suits me better.

"I guess experience made me a better fighter."

Fighter... And killer.

No need to let them in on the details, right?

It was a simple answer but it seemed to hush them for now as they all nodded.

I turned around again and lay on the uncomfortable wooden beds with extremely thin mattresses. I closed my eyes again as the voices around me became vaguer, then not being able to place the words anymore, I drifted off as sleep consumed my mind like a dark cloud.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi will get introduced in the story soon! ^^  
> 


	3. Secret Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that I'm a few days late with updating this chapter but it's also the longest chapter I've written yet. Enjoy! :)

"Hey."

I felt someone softly nudging my shoulders. "Mmm." I groaned in annoyance, pulling the sheets over my face.

"Sleepy head." Someone chuckled. "Come on, or you'll get in trouble again."

I forced my tightly closed eyes open which were greeted by the blinding morning light entering the room. When my eyes adjusted to the sudden change in contrast, I saw Jonah sitting at the edge of my bed. "Missed you at breakfast again, so I thought I'd come and check on you. Are you alright?"

"I’m fine. What's so amusing, idiot?" I said, upon seeing him smile from ear to ear. I pulled the sheets away and sat up against the headboard, rubbing my still very heavy eyes. "Never mind, I don't want to know."

"What's this?"

"What is what?" I asked and yawned at the same time, opening my eyes again to see him holding my pillbox in his hands.

"Do you take these? They are really strong, do you realize that?"

I let out a soft laugh, rolling my eyes. "They're just sleeping pills, nerd. Nothing to be worried about.”

"Do you need such a strong dose? Why? And w-" I patted him on his head so he would shut the hell up.

"They make me forget about some things for a while, that's all you need to know." I said reassuringly.

"What would you like to forget?" He handed the pillbox over to me.

I let out a faint sigh, at times he could be so persistent. "I've seen some horrible things, these things tend to haunt me till I fall asleep." I said as his face grew more serious. "I can't stand seeing those images flashing before my eyes at night, so it helps me to sleep faster and more importantly, it helps with the nightmares. That's why, did I answered all your questions, want to know it all?"

Jonah had this weird talent of getting me to talk to him, to actually talk about myself. Where Kay had to force an answer out of me, with Jonah the answers unwittingly rolled from my tongue.

"Two more actually, where did you get it, you're only supposed to get it with a description. Also... What's up with the nicknames today?" He slightly smirked at his last question.

"To answer your first question, that's none of your business, second of all, get used to it.” I pulled my eyebrow up. “Or do you have a problem with it?" I now smirked back.

"Fair enough and no... not necessarily."

"Good, now go outside already otherwise we'll both have no dinner tonight." He did as I told and stood up walking out, but then again took a step back into the room. "What is it Jonah?" I said in a whining tone while I got up from bed, reaching for my uniform.

He seemed hesitant as he stood there at the threshold with his back to me. "It's just... If there's anything... If you want t-"

"To talk you'll always be listening. Yeah I know, thanks Jonah. But as long as I'm not searching for a listening ear it means I'm alright, so no worries. Now hurry, I don't want you to get in trouble because of me." He didn't turn around but just simply nodded in reply, when he walked away I could see a smile forming onto his lips. "Fucking idiot." I breathed out.

"Heard that!" He yelled from the hallway.

I shook my head as I stupidly smiled as well.

It's been a few weeks since I've entered the trainee camp and I succeeded in avoiding all  
one-on-one trainings unnoticed. Everyone was too consumed at the thought of defeating their opponents, so without a problem I pretty much just walked away into the woods where I'd find some shadow and privacy where I could go all out.

I quickly got dressed, brushed my teeth and headed outside to the training fields.

Everybody stood up and saluted, yelling “Yes sir.” in unison before parading onto the training fields. I strolled behind the rest, I really didn't feel like training with strangers, I once sparred with Jonah, it was fun but he was no real challenge and I figured none of the trainees would be. The sun was high up in the sky and everybody was already breaking up a sweat. I glanced around, almost everyone was linked to a partner so I decided now would be a good time to leave.

I casually walked away, heading for the forest when I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. “Want to spar?” A brown haired boy asked, looking like someone in his early 20’s. He had short chocolate brown hair and his cheeks were slightly pink due the heat. He looked strong, his muscles visible from underneath his shirt.

"Not really." I said while keeping on walking.  
"I've seen you sneaking out daily to the woods, what is it, you're scared to fight?"

"As if. I don't want to scare you, so please kindly fuck off." I replied and stopped walking. When I turned around I saw him lifting his fist and putting his feet slightly apart, ready to fight.Apparently we caught some attention, they saw me, a 'little girl' fighting this two head taller boy.

“Hey Arlo, don’t be too rough with her!” I saw Carson, the boy who's face I smacked into the table the very first day, shouting, followed by people laughing.

"Fine, but only because you insist." I sighed in defeat. With this many eyes on me now I can’t just walk away.

“I won’t go all out.” He said as if I’d be relieved by his little words of encouragements.

“Please do if you don’t want your ass kicked.” I smiled and lunged forward. He dodged my first fist but didn’t see my leg coming right after. My foot hit him in the middle of his face and I heard a crack underneath the force, blood already started spilling. I thought I heard a few curse words as he now looked up to me, his face bright red with embarrassment as his friends watched us. “Okay then, I won’t hold back.” He now already regained his confident posture.

“Try me.” I threatened, looking him dead in the eye, already bored with his big talk.

He moved fast, unexpectedly throwing me off my feet by kicking me onto the ground. His broad frame towered over me, leaving my body completely in the cold shadow. I jumped right back up into fight position, giving him a solid kick in the stomach, one fist in his face before he stumbled backwards.

“We’re done here?” I asked but it was rather meant as a statement.

My stomach growled, uncomfortably twisted and turned as I felt this all too familiar empty feeling. Right… I haven’t eaten anything since I overslept yet again. Also, all this exertion isn't helping either. I made my way through the little crowd and headed to the forest, I don’t care if anyone sees me at this point, besides there’s no one that would follow me anyway.

Abruptly I felt a stinging sensation burning at the back of my head. “What the fuc-“ I screeched before the boy threw a punch to my cheek. I stumbled backwards taken aback by his sudden move.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, attacking from behind?" I retorted. This guy really just pulled my hair, how weak.

“I'm not done just yet.” He eyed me with caution like he was a hunter, looking at me as if I were his prey.

I closed my eyes trying to contain my temper, clenching my fists hard enough to turn my knuckles white. I opened my eyes just in time to avoid his fist which just missed my face. "Coward. Well, I can play dirty too." I kicked the dry sand up into his face so he was blinded, I grabbed his wrist threw him with force on the ground. In a matter of seconds I was on top of him, drawing a blade from my sleeve and holding it against his neck, but only for us to see. I leaned over so our faces were close. "Listen big boy, I know this hurts your pride and all, but I really don't have time for this. So I'm going to stand up and walk away and you're going back to your little friends and continue training with them, ok?" My voice grew more annoyed at the end of the sentence.

The entire time I spoke his eyes were fixed upon the sharp blade. Don't get me wrong, I'd never slice his neck, especially here in this situation, but sometimes a little threat was needed. He nodded in understanding. "Ok."

"Good." I stood up and hid the knife back into my sleeve, I reached my hand out which he tentatively took and pulled him up in one go. I wiped the dust off my clothes as he did the same.

"But how did you get so strong, you always miss training..." He asked confused.

"I just trained myself." Was the most suitable reply I could think of. He just nodded again and walked back to Carson and the other blonde boy. "You couldn't even take her?" Carson laughed loudly. "Shut up, neither could you on the very first day when you face was flat against the table." He and the other blonde boy now laughed at Carson who threw his hands over each other in defense.

I continued walking till I found a suitable place in the shadows and decided this would be my training spot for today. I changed clothes, from the suffocating tight uniform to my shorts and a loose t-shirt. I sat on the ground, banding my feet and hands up to avoid injury. I did sit-ups, boxing movements and at last testing my strength against a tree, kicking it, one foot after the other hitting it like a boxing sack. The bandages stopped the force a bit, but I saw blood stains already started to form on top of my feet. Nevertheless I kept going, getting used to pain was another thing I trained myself on.

I heard faint voices behind me, the rustling of the leaves on the ground. Did someone follow me? I turned around fast to kick whoever stood behind me but my ankle was caught midair.

"Oh, sharp as ever Jaclyn." He grinned.

"Damn it Kay, you're late." He let go of my ankle as I stood here, slightly panting from the workout and swiping the drops of sweat from my forehead.  
"This little runt also had to come along and she delayed me." He shrugged.

"Jaclyn!" She screeched and came running to me with her arms spread. She hugged me tightly and buried her head in my chest.

"Ew, April, I'm covered in sweat you know." I pointed out.

"I don't mind." She beamed as she looked up to me. "Missed you."

I rolled my eyes and closed my arms around her. "Missed you too little punk." I confessed as I rested my head onto hers.

"Ahem." Kay coughed, drawing our attention.

"What is it, jealous?" She blurted out, annoyed and turning around to face him. "You get to see her daily." She pointed out.

Kay came up with the idea to meet up in the woods, behind the fence, a good distance away from the camp. Surely no trainees would ever come here so I saw Kay pretty much every day, after breakfast that I almost always missed, or after dinner. Once in a while he would bring April along but according to him, she was being rowdy and sluggish.

"Business first." He opined, ignoring April’s commentary.

"Right, what do you got?" I asked sitting down with my legs forward, leaning over to reach the tip of my toes. It felt good stretching my muscles after such a workout. April noticed the blood on my feet and she started unwrapping the bandage to clean the small wound and replace it  
with new bandages.

"I confirmed the identification of the client, I only need to find out his name. He is the one that gave the order to kill Levi and I think he personally chose you to do the job." He spoke picking up a few papers from his bag and spreading them out before me. ”This is the one." He tapped on a picture with a young male. "He is one of the higher ups from the Military Police."

"But that's not surprising isn't it?"

"It's not. With the little information we had we figured it could be someone from the Military Police. What's unusual is his position; he holds a great deal of power and influence. I don't know his motives yet, I wonder why someone like Levi would be in his way. It’s odd since their ranks are so far apart." He fell back to the ground scratching his head. “Such a bother.”

I leaned my head onto the palm of my hand. "You think you'll be able to find out, his motives?"

"It will take some time, but yes I'll be able to." He sat up again and stuffed everything back into his bag. "So… you got into a fight again?"

"Huh?" I was a little thrown off by his sudden question. "Pff, no, I don't always get into fights you know." I huffed crossing my arms in defense as I looked away. That was some poor acting Jaclyn I thought to myself.

"Oh come on, we can see right through that act. Besides..." He held his hand against my cheek, soothingly rubbing his thumb over a sore spot. "Your cheek is slightly swollen."

"Fucking know it all." I slapped his hand away.

"Did you win?" April asked excited in a high pitched voice.

"Of course I did." I smiled and winked at her.

"Ha, nobody is able to defeat you! Not even Kay." She said teasingly, looking over to him.

He threw his hands up "Not afraid to admit that." And April smiled to herself in satisfaction.

"Anyway, how's Ethan? And the jobs I left for you guys." I asked on a more serious note.

"He's been absent ever since you left, he comes home late and doesn't talk much." April explained looking into her lap.

"But he did his share of jobs though, all you left us with is done now." Kay said defensive. I and Ethan weren’t really friends or anything so it didn’t bother me too much, but it was clear April didn’t like it and Kay was getting all defensive. Understandable, since they’ve been friends even before we became companions.

"I see." I said while in deep thought. A loud growl from my stomach disturbed the silence.

"Missed breakfast again?" He said slightly laughing. "April, you brought some right?"

"Yes! Here you go, I made it yesterday especially for you!" She was looking through her bag and then handed me something wrapped in tinfoil.

"You made me cherry pie?" I gasped while looking at the delicious cake and my mouth started watering at the sight.

"Dig in." She beamed at me. So I did what I was told. Kay and April continued to talk about home, their jobs and daily life while I happily at my delicious breakfast.

"I need to pee." April interrupted her own story as she stood up and looked around.

"Can't you wait till we're home?" Kay sighed. "You have the bladder of a squirrel."

"When you need to go you got to go." She said walking off, unbothered by Kay.

Little moments like these, just the three of us talking about unimportant stuff, that's what I missed most these past weeks. I was overcome with intense nostalgia for the days I spent with them like this.

"She's really a hand full." Kay said, cutting through my home-sick thoughts.

"She's strong you know. Although you might forget that when she spouts some nonsensical things, she really is wise and mature. Try to trust her more."

April and Kay really cared for each other, a lot, sometimes I just had to step between them so they wouldn't go after each other’s throats. But don't be mistaken, they'd give their lives for one another without second thought. They had their own way of caring for each other I guess.

"Yeah, you're right."

Without warning someone fell between us, face down into the damp soil. "That's what you get for spying." April stood with her hands on her sides eying the person who lay on the ground. She reached behind her back and revealed her knife. She lowered her knees and pressed it to the neck of whoever it was that lay here.

"April, wait." I said, frowning as I realized who lay before me, I slapped my hand to my face. "What in the actual fuck are you doing here?" I grunted angrily.

"I am sorry." He turned his face to me that was covered in earth.

"You're a fucking idiot that's what you are."

I motioned for April to back away and they both looked at me in complete confusion.

"Come on, sit up." I told him which he did. April took place beside me but I noticed she didn’t put the knife away, she was still very cautious even though I clearly wasn’t. I reached for a towel underneath the pile of clothes and poured some water on it and started cleaning his dirty face.

"I-"

"Shh." I quickly wiped the towel over his lips to hush him.

"So you're going to tell us who the hell he is or...?" April asked impatiently.

I looked at hers and then to Kay’s confused expression. "Why don't you introduce yourself?" I said as I finished, putting the towel away.

"Uh... I am Jonah Milner, I'm a trainee and I share a room with Jaclyn back at the camp and-"

"That's enough for now." I interrupted him as I turned to face Kay and April who seemed completely dumbfounded.

"Jaclyn he was spying on us!" April threw him an angry glance before she turned to me again, her face directly softening again. "Why is he still aliv-"

"Shut up." I said so she wouldn't say anything thoughtless like she would do at such times. Based off Jonah's reaction I think he didn’t understand or hear what she meant to say. Also I didn’t think he heard our conversations about Levi and the higher up from the Military Police. That is unless he stood there for at least half an hour, which was highly unlikely knowing Jonah.

I pulled one leg up and rested my elbow on it, leaning my head against the palm of my hand. "Please, explain yourself." I pulled up an eyebrow at him. He better has a reasonable excuse or these two will slaughter him, and I can't let that happen.

"I heard from the others you walked away after a fight, so I decided to walk up to the direction they said you left, then I got a little lost and suddenly she threw me on the ground." He looked over to April and back to me. "But hey, I found you." He shrugged and shot me a weak smile. A weak smile for Jonah that is, the guy always smiled, his weak smile was probably me beaming.

"I swear I wasn't spying like, I just got here."

"It's fine, I believe you."

"I don't." Kay blurted out.

Jonah opened his mouth but I simply slammed my hand over his face. "Don't explain yourself further. Come on, we need to head back or they'll notice we're gone." I got to my feet and pulled Jonah up. "You already start walking, I'll catch up." I said as he nodded.

"Nice to meet you guys… I guess." He smiled and waved before he hurried away.

When he was out of earshot I started talking again. "I know it looks bad, but he's alright, believe me."

"I want to believe you, but I can't believe a strangers word."  
"Well he's not a stranger to me. I know him, if he really heard us discuss that his face would’ve given him away. He really looked oblivious."

"So you're going to let him walk off like that even though there's a chance he might've overheard it?" April asked confused. "What is it, you like him?" She opened one eye to look at me when I didn’t gave a response.

No I didn't. Yes he was a nice guy, to everyone, always smiling. He kept me a bit sane with all the other idiots around. But no I didn't like him. Not in the way she was interpreting it at least.

She gasped and looked at me wide-eyed. "Is that it? You like him? I didn't know that that is you're type. But hey, we can still learn a lot about each other. But isn't he a bit young? I mea-"

I threw the towel in her face. "Idiot, I don't like him." I picked my uniform up and started changing into my uniform. "Now drop the damn subject."

Kay leaned against a tree and was suddenly quiet for his being. He ignored our dialogue as he casually looked around, observing the woods as if we were here sightseeing.

"Your body got even more toned." April looked at me in admiration.

"Well I don't have a lot to do besides train so..."

"Amazing." She whispered and kept staring at me.

"Stop staring, you're creeping me out." Even though they had seen my body countless times I still felt uncomfortable. I was covered in scars, a lot of little ones here and there but I was particularly aware of the large one across my stomach.

"Sorry… I'm also going to train more!" She proclaimed happily.

"You do that." I patted her head and pulled her into a hug when I finished dressing. "April, try to be easier on Kay, he's doing his best for you. I'm not saying you are, but try not to be bothersome, okay?" I whispered while holding her tight. She nodded. "I have to hurry back now. See you in two days?" I looked to Kay who only hummed in response.

I let go of April and walked over to him. "Are you mad or something?" I wondered. He stretched his arms and pulled me in a hug, planting a soft kiss on my forehead. "Two days from now after breakfast and make sure you don’t miss it this time." He let go of me and walked away, motioning for April to follow him.

"See you!" She waved as she ran over to Kay, walking beside him.

"Whatever." I sighed as I jogged back to the camp, meeting Jonah halfway, now walking beside him.

"Sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to interrupt you like that."

"You heard nothing right?"

"No."

"Don't ask me questions, then there's nothing to be worried about." I looked over to him, he stared at the ground, turning his thumbs. "She really got you huh?" I lifted his head. "You got a wound on your chin."

"She's surprisingly fast... and strong." He said the frown on his face fading. "Her moves reminded me of yours, did you taught her that?"

"I did. When I started training her she was a brittle girl, so I made sure she ate well and she trained hard for a long period of time." I stupidly smiled at myself when recalling those memories. "Now she won't even blink while fighting."

"Seems like a tough one. What about the guy?"

"I never trained him or something, but we used to train together. He's pretty strong too."

"Better than you?"

"He's physically slightly stronger, but I own the techniques better." I explained to Jonah whose face was now wrinkle free.

"Care to learn me?" He excitedly asked.

"I'm not a personal trainer you know." He looked slightly disappointed by my reply as his smile faded. "Fine, maybe someday."

"I have one question though."

"Didn't I tell you no questions?"

"But-"

"Jonah look at me." I stopped in my tracks and waited for him to turn around and face me.

"What if I heard what you guys said back there, what would you do?" He said his face looking doubtful as if he’s playing with his life. Actually if he keeps this up, he just might be doing that.

"Don't fucking try me." I took a step closer to him. "I'll ask you again." I leaned my hand against the tree behind him. "And don't lie to me Jonah. Did you hear anything?"

Say no. Please say no. I don't know what to do if he in fact did hear us, talking about Levi and such. No... I know exactly what to do, but I don't want to. Somehow my brain resented every idea of hurting him, but I know I have to, if he really did-

"No, I didn't. Sorry for pushing you like that."

My body relaxed in relieve but tensed up again as anger and annoyance took over. "The girl is still used to the underground rules. Down there, if someone spies on you it means you're in trouble." He opened his mouth again to talk but I grabbed his collar and smacked him against the tree. "Shut up and listen, I'm talking." I held my finger against his lips. "She had a rough past and is still wary of people, consider yourself lucky that she didn't cut your throat the minute she noticed you." I let go of him and took a step back. "Because that's how things go in the underground, that's why I know how to fight, because knowing how to fight means being able to survive."

"But you're blinded by the beautiful world up here you don't even realize a place like that exists, right?" I looked back at him. "I'm finished, you may talk." I said as I saw his lips were still tightly pressed together.

"Y... You're right... I knew it exists, but I was... am so selfish to never even give it a second thought." I walked past him and walked back to the camp as he walked two steps behind me. "I can't even imagine."

"Good. Don't try to, it's useless since you'll never step foot in there."

We continued walking in silence till we reached the camp and Jonah wisely hadn't asked further questions.

Days, weeks and eventually months rolled by as the day of graduation grew closer and closer. Soon I'll leave this stupid place with stupid people and then I'll get to start the real job.

I saw Kay and April almost every week. Kay was able to bring more information; I learned the man behind the pictures he showed me was named Zack Ross, a young but highly influential person within the Military Police. We still didn't learn about his motives to eliminate Levi but Kay realized their paths may have crossed when Levi joined the Survey Corps, back when Zack wasn’t that important of a person. But that was roughly six years ago, so why he would act now, we don't know. Furthermore Kay found out he has a younger brother, Dominic Ross that was currently in duty within the Survey Corps and he had joined only three years ago. He also brought photos of him as well, he was 25 years old, only 2 years younger than Zack but somehow they had this huge position difference.

All I needed to know for now is who offered me the job, and now that I do, I can go forward. Nothing will hold me back; I'll do anything to secure the future of Kay and April, even if it meant killing Levi, humanity’s strongest soldier.


	4. Top Of Class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed some of the ‘rules’ as it’s different from the anime. In my story there are 2 selections, the trainees that are good enough will pass within one year while the rest has to continue training for the second selection a year after. Also there is a major time gap as a year passed by. This was just to clear up any confusion!

The following year passed by, everyone had trained hard and now possessed over the skills necessary to kill titans. Those who already seemed capable enough to join the Survey Crops, Garrison or the Military Police, could prove themselves today as it was the first selection. Only the top ten would be able to join the MP though and I secretly hoped Ella would pass, she took training so serious and she really worked her ass off to reach that position. Those who will join the Military Police will get 2 weeks of extra training right after.   
  
I wondered why. Hell, working there was the easiest and safest and job out of the three. Instead of giving the newbies of the Survey Crops extra training who would fight titans first hand, that they most definitely could use, the pigs decided it was best to waste their time on those who avoided fighting titans at all cost.  Fucking Military logic.   
  
Rumors were that Erwin Smith and his right hand Levi would personally attend the tests today and decide along with other higher-ups who are and who aren't ready to join them. I picked up little information about Erwin from conversations of trainees, I never heard someone say a foul word about him. He was a respected man, why? I had absolutely no idea, but I guess I was going to find out firsthand when I would join Levi’s squad. Apparently they seemed to work close together.   
  
All trainees were dressed in uniform, our look completed with the 3d maneuver gear. I was teamed up with my roommates; I haven’t seen them in action before since I almost always managed to skip training and headed into the woods instead. Continuing training there in peace, on my own terms; I didn’t need old men screaming at the top of their lungs, or whining trainees. I was best off training alone.   
  
Now we were standing on top of the roofs within wall Maria. Yuza, Ella, Jonah and I we were team #7. The goal was to stick together and kill as many titans as possible while the higher ups watched us making a decision on whether we were good enough to pass. That meant Erwin and Levi were also up there.   
  
A green flare stained the cloudless blue sky. The signal for us to start. “Yuza go left for the 5-meter class, Ella head for the 7-meter class, Jonah you keep up with me and assist me with the 15-meter class. After you’re done head back to me and Jonah to wait further instructions.” I commanded.   
  
They themselves chose me as their leader for this test. Even though I refused at first, I realized soon it was better than being commanded around. But then again, I don't want to hold responsible for their lives. I just want to pass and get this over with. 

Yuza and Ella did as I told and flew away using their gear. “Jonah, follow me.” I said looking behind while making our way to the ugly titan. I chose Jonah to stay put with me because if he succeeded, he would also join Survey Corps and since he wasn’t too bad I secretly hoped he passed along with me.   
  
“Jaclyn, instructions?” He shouted from behind awaiting my strategy.   
  
“You distract it while I go around it and kill it, understood?” I nearly had to shout over the roaring sound of the titan.  
  
“Understood!”  
  
Jonah stayed behind luring the target his direction him while I unnoticed made my way around it. It worked; the titan moved his large body awkwardly but fast towards Jonah. I made a big swing around a tower and now flew freely in the air facing the back of the titan, my cables hit the neck of the titan; I rushed forward at full speed before slicing my blades into his neck, killing it in one effortless move.  
  
“That was good!” Jonah screamed from a distance. I rolled my eyes at his usual overly excited tone. I saw Yuza and Ella also succeeded and were already heading our way. In the distance I saw 6 titans approaching, fast. Four 15-meter and two 7-meter class, god they looked fucking ridiculous, running and destroying everything in their path.   
  
“Yuza, you handle the 15-meter titan on the right, Ella and Jonah you two work together and finish those 7-meter titans, I will take care of the other three.” I instructed.  
  
“Yes.” They all said in unison and immediately turned away to face the enemy. It seemed like they didn’t question my leadership or fighting abilities because they didn’t hesitate to leave me alone with three titans. Where did that trust and sureness came from?  
  
“Ok Jaclyn, Focus.” I said to myself taking a deep steady breath.   
  
I leaped forward heading for the two nearest titans while I landed on the top of a church tower. The titans gave me a hungry look, trying to climb it. “Tch, you creatures can’t even climb, huh? Just stay still and I’ll finish you quick.” Did I just really catch myself talking to them? I let out a soft chuckle, ok get a hold of yourself Jaclyn. I reminded myself people were watching my every move.   
  
I jumped gracefully from the building, arms spread out and like a vulture as I eyed my prey. How wrong and dark as it may sound, I could finally fight, kill, spill blood, my violent old self, rising again in the heat of the moment. I decided I would take down the 15-meter first and as soon as his neck was in sight I twisted rounds in the air and cut off his neck, a piece of flesh flew in the air along with the red juices escaping it’s body.  
  
Good that was one, two to go.   
  
The following two went down easy as any other titan I faced so far. When I landed back on a roof from my last kill, my attention was brought towards a scream I heard on the right.   
  
Yuza?  
  
Oh shit. It was him.  
  
I turned around to see him being thrown into a building. Without thinking I jumped in the air, my cables pulling me closer to where his now limp body was laying on the ground.   
  
Fuck.   
  
The titan was already reaching for his body. I saw him twitch in agony, trying to get to his feet. Why didn’t he get the fuck out of there already? “Yuza, use your gear and get away!” I screamed while moving forward on full speed.  
  
“I have a malfunction!” He desperately tried to launch his cables but with no success.  
  
Why did these kinds of things always happen at the worst possible times? “Hide behind the house till I give further instruction!”  
  
I saw a fresh cut in the neck of the titan, Yuza didn’t cut the back of his neck properly and the titan was already almost fully healed. When he was out of sight the titan suddenly turned around which I didn’t saw coming. I flew right into its hand that he held open, meant for me to land in. This fuckers’ movements were much more precise, it probably was an aberrant they talked about during classes, the titan must’ve noticed me long ago.  
  
He slowly brought me to his enormous mouth, its saliva hanging from top to bottom. Ella and Jonah were probably too busy to notice me in the titans grasp. I remained calm, if I learned something as a criminal it was that panicking never helped. Never. I noticed a swift movement at the side of my eyes.  
  
“Ella? Jonah?” I said out loud in confusion. Where the heck were they when you needed them?  
  
“If it isn’t Jaclyn Rosenthal, having a little problem?” A voice I recognized called out. I refused to ask people for help, but I now was facing death straight into the stinking mouth of the titan.  
  
“Carson! This is no time to fuck around, do something.” I said my voice steady as ever while struggling in the tight grasp of the titan.   
  
“Didn’t you tell me to get lost?”

What! He never got over what happened on the very first day? I even almost forgot about it.   
  
“Carson for fucks sake thi-.” I began but was cut off.   
  
“Carson, kill the titan!” Yuza demanded from the ground revealing himself from behind the building.   
  
Damn this titan was taking his time.  
  
Carson acted as if he Yuza wasn’t even there. “Go back to the underground.” He gave me a mocking smile before adding, “Where you belong.” He turned around and left me here to die, not even doubting whether to help me or not.  
  
I twisted and turned in the titans grip but it was useless. My body alone wasn’t enough to get out.  
  
So was this it then?  
  
This is how I die?  
  
Hell no.  
  
I refused to become titan food, not today, not ever. Also, Carson wasn’t going to get away with this, the bastard would pay. I’m going to make sure of it.  
  
The titan placed me in its mouth while I heard Yuza scream words I couldn’t place. As soon as his grip loosened I sliced through his hand, cutting it off. It became darker and my vision was minimal as the titan closed its mouth while I was holding on to its tongue. Taking what was probably the last chance I had, I jumped my way out through the thick curtain of saliva and suddenly I was out again. The sunlight stained my eyes and blinded me for a second.  
  
It was all white, I felt the wind rushing past my body as I fell down. When my sight returned to normal I immediately made my way to the back of its neck, slicing it and killing the titan who then fell to the ground. Sweat was prickling my forehead, I felt sick and dizzy. I stood on the roof and decided it was best if I sat down for a moment.  
  
Drops of red fluid dripped on the roof tiles. Confused I looked up, where was it coming from? A drop tickled its way from my forehead and fell on my eyelash, I blinked it away and swiped my forehead with the back of my hand. My eyes widened at the sight, it wasn’t sweat, I was bleeding? When did that happen? I tried standing up but fell back again, suddenly feeling nauseous while an all too familiar iron scent filled my nostrils. I grabbed my head with both hands trying to contain my consciousness.   
  
I heard faint sounds of gas tanks nearing. “Jaclyn! What happened?” Jonah screamed, his voice sounded slightly anxious. He and Ella landed on the rooftop and hurried towards me.   
  
“Yuza is still on the ground, get him up here.” I said to no one in particular. He wasn’t safe on the ground without functioning gear. At least I could still think straight.  
  
Jonah kneeled besides me supporting me with his hands, keeping my back straight. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” I slapped his hand away and this time successfully stood up again. Ella brought Yuza to the rooftop and he calmly explained what happened. My body flared up with anger when he mentioned Carson, that son of a bitch was going to pay for leaving me here to die in the filthy hands of a titan.   
  
A green flare now once again flew up in the sky; meaning the tests are over. Jonah carried Yuza while all the trainees made our way back to wall Rose.  
  
We arrived at HQ where all trainees had gathered.  
  
“Jaclyn you’re still bleeding.” Ella pointed out.   
  
“I’m good.” Actually, I felt giddy and had to steady myself. I leaned against the brick wall and dropped my head against it, closing my eyes for a second.  
  
“Still alive then?”   
  
My eyes flew open as my head jerked up. He stood in front of me, arms crossed and a stupid grin plastered on his face. I pushed myself off the wall ready to smack that smile off his face but I was stopped by Yuza who stretched his arm to stop me.   
  
“You’ll get in trouble. Yuza said looking over his shoulder to me. “He’s not worth it.”

As if I cared if I got in trouble, my fists were itching, ready to collide with his face.  
  
“Yuza Dorman, right? If I were you I’d-“   
  
We will never know what he was about to say because I leaped under Yuza’s arm and blew a strike at his stupid face. He shifted unsteady on his feet, startled by my sudden move. He cursed under his breath, fingers trailing along his lips where blood was seeping out.  
“You fucking rat.” He spat at me, his voice full of resentment.  Exactly why did he hate me?  
  
“Fight me.” I challenged.  
  
He sprang up, throwing fist after fist at me. I all dodged them with ease, his anger and frustration growing by the second. I noticed the little crowd gathering around us and when Jonah called out my name I lost my focus for a second. He took the opportunity; his fist hitting me in the face.   
  
“You fucking shit.” I hissed under my breath, swiping the still running blood from my forehead.  
My head was throbbing, dizziness increasing. That was my queue, now it was my time to attack before I would fucking faint or something.   
  
I punched him in his stomach which caught him by surprise as he hunched over in pain, growling inaudible words. I grabbed his head with both hands and gave it a firm blow with my knee as I threw his body back on the ground. I heard people around me gasping in what sounded like surprise but paid them no further attention.  
  
He lay on the ground, both hands covering his bloodied face. “Why aren’t you pretty?” I said in a mocking tone.  
  
My body hunched over his as I continued to punch him in the face, stomach – basically anywhere I could get my hands on. He screeched out in pain as he tried to block my blows. He got hold of my left wrist throwing me aside; I rolled over the grass before coming to a halt against the brick wall.   
  
He hovered over me, looking down on me before sending a blow into my stomach with the tip of his boot. It immediately resulted in coughing and I got to my knees, my right hand keeping me off the ground while my left hand filled itself with blood that seeped from my mouth.    
  
I made it to my now unsteady feet again, Carson standing only a few meters away. “Is that everything you got Carson?” A frown made its way onto his face. He kept his left hand up signing for me to come to him. Come on Jaclyn; give the fucker what he deserves. If it weren’t for me feeling like shit right now, the fight wouldn’t even last a minute.  
  
I hurried over, grabbing his arm that was stretched out towards me and throwing him onto his back while holding his arms in place.  “Now why won’t you tell me, what the fuck your problem is?” I realized all trainees were now formed up in a circle, shouting words I couldn’t place in my dazed state. I tried to focus my now hazy eyesight.  
  
“Rat, go back to the underground tunnels.” He randomly insulted me again.  
  
Abruptly I felt a stinging sensation burning in my left hand.   
  
“What the fuc-“ I managed before the boy threw me off again.  
  
I stumbled backwards noticing the deep cut in the palm of my hand. The bastard cut me?  
He grasped my collar firmly, smacking me against the wall, a blade held against my neck. It was so shiny I could see my own reflection in it, noticing my bloodied head.  
  
“Stop it!” Jonah screamed, quieting the crowd of trainees. Carson looked over his shoulder to Jonah, probably about to throw an insult at him. I took my chance as his focus was now directed to Jonah and grabbed the blades’ sharp edges with my bare hands, turning it away from my neck, turning it away. Time to get this over with.  
  
I kneed him in the stomach at which he fell, now coughing up blood too. I put my hand into his face burying the back of his head into the ground, I got hold of the blade again, pushing it hard enough into his neck causing a small cut, blood now starting flowing from the cut.  
His eyes bulged while I pushed down with all the power I got left in my shaky body. I heard faint screams at the back of my mind while I dazed off into a dreamlike state, not even realizing my surroundings anymore.  
  
“Jaclyn, stop it!”  
  
Someone took my trembling wrists into their hands, pulling it off Carson’s neck. The blade slipped through my fingers as my grip loosened. My senses kicked back in as I felt every sore muscle in my body, my left hand stinging from the cut Carson inflicted, my body felt sore, my head throbbing.  
  
I got to my feet as a man pulled me up, I turned around to see who stopped me from nearly killing the boy. A man dressed in a Survey Corps uniform, he wore the green cape with the ‘wings of freedom’ logo stitched onto it. The man had black hair and was the same height as me. He was still holding onto my wrists while looking at me with narrow eyes, a frown visible on his face. I noticed the higher ups standing a bit further away, observing the scene with caution.  
  
"That's enough." He concluded. Exhausted and breathless I felt too tired to even respond as I just stood there.   
  
Fuck. This wasn’t good. I was supposed to stay under the radar and work my way into the Survey Corps. While I was mentally beating myself up Yuza, Ella and Jonah now stood by my side eyeing me with worry.

“I’m fine.” I said, feeling like absolute shit. I just wanted to lay down for a bit, take a shower, and get this sticky blood off of me, half of it was probably Carson's. That thought made the edges of my lips turn upwards.

“Jaclyn Rosenthal, right?” The man spoke again, still firmly holding onto my wrists.

"That would be me." I looked up, observing his face closer. His eyes are dark brown, almost black. He had a slim face and had this undercut. He was kind of attractive I thought to myself, he was..... Levi.  
  
Levi?

I noticed how tense everyone was, probably because Levi, also known as humanity’s strongest soldier and also a squad leader, was standing here.

Not that I could care what rank he held. I refused to think higher or lower of someone just because they were in a better position or not. We were all just human, I'll judge you with my own two eyes and decide for myself I respect you or not.

"Time to announce top ten graduates!" A voice called out, probably one of the higher ups.

Levi gave me a single nod and he let go of my wrist, throwing it back. I returned the nod and he moved to the front to stand beside what was most likely Erwin Smith.

“For the trainees graduating today, you’ll be able to choose among the three Military branches. You can join as a member of the Garrison and guard the walls and cities. You can put your lives on the line as a member of the Recon Corps and fight the titans in their own territory. Or you can become a member of the Military Police and serve the King within wall Sina.” The man eyed the trainees before continuing. “Of course, only the top ten are allowed to join the Military Police.”

Erwin came forward with a piece of paper in his hand.

“I am Erwin Smith, commander of the Recon Crops.” All trainees saluted so I decided to join managing a feeble salute. “Today you will choose a branch of the military. Putting it bluntly, I am here to persuade you to join the Recon Crops.” Well at least he was straight forward. “During your test just now, you learned how terrifying titans can be and that not everyone made it back today.”

Wait, trainees died today?

I looked over the crowd of trainees and saw a girl standing next to me, her face buried in her hands, tears slipping from her weeping eyes. She was sobbing while her knees were trembling. When I paid closer attention I noticed the mournful faces around me, I was too focused on Carson just now to notice.

“However, you did and are capable of fighting titans, if you join the Recon Crops you will become an excellent soldier with a high survival rate. Question yourself; are you willing to offer up your beating hearts in the name of humanity?” He took shut his eyes, took a deep breath before opening them again. “Any of you willing to risk your lives, I’ll see you at Recon Corps headquarters. That’s all.”

I guess he felt it was needed to give us an extra speech in order to pursue us to join him, even though his speech wasn’t that motivating at all, rather discouraging. Not that it stopped me of course.

“Now I will announce the top ten.” He broke the silence again, in a lighter tone of voice.

“Top of class is; Jaclyn Rosenthal.”

I heard words of doubt and disbelief filling the air. I mean even I was quite astonished; I knew I belonged in that list but I almost died on battle grounds today.

“Soldiers like her are unprecedented of significance for the survival of human kind. She proved today she possesses over great leadership, skills and a sharp mind.”

I was a bit taken aback by the defensive words of Erwin when he noticed attitude of the others, I could feel their eyes burning holes in my back. I avoided any unnecessary chit chat with them so they knew nothing about me. After all I can’t really blame them for their dubiousness.

He then continued naming the rest. Ella was listed fourth and Yuza as seventh, I hadn’t seen them killing the titans just now but I knew they had it in them.

“Tenth place: Carson Alcott.”

I noticed Carson was on his feet again, bloodied and all he stood front right from me, that stupid grin I had wiped off, was slowly returning to a crooked smile. I didn’t give him what he deserved, but if he dares to come up to me one time again I’ll make sure I will.

That also meant Jonah didn’t make the list. Not that it mattered; he wouldn’t join the Military Police even if he got the chance. I turned around to face the three. “Yuza, Ella, made your choices already?”

“Yes, Military Police it is.” She said smiling like I’ve never seen her do before.

“Yeah, me too.” Yuza said less excited. “It’s just… If it wasn’t for you.” He now turned to face me. “I’d be dead right now.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it.” I reassuringly smiled.

Titans were brutal and ruthless. No one could blame him for retreating last minute and joining the Military Police instead, especially since Erwin had held his inspiring speech.

“What about you two?” Ella asked.

Jonah put his arm on my shoulder leaning onto me. “Survey Corps it is for us!” He beamed. God he could be so annoying, despite that I couldn’t help the smile that crept up on my face. I took a step aside in what resulted Jonah falling to the ground.

“Hey!” He yelped rubbing his head.

“So I guess this is where we part ways.” Yuza reminded us all.

“Yeah but we’ll see each other around.” I held out my hand to them.

Yuza took it as he without warning pulled me into a hug. “Why so formal?” He laughed. “I’ve known you for a year now.”

I pushed myself out of the hug, slightly embarrassed by his sudden move. I shrugged as now Ella pulled me into a hug too. “Take care.” She muttered as she stepped away again. Ella and Yuza said their goodbyes to Jonah as they walked off, starting the next chapter of their lives, now as a member of the Military Police within wall Sina.

“Come on, we also need to get going.” Jonah nudged me to move.

“Yeah.” I breathed out, looking up at the sky which colored bright glows of orange and red, the day was nearing its end.

I was starting a new chapter too, the second phase of my job which meant joining Survey Corps. I could finally close the first after one, long year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the first, fast appearance of Levi. From now on he will become an important character to the story.


	5. Friendly Duel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated on time! Enjoy :)

"How on earth is this possible?" Jonah asked breathlessly, lying on the ground once again as I hovered over him. It was late afternoon and since I'm unable to skip training here at Survey Corps I decided to train a little longer with Jonah.   
  
I sat on the grass and took place beside him. “You’re not bad yourself.”  
  
“But?” He stretched the word out, sounding like a whining five year old.   
  
I let out a faint sigh. “But.” I mimicked him. “You’re easy to distract, try to keep your eyes on the target at all times, make better use of your surroundings and also, only use your upper body to avoid attacks, if you manage to improve that you might actually beat me.”   
  
“That’s all?” He laughed heartily. “These are the things they don’t teach me during training.”   
  
“That’s because we are trained to fight titans, not humans, and you own all the necessary skill to annihilate them.” I reassured him. “Even though they’re not our only enemy.” I softly murmured.   
  
He might not be the best fighter when it comes to battling humans but he surely was outstanding when it came to using the 3d maneuverer gear and blades. He didn’t made the top ten and during training he almost never won but I know, when the time comes he’ll be the last man standing. People underestimated him big time, even him himself.  
  
“May I ask you something?”   
  
“Sure.” I lay next to him as we both looked up the flawless blue sky. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sunlight that heated up my skin.  
  
“I wondered… and spit it out if I’m asking too personal questions, but do your parents also live above ground?”   
  
I never talked about my parents, nobody asked and if they did, I didn’t have all the answers myself. I doubted for a moment before I spoke, “Ever heard of Ilse Hillard and Evan Rosenthal?”   
  
He pushed himself off the ground and sat cross-legged. “The doctors couple?”  
  
“They abandoned me when I was five years old; they went to live above ground within wall Sina to serve the residents there in their profession as doctors. An older woman which also lived in the underground took care of me, she died when I was thirteen and at last I got custody of the house. Long story short.”

Jonah seemed to be in deep thought and I just closed my eyes again. "Don't you want to visit them?" He started. "Now that you are a member of the Survey Corps that's shouldn't be too much of a problem. I can help arrange something if you want?"   
  
"Thank you Jonah. But in my eyes they aren't my parents. Sure, as a matter of fact they are… but I don't view them in that way."   
  
"Because they abandoned you?"   
  
"And never tried to get me out of there. They're well known and earn a lot of money, I’m not sure as to why but they’ve never put in the effort to even contact me."   
  
“I really admire you Jaclyn. You’re strong, independent and not afraid to speak up. All the qualities I seem to lack.” He said with a smile on his face. How is this boy able to talk about himself like this with that expression? “I can really learn from you.” He added at last.  
  
I peeked through one eye. Jonah was sitting up straight and looking at me, not bothering to hide the fact he was staring.  
  
“Thank you, I guess.” I closed my eyes as my lips turned into a faint smile. It wasn’t like people complimented me often, so it was nice to hear.   
  
I lay back on my back again, the scents of grass and the summer air tingled my nose as I inhaled deep, even breaths. I listened in serenity to the birds humming, the flapping of their wings, flying freely in the air. After being locked up in the underground for so long, without something as simple but essential as sunlight, this felt like a gift from the heavens shining upon me.   
  
“Jaclyn Rosenthal, report at Erwin Smith’s office forthwith!”   
  
I jerked up and saw a man standing near the building, dressed in Survey Corps uniform. The bright sun made him squint his eyes nearly shut as he blocked the bright sunlight with his hand. Erwin Smith, wanted to see me?  
  
“Shouldn’t you get going?” Jonah interrupted my thought.  
  
I hummed in agreement and got to my feet as I moved around and walked to the man who just called me.   
  
“See you at dinner?”  
  
I waved my hand. “Won’t miss it.”   
  
I walked down a long corridor with the brunette man in an unpleasant silence. All questions I asked were answered with a single nod or hum.   
  
“Lost your voice?” I asked irritated, watching him walk before me and ignoring me once again.   
  
“Here.” He spoke up, motioning at the door when we reached the end of the hall.   
  
I knocked on the broad wooden door that had the cursive letters 'Erwin Smith' carved into it.   
  
“Jaclyn Rosenthal.” I reported myself.   
  
I heard the ruffling of papers before Erwin spoke. "You may come in."  
  
I stiffened as the man took both of my shoulder in his grasp. “Client wants you to join Levi, this might be your best opportunity.” He whispered.  
  
I spun around after a few seconds lost in thought, “what?” I only saw the very end of his green cape fluttering around the corner before it disappeared. Was he disguised and sent here by the client to transmit a message, or had the client connections within the Survey Corps? Was I being watched the whole time? A sense of unease replaced the pleasant feeling of serenity within seconds as if it was never there.  
  
"Jaclyn.”  
  
Erwin’s voice cut through my thoughts as I realized he told me to come in what was now most likely a few minutes ago. He stood before me in the threshold. “You can come in.” He slightly smiled and motioned for me to take place at the chair in front of his desk.   
  
I waited for him to sit before I spoke up. “Why am I here?” I questioned as my thoughts were rushing back and forth about the man and what he just said.   
  
“I'll waste no time explaining.” He leant his elbows onto the table as he intertwined his fingers, taking a deep breath before he started. “We need you for the upcoming expedition outside the walls, I realize it might be soon but I sincerely believe you’re capable of joining us.”   
  
‘Remember, avoid it at all cost.’ Kay’s demanding words echoed in my mind. I promised them I’d avoid the deadly expeditions by any means necessary. I didn't plan to be one of those 40% who wouldn't make it back in one piece, I hoped to avoid those suicidal, failing missions at all cost.   
  
"Thank you for your acknowledgement sir but I don't think I'm physically skilled enough for that just yet.” I lied.  
  
I don't want to talk down on my own capability but if it means staying alive inside these safe walls, it is more than worth it. Even though I had encountered titans before and I think I could manage to make it back alive, I still had no idea how it will be. To be out there, in their territory where they have the advantage.  
  
"If you refuse, then why join Survey Corps?" A voice behind me spoke. I turned around as I realized I wasn’t alone in the room with Erwin, my eyes fell on the slender figure that leant back against the wall nonchalant. "You were rated as number one." He then added.  
  
“Number one from all trainees isn’t just anything.” Erwin pointed out, my gaze focusing back to him.   
  
So, Levi was here too.   
  
All of a sudden the realization struck me. ‘This might be your best opportunity.’ This was my chance; they were trying to convince me to join them in the expeditions which I could use in my favor. They must really need soldiers, I’m sure it’s not common that they ask newly members to join an expedition this early.   
  
"I'll join the expedition if…”   
  
What is the best way to request this?  
  
"If?" Erwin repeated.   
  
Maybe just by being straightforward?  
  
"If I get a spot in Levi’s squad." I looked at Erwin, his facial expression never shifting for a moment.  
  
“Levi?” He looked over me to him.  
  
He pushed himself off the wall and sat down at the end of Erwin’s desk. “I selected my own team which consists of the best soldiers around, do you think you belong amongst them?”   
  
“Yes.” I said undoubtedly.   
  
He watched me through those dark narrow eyes, his gaze steadfast. “A minute ago you said you weren’t physically fit enough to join an expedition. So what is the truth, do you think you are competent or not?”

  
“I do. I just want to stay alive, that’s all.”   
  
A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again. “Then that’s settled.” He took his gaze off me and directed it towards Erwin who continued.  
  
“The expedition starts in three weeks, Levi will provide you with all the necessary information and further training to prepare you so you will be all set. Any questions so far?”   
  
“Are there any other newcomers who will participate?”   
  
“No, you’re the only one.” Erwin stood up and reached out his hand, I got to my feet as I took it. “You have my heartfelt respect Jaclyn.” He smiled which I weakly returned.   
  
I might’ve succeeded in joining Levi but staying alive during the expedition was now was my first priority and obstacle I had to overcome. What a bother.  
  
“Let’s go.” Levi spoke, already making his way out and I wordlessly followed him out of Erwin’s’ office.   
  
I walked behind Levi as we strolled along the hallways. I stared at my feet, thinking about the upcoming expedition in which I will participate. No doubt in my mind I’m keeping this from April and Kay, if they find out they’ll cause a ruckus for sure. I’ll do everything in my power to make it back alive and the I will continue the job.  
  
We walked outside where I saw Jonah still sitting on the same spot but now talking to people. It was the first time I had seen them here but it was also one of the first time haning out in this area with Jonah. All graduates were hanging out at the other building but Jonah and I decided it was more relaxed here.  
  
“Captain.” They all stood up and nodded when they saw Levi approaching.   
  
Captain? So this was the squad he handpicked himself.  
  
"This is Jaclyn, she'll be joining us on the upcoming expedition. From now on she’s a member of our squad." Levi stated, throwing his hands over each other. They seemed skeptical and I don’t know if it is because I joined them so sudden, or because it was Levi’s shitty way of introducing people.    
  
I greeted them all; Petra Ral, Eld Jinn, Oluo Bozado and Gunther Schultz, the people who formed squad Levi, the best soldiers around.   
  
"What!" Jonah abruptly burst out. "Jaclyn you're joining the expedition three weeks from now?" Everybody looked at Jonah who sat on the ground.  
  
"Yes." I breathed out while I pinched the bridge of my nose. I know Jonah also wanted to join but even though he has his special privileges, they don't want the son of Dan Baldovin to die on his very first expedition, so they weren't keen on letting him join.   
  
"Amazing! Any chance I could join the expedition too?!" Jonah stood up, his eyes shifting between me and Levi. I wondered why he was so eager to leave the walls, I guess because he always lived above he's reaching further, where for me, this, here outside was enough. Being able to see daylight was a hell of an accomplishment for someone like me.   
  
"No." Levi told him without further explanation.   
  
Oluo stepped forward. "So this rookie is good enough to join us?" He said sarcastically, stepping forward and looking down on me with a stupid grin on his face.  
  
"Is there a problem old man?"  
  
his neutral expression turned into a scowl but then he smirked. "Let's see if she's worthy of joining us."   
  
"Huh?" I put my hands onto my hips. "I need to prove myself? Isn't Levi's approval enough?" I tried my best to not roll my eyes at his suggestion.   
  
"We need to test your strength after all, let's see if you can beat me."   
  
"You want me to fight you old man?" I mocked just to play with him. His grin disappeared as he bawled his fists. I know him for only a few minutes and I know exactly how to get on his nerves. I continued, "In that case, Petra, Eld, old man and Gunther, fight me all at once."   
  
"Don't think too highly-"   
  
"Too slow." My fist hit his soft wrinkly face, his eyes widened with surprise as he fell to the ground. "I'd say the same about you."  
  
"Alright then." Eld spoke as they all lifted their fists, standing in a fighting position. Petra and Gunther stood to my left and Eld to my right. Jonah stood together with Levi who was leaning against the wall in front of me, arms crossed as he quietly observed the scene.   
  
This should be interesting.   
  
Gunther looked to Petra and Eld; they exchanged quick glances before he took a step forward as he was the first to attack. My fist landed on his temple at which he groaned but didn't back away to my surprise. I noticed a swift movement from behind and duck down to the ground, away to the right as I saw Eld was the one operating the attack from behind.   
  
Putting my hands behind my head I jumped right up and was greeted by Petra launching her fist at my face which I just managed to dodge. "Oh, you're fast!" I said as we fought and dodge, none of us able to hit each other. I swung my leg, hitting her in the side, she was slightly taken aback but quickly recovered as she took my leg and pulled me forward with all her force and I was greeted by her fist landing onto my face. My nose cracked under the blow and blood started dripping. I saw Eld running towards us, but Gunther was nowhere to be found, which could only mean one thing. I grabbed Petra's neck and closed the distance between us, smashing my head against hers, that should hush her for now. She fell on her knees as she hunched over in pain, grabbing her head as she softly muttered words I couldn't quite make out. I saw the slightest movement in Eld's eyes, taking a gamble I moved my upper body to the right. "Nice try." I grabbed Gunther's arm that was supposed to hit me from the back and threw him over my shoulder next to Petra. Eld then moved forward and punched me once, twice in the face before I jumped back. I wiped the blood of my upper lip and turned my nose left and right, causing it to crack, Petra sure wasn't holding back on that one.   
  
"Have I proven myself yet?" I asked, slightly panting.  
  
"Ugh, that brat. Beat Eld." Oluo said standing crossed armed next to the others, watching along with Levi who hadn't moved a bit.   
  
I rolled my shoulders, turned my neck and stretched my arms out, causing my entire body to crack and tensed muscles relax a bit. Let's finish this. I motioned for Eld to make his next move. He took a lurching step forward and each blow I successfully dodged. I realized my mistake as I was too focused on his fists and saw his knee a second too late as he knocked the air out of my lungs, right after followed a punch from underneath right into my stomach, I choked on the last bit of air as I fell to my knees.   
  
But I’m not defeated that easily.   
  
I stretched my leg out and swung it over the ground, sweeping him off his feet. He fell hard, head hitting the ground first as his body followed. I stood up as I straightened my back. Eld sat on the ground rubbing his head. "You okay?" I asked, feeling slightly guilty for the way he fell.   
  
"You really got me there." He smiled and I helped him stand up.  
  
Levi pushed himself off the wall and started walking our way.  
"Now fight me."   
  
I slightly turned so my body stood parallel to his. "That's not fair you know." I caught his fist in the air. "You watched my moves, I'm in a disadvantage here."   
  
"There's no such thing as a fair fight." With his other fist he mercilessly sent a blow to my stomach. "You should know such a thing."   
  
I lost balance for a second but managed to stand upright. He wasn’t joking around as he left no time for me to recover. His moves were fast and highly under his control, he moved effortless and thought quickly as he kept punching and kicking, some I dodged but others I had to block with my arms. I tried to remember his movements, sought a flaw but there was none to be found, he left very little room for me to make a move. As he lashed out once more I pulled his arm away and did the same with his other, leaving him vulnerable as his face and upper body were unprotected.   
  
It's now or never.   
  
I lifted my leg, kneeing him in the stomach. I felt his abs tense under the force. He hunched over and grabbed my leg pulling it upwards. "What are you-" I took his collar in my hands and took him down with me, my back hit the ground as he fell too but stopped himself from falling onto me as he landed on his knees and palms.   
  
All of a sudden I was looking into those dark orbs that were observing me. This was the first time I was looking into his eyes, really looking into his eyes, this time without one of us looking away. Silence closed in on us, the soothing sound of grass dancing in the wind around us.  
  
"What is it, Captain?" I grinned.  
  
"Why did you join Survey Corps?"  
  
I tried my hardest to restrain the sigh that threatened to leave my lips. "Because..." I came here to kill you… “To fight for humanity.” I obviously lied, not even trying to conceal that fact.  
  
"You're a terrible liar."   
  
"Is that so? I'm afraid I have no other answer for you."  
  
"Well then.” He talked softer.  “More importantly, why did you specifically wanted to join my squad?"   
  
With a grin on my face I whispered quietly enough for only him to hear. "To take away your oh so famous title, Captain humanity's strongest." Surprisingly I succeeded in keeping the sarcastic tone out of my voice and I think I actually sounded believable this time.  
  
"Oh?" He breathed out. "Already more convincing." He lowered his head further, closing even more distance between us. "Now tell me, how you are planning to do that."   
  
"You sure ask a lot of questions."   
  
I put my right arm against the left side of his neck, threw my leg over his body and turned the positions around, now I was hovering over him. His eyes widened for only less than a second before regaining their usual distance.   
  
"Not bad." The edge of his lip turned upwards.  
  
Before I realized his movement he threw me off of him, I rolled a few times before coming to a halt. Immediately I pushed myself off the ground but was greeted by a sharp shiny object. Levi grabbed my neck and slammed it back onto the soil, tightly keeping hold onto it while he pressed the knife against my skin.   
  
"It will take more than _that_ to beat me." He whispered to my ear. I felt his breath fanning against my neck causing goose bumps on my skin. My hands itched to draw my own knife but decided against it, knowing it won't be a smart move.   
  
"I'm sure you live up to your title."   
  
Pulling his knife away, he spun it around in the air before catching it and putting it safely away somewhere at his back. He stood up and reached his hand out for me and hesitantly I took it as he pulled me effortlessly up. "Training is done for today." When I stood upright in front of him he somewhat smiled. “Good job.”

He walked back to the building; his squad following him back inside. "Fuck." I thought out loud. I leaned against a tree, letting my body slide to ground as I sat against it. I pulled my knees up and buried my hands in my hair.   
  
Levi was stronger than I had thought. His squad was tougher than I thought, especially Petra and Eld. Even though I did defeat them, I didn't even come that close to overpowering Levi. 

"Amazing!" A loud voice close to me said cheerily. "Jaclyn that was amazing!"   
  
"Jonah, what the fuck?" I said slightly startled by his sudden appearance.   
  
"Tell me, you saw everything right? Where did it go wrong?"   
  
"Nothing really, your movements were on point and you never slacked off."   
  
"But I didn’t win this one." I looked up to him.   
  
"There's a reason he's called humanity's strongest soldier. You really thought you could just win the very first fight against him?"  
  
Even though I knew he was right, he slightly annoyed me with his reasonably commentary. "Shut up."   
  
"Weren't you the one that asked me to give you feedback?"   
  
"Shut up." I said as I buried my head even deeper. "Just leave me alone for a moment." I looked up to meet his gaze and slapped his hand away that was reaching for my neck.  
  
"It’s turning purple." He pointed out but I didn’t reply.    
  
He then broke the silence again. "Why would you care about such a meaningless thing? You don't care about positions and power but you do want to take his title?" I saw him looking up to me in the corner of my eye but I didn't return his gaze. "That doesn't make sense. You don't make sense right now."  
  
"I'm not a fucking manual you can read and understand. How did you know that that's what I said?" I asked on a more curious note.   
  
"I can read lips."   
  
"Oh." Was all I managed to say. I felt like Jonah could see right through me. Was it that obvious or does Jonah just know me too good. Must've been the second thing because Jonah interpreted this based on my thoughts I let loose once he gets me talking.   
"I believe you can."  
  
Puzzled, I looked at him.   
  
"If that's really your goal, even though I don't know your motives for it, I believe you can attain it." He stood up and started walking away. "I'll leave you alone now." He  waved at me. “Almost dinner time!” He yelled when he was about to enter the building.  
  
I stood up and turned away from the building, walking into the forest.   
  
Now that I am alone I can sneak away unnoticed.  
  
Or at least, that’s what I had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm quite happy with this chapter. Lately the ideas for the plot of this story have been changing and I'm not sure what direction I'll be taking, but either way I'm sure It'll be good! Update will be hopefully next sunday.


	6. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted get some facts straight as there might be some confusion around Levi's strength. Levi is a super soldier but all in all also just a human being. Exceptionally skilled and strong, like Jaclyn also is but a just human like the rest. Ackerman's are known for their superb power and strength but in this story Levi isn't an Ackerman and doesn't has these powers, that's why I named him just Levi. Even though he is extremely strong he's not invincible. So I just wanted clear that up. 
> 
> New chapter, updated on time!

April's POV

I was excited to see her again after two weeks but watching her fight against Levi and actually lose the fight; she probably isn't in a good mood. Nevertheless I beamed at her when she walked towards us and her irritated expression faded a bit upon meeting my gaze.

"That was a good match." I said as she grabbed my head and pulled me into a quick hug. She didn't reply but reassuringly smiled at me.

"How does it feel to be defeated?" Kay asked jokingly. Jaclyn didn't laugh as she slapped the back of his head.

"Make fun of me when you're able to beat me." She said, clearly not amused.

"It's been a while since you lost serious hand combat against someone." Kay said thoughtful.

"Levi isn't just someone though." She let out a loud sigh as she dropped herself to the ground, sitting on a pile of leaves. "I don't mind getting defeated by him, he's incredibly strong."

She looked over to me and Kay. "Anyway, you guys shouldn't be this close to-"

"Shhh." I broke the silence. "I think there's someone near." Ever since we left the underground, I became paranoid about the Military Police finding out about us and arresting us all. Kay and Jaclyn didn't seem troubled by the possibility but somehow I'm not able to relax and I'm always on edge. I might be wrong. I was often wrong and it annoyed the hell out of them but when it comes to our freedom I would go to any length to secure it.

"Kay." I whispered. "Come."

He closed his eyes in annoyance but before he had the time to open them again I grabbed him by his sleeve and dragged him along. We ran behind the nearest tree and I pressed him with his back against it, keeping my hand across his mouth. When I peeked around the corner to look back at Jaclyn, I saw two men standing in front of her.

"Captain Levi, what is it?" Kay and I looked at each other wide eyed as we both realized the name she called.

Since we lived in the underground for the most of our lives we knew all the important names and Levi was one of them. But to how their face looked, we had no idea. Kay succeeded in getting his hands on a picture of Zack Ross so we knew what he looks like. The public often attends the moment Survey Corps leaves and the gate opens, none of us bothered to go look so we had no clue what he'd look like apart from a description the client sent to Jaclyn. A short brown haired man was all I remembered.

"The description said he was short and brunette, so it must be him." I thought out loud.

"Who are you with?" He said his voice louder and directed to us.

"Shit! Kay what do we do?" I hissed. I can feel my heart picking up speed and my hands getting clammy. "Do we take them out?"

"Are you insane, if Jaclyn went down then we won't win either, even if we are with the two of us." Kay explained calmly. No doubt the two of us will lose against them but Jaclyn is here too, maybe with the three of us we'll succeed.

"Wait." I heard Jaclyn yell and I suddenly noticed the footsteps close by coming to a halt. "Kay, April. She called our names out loud, followed by a loud sigh.

Kay and I exchanged quick glances before we revealed ourselves from behind the tree.  
He rested his hand onto my shoulder and gave a quick squeeze before he let go again. Levi stood in front with Jaclyn just behind him and the tall blonde a few meters back observing us.

Jaclyn walked past Levi to stand protectively besides us. "Now what are you going to do?" She asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"You know this is terrain of the Survey Corps, only meant for personnel." The blonde man had stepped forward, it's funny how extremely short Levi looks besides that tree of a man.

"Yes Eldo, we know." Jaclyn crossed her arms.

Levi's eyes scanned Jaclyn whilst she returned the intense gaze. His eyes then moved to Kay for a short while before they met mine. He lowered his brows and squinted his eyes as he looked at me. A shiver ran up my spine as his dark eyes were fixed onto my blue ones, causing me distress and nerves started kicking in. "What is it?" I asked, my voice sounding more pissed than I had intended.

His eyes slightly widened, he opened his mouth to say something but Jaclyn stepped in front of me. "Sorry I betrayed your trust and brought them here.

He finally tore his eyes of mine and looked over to Jaclyn. "My trust?"

"I am under your command, therefore my apologies."

Jaclyn lowered her head a bit as she talked. I looked over to Kay who was also as shocked. He kept his mouth shut but I couldn't. "Jaclyn!" I stood between Levi and Jaclyn in, facing her. "Why would you lower yours-"

She grabbed my head and pressed it to her chest. "I'm doing this for you and Kay, so keep quiet." She whispered to my ear and let me go.

I don't understand. She, who never backed down for anyone no matter what the situation was, is apologizing and bowing her head.

"Shouldn't we report this Captain Levi?" The man interjected. The hairs on my arm stood right up. Annoyance and confusion was replaced by fear as I noticed myself becoming restless. It feels like I have two choices, fight or flee, realizing that it is Levi who we're dealing with the second option is the most appealing.

As if she could read my mind she grabbed my hand firmly and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I remarked Levi's eyes trailing down to our intertwined hands.

"Sorry." Jaclyn spoke again.

Levi turned around at that and started walking away. "Let's go." he spoke, the blonde man also hesitantly leaving us behind. "You won't see her for a longer time if you were caught again on this terrain." He said clearly directed towards me. "If you can't miss her, why not join Survey Corps?" He said at last, his voice just within earshot.

"I can't believe we just got caught." Kay said bewildered while dry wiping his face, "and actually got away with it."

Jaclyn let out a shaky breath I didn't knew she was holding. She leant against a tree, letting her head fall into her hands as she tightly gripped her hair. "We can't see each other anymore."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked and I realized my voice was slightly shaky. Jaclyn bit her lip as she looked up to me and Kay.

"Until I'm done with the job." She said softly.

I know it isn't what she wants, the only people we have is each other. This job could take another year, maybe two, who knows. It doesn't have an expiration date and I'm not willing to miss her for that long.  
"No!" I blurted out. "I want to come with you, I'll also join!" The words rolled from my tongue without a second thought. "I can help, it would take less time and besides, I'll be able to see you every day!" My voice grew gradually louder and more desperate. "Kay, you also agree with me right?"

He stood there with his arms crossed as he shrugged. "Jaclyn is probably right, we shouldn't meet at places like this anymore, but that's doesn't mean we can't ever secretly meet again. However, you also shouldn't join Survey Corps. Don't make any rash decisions."

For some weird reason I could feel a lump build up in my throat making it hard for me to swallow. Stupid tears prickled my eyes as I tried to blink them away. Jaclyn put her hand on my shoulder but I took a few steps back. "April." She began. Hearing her say my name like that, with a hint of pity, it made me feel like the girl I was a few years back. After Jaclyn had helped me when I was rock bottom, I promised myself I wouldn't be in this position again. I was going to help her, become stronger myself but here I was again, on the verge of years and just as helpless.

"I can join..." I tried but already felt defeated. When Kay said it wasn't a good idea it's already hard enough to change her mind because she trusted his intuition. When she had made a decision herself, it was next to nearly impossible to convince her otherwise.

So that meant I had to take my own measures.

She cupped her hands around my face. "April, I thought that..." She looked over to Kay and back to me. "You don't understand. We just can't do it anymore, it's too much of a risk."

"You thought what?" I asked angrily. The question caught her by surprise. This was a first for me to talk back to her, to doubt her decision but my instinct told me that leaving her to it alone will be a bad idea. I may doubt her, but I was confident in myself.

Her face grew serious as she eyed me her brows lowering. "Jaclyn." Kay said warningly but she never took her eyes off me.

"You need to understand, that every decision I make is to your benefit. I thought I had to kill Levi and Eldo right here because I couldn't stand the thought of you two being caught. When it comes to you I don't give a damn about the money, I would go back to the underground for you."

Her voice sounded angry but her eyes revealed her true emotions of hurt. "Don't question my actions because in the end it _will_ benefit you." She said while she held me tightly. "I will be back before you know it." She weakly smiled at me, one I couldn't return.

She walked over to Kay and discussed something with him for a while. Afterwards she ran back to the building to meet Levi.

"Come on." Kay threw his hand over my shoulder. "Before we get caught again."

My chest felt hollow, with her presence gone it already felt empty and cold on this hot summer day. We walked back home through the forest, neither of us speaking a word. I noticed Kay was looking at the ground all the time. I was too caught up in my own emotions I didn't realize he must feel the same way. Only is he the one out of us three that's able to think clear and logical. Also, he's best at keeping his emotions in check. Whereas I would often get anxious and Jaclyn had trouble hiding her annoyance and resentment, Kay kept it cool at all times.

"She would give her life for ours." He suddenly spoke. "If you didn't realize, that's exactly what she is doing right now. We can give our share of thought but in the end she makes a decision herself." He kept looking onwards as he explained. "If you were to join the Survey Corps you would only be a bother. So keep that thought out of your head."

I huffed as I now also looked downwards. How am I supposed to not think of her, wanting to help her? It seems like I'm the only one that takes into account how that if they found out about her, she would most likely be executed. I bawled my fist in front of me and let it loose again as I realized how annoyingly helpless I am.

We arrived home and when Kay opened the door, I rushed inside onto the stairs and into my room. I closed the door behind me as I let myself slide down, my back leaning against the door. I sat here for a few minutes when I heard Kay walking up the stairs. "Go away." I murmured. Not waiting for Kay to give me a lecture or his so called advice.

"She can handle this on her own, she doesn't need our help. She never did after all."

With that I heard the sound of his footsteps fading away again. I am not the defenseless girl I was. I am capable, fit and skilled. Jaclyn herself taught me so. It's time I believe in myself and make my own decisions. She never needed our help but it wouldn't do any harm, right? I will help her in any way possible.

…

Jaclyn's POV.

This must be it.

I knocked on the door that had Levi's name carved into it. I pressed my ear flat against the door and heard people softly chattering. Impatient as I was, I knocked on the door again, this time louder. "Levi!" I called out his name. The voiced died for a second but then continued.

Is the bastard ignoring me just now?

I tilted the handle and opened the door. Levi sat behind his desk with someone opposite of him. A frown formed on his face and he's clearly not amused by my sudden interruption, but I don't really care. Then at least answer me when I knock on your door.

"I need to talk to you."

The blonde man that sat at the desk turned around and... it was Erwin.

"Oh." I thought out loud and turned. "I'll wait outside." I said before I closing the door completely.

I just arrived back at the Survey Corps HQ. While walking back from the encounter with Levi in the forest, I thought about a lot of things. For one, April's sudden behavior, I know she hates the idea of us parting ways, I do too, but she acted even more unusual. Also, why had Levi and Eldo followed me into the forest, do they suspect something? Was it because I claimed to want to take his title? I already waited for a good ten minutes and there was still no sign of Erwin leaving the room any time soon.

I sat down opposite of the door in the hallway, survey corps members passing by every now and then. I thought about what April said, her wanting to join. Back in the forest I made it clear to Kay that he mustn't let that happen. If she chooses to, I have nothing to say as she is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions, but I don't want her to join because of me. I could never forgive myself if she got hurt while trying to help me. If I'm alone, somehow I will manage to succeed this job, with her by my side while doing that would only be bothersome.

At last I wondered why Levi looked at her like that. As if he recognized her. Have their paths ever crossed? We lived most of our lives in the underground and only lived above ground for just a short while. It's not impossible but highly unlikely.

I felt so incredibly conflicted in that moment; I didn't want to kill two soldiers, but if it meant Kay and April would be taken in otherwise, I would brace myself and do it.

My determination in that moment scared me. I am scared to what lengths I will go to protect them. I know I probably can't pull it off; it would be two against one. The fact that it would be a surprise attack could benefit me, but even if I lost, in the meantime they could get away. I _know_ I will lose the fight, but even with that thought in mind I had no doubts.

"Jaclyn." Levi stood in the threshold as he called out my name. He turned around to walk back into the room while motioning for me to enter. I got to my feet and walked into his office, closing the door behind me. He sat down behind the desk. "Sit."

I did as he told and took place.

"About earlier..." I started, not sure what to say. I had so many questions piled up in my mind I don't even know where to start.

"What about it?" He asked, looking up as I caught his attention.

Is this a good idea? I need answers but I wasn't too sure where to begin or even what to ask. So I just asked the question that occupied my mind the most. "Why did you let us get away with it?"

He didn't reply for a while as he just observed my face. Then finally, "I once made the same mistake of bringing my friends to Survey Corps. I wanted to give you the chance to do the right thing." He leaned back in his chair as he watched my confused face.

What was that supposed to mean? He also brought his friend secretly to Survey Corps terrain? Were they also caught? Maybe they did get caught or something and he gave me the chance to send them away... but that doesn't really make sense. Levi doesn't make sense at all; he's one big puzzle hiding under his deadpan facial expression and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

"I don't understand." I said hoping for a better explanation.

"Soon enough you will realize. Anything else, Jaclyn?"

I have a lot of questions to ask and whether he did recognize April I wanted to know the most.  
I hated how vague he was acting and I decided it was probably useless to question him right now. It'll have to wait, I'll come back to it some other time that's for sure.

"No." I stood up and turned around, reaching for the door handle, but Levi's voice made freeze.

"You have the eyes of a killer."

I slowly turned around to look over my shoulder. He was leaning against the desk, arms folded as he awaited my response I didn't give.

He then continued, "You don't seem afraid of anything except losing your friends. Your eyes don't show fear when facing a titan, while battling four of the best soldiers at the same time, not when fighting me."

The fact that I was planning on how to kill him, or rather delay him, right there and then was probably written all over my face. He must've noticed it.

"We watch each other's backs." I had a hard time finding the right words to say, it's like he was waiting for me to make a mistake, to say the wrong thing. It was all quite unnerving.

He pushed himself off the desk and walked towards me while reaching out his hand. Something within me panicked as my heartbeat picked up speed. Was he going to fight me, right here?

I forced myself to stay put, at least until he made the first move. He stood in front of me, so close I could feel his body heat radiating through his clothes.

"There it was again." He whispers and opens the door handle.

The bastard fucking tried me. I can't believe I actually fell for it.

"I'll show you your new room." He opened the door and signed for me to enter the hallway. He closed the door behind us, locking it and started walking.

"Why am I getting a new room?" I wondered.

"Since you joined my squad." He looked over his shoulder. "You'll also be sleeping in this building."

I don't mind the change of rooms, or building. It was just that Jonah would be further away, we won't have breakfast or dinner together anymore. Even that didn't matter as much but I was still disappointed. He is the only friend I have here and I don't have intentions of making any new ones.

"Here it is." He picked a key from his pocket and turned the lock, then handed it over to me. I opened the door and, "Jaclyn!" I guess Jonah felt the same way. "I arranged a room next to yours, so we'll still get to see each other!" He just finished making my bed and I saw all my belongings, the very few I had, were already placed in the room.

"Dinner starts in an hour, Jonah you show her the way." Levi said before disappearing.

"How are you always able to arrange this kind of things?" I asked while I observed my new room. There is a single bed standing against the wall to the left, a desk at the right with one chair and a simple wooden closet.

"I told you once about my dad right? He was an important man and because I am his son I can use that to get special privileges, like a room next to yours." He smiled from ear to ear.

"I'd never say you would be the kind of person to use your dads name like that." I figured.

"Why is that."

"I'm not sure." I lay down on the bed he finished making a second ago and he frowned when I immediately took my chance to jump on it. "I can see you saying; I will achieve the top myself just like my dad did, I won't use his name or hard work to benefit me." I mimicked his voice and let out a laugh as he joined in as well.

"You know me too well." He sat on the edge of the bed. "That's exactly what I think, but whether I sleep in this building or the other, that won't help me climb up. So I might as well use his name in order to arrange these types of things." He also lay down, his back over my legs.

"I'm sure they aren't so keen taking on requests like this from a brat like you." I smiled and closed my eyes.

"You bet." I heard him chuckle softly. "No matter how pointless or unnecessary calls I make, in the end they'll give in."

I felt his body move away from my legs. "Come on, I'll show you around and after that dinner starts."

We were seated in the dining hall, this one more spacious than the ones meant for the other Survey Corps members, even though this one was way less occupied. I sat next to Jonah and a woman who introduced herself as Hanji, apparently also a squad leader, Levi across from me and the rest of Levi's and Hanji's squad. I took part in small chatter, mostly with Jonah but also with Petra. She is very kind and lighthearted, I somewhat expected her to look down on me after the battle last time but I couldn't detect any hard feelings.

"So tell me... Jaclyn was it right?" Hanji interrupted. "Where did you learn to fight like that?" She had already finished her meal as she was now looking at me, anticipation in her eyes to what my answer would be. "You were able to put up quite some resistance against Levi, that's probably a first." I saw Levi's eyes shifting from his plate to her while he mumbled something with the word 'shitty'.

I always felt uncomfortable when strangers- no actually anyone- asked me this. I can't possibly be honest saying; I've been a criminal pretty much my whole life so I learned to fight in order to survive. Killed, stole and managed to escape the Military Police a few times. Instead I hoped, "Practice." will satisfy her question.

Without warning she suddenly reached for my hand and pulled me not so gently towards her. "So, how do you feel about Titans? Have you seen one yet? When did y-"

"Whoa calm down." I hushed her. "My feelings towards them are pretty neutral and yes I've seen a few during the graduation test." I quickly answered before she got the chance to question me more. I tried to pull my hand away but her grip was surprisingly firm. "Ehm... Hanji" I said looking at our hands until I realized she was staring at my face, a faint pink blush spread across her cheeks.

"Hey shitty four eyes, you're making her uncomfortable." Levi said as he put his spoon in the empty soup bowl.

"Oh, sorry sorry I tend to get lost in curiosity!" She smiled and laughed, letting go of my hand. Her face changed in an instant from cheerful to serious. "You feel neutral towards Titans?" She questioned again, wanting me to give her some sort of explanation.

"Well... Titans have never been my enemy, so I view them no other than humans or animals." I picked up the spoon to continue eating but I noticed everyone's attention directed to me.

"Wha-" I started but a man from a table behind me spoke up.

"How are you even able to say that?!" He nearly yelled from behind.

I know everybody here is willing to die in the hands of a Titan and offer up their hearts as long as it helps humanity.

I have no such dream.

"Titans killed countless people!" He then continued.

"Oh and humans didn't?" I spat, my voice accidentally sounding harsher than expected. When I looked over my shoulder, I noticed it wasn't just our table that now was awkwardly quiet; everybody in the hall was still, facing me.

I put my spoon back in the bowl, "Eh, did I say something wrong?" I whispered to Jonah feeling strangely uncomfortable with this many eyes on me.

"Eh well… It's just that-"

"Are you on the Titans side!" This time a woman yelled.

"Are you an idiot?" I muttered. "As far as we know Titans don't consider us as nothing more than insignificant insects, right? We humans, we know what's it's like to feel, lose, love and yet we still kill each other. When you consider that, who are the monsters? Humans who know hurt and still inflict it, or Titans that don't and basically do the same?" I thought out loud.

Everyone stared at me wide eyed. I hadn't even thought these words over, I never really gave much thought to the Titans and I never saw them as enemies, but more or less like big animals that likes to eats humans. I never thought how I feel about them, everyone seems to resent them because they keep us within the walls.

I always thought, while they keep us within the walls, humans always kept me underground.

"That's an invalid argument! There a good and bad people, Titans are all bad!" A dirty blond haired man said from the table behind Levi.

"I'm not here to fucking argue, it's simply what I think." I said as I popped my elbows on the table letting my head rest in the palm of my hand. "We justify our actions because we think we know better, we believe we humans are superior. If the Titans were to think in the same way, they're exactly like us. So either, none of us are monsters because we eat other living creatures, or we all are." I looked down to my soup that was already cooled off and my appetite was gone in an instant.

I was greeted with more disbelieving looks. Good job at making yourself stand out even more Jaclyn, yeah, fucking way to go. But hey, why shouldn't I be able to speak my mind. They say all the time how they hate them, I can say how I feel neutral towards them, right?

I decided it was best I shut my surprisingly way too talkative mouth before someone would actually attack and choke me. I stood up and pressed my lips into a straight line when I realized I didn't even finish half of my dinner.

"Wait... then why did you join Survey Corps, why would you kill them?" Hanji asked calmly unlike the others.

I thought for a moment before I came up with a suitable answer. "If I need to kill in order to survive then I'll justify my own actions, I'm not here so I can kill Titans... but I will if necessary." I gave her my half assed explanation and looked at Levi who had his eyebrow slightly pulled up. 'Oh?' he soundlessly mouthed at me. I could detect the faintest kind off amusement in his eyes which annoyed me for a second but realized at least he wasn't shooting angry glares at me unlike... everybody actually. I returned the small smile back to Levi as I turned around, grabbing Jonah by his collar and basically dragging him along with me out of the room.

As soon as we turned around the corner, away from the dining hall, Jonah started sniffling. "What's so funny idiot?" I turned around to see him leaning against the wall. "Wh-" I tried again but his laughter interrupted me.

I was taken aback by his sudden outburst. He leaned with his back against the wall, his arm covering his eyes as his chest rose and fell to his uncontrollable laughter. It was cute to see him laugh like that, but the thought he was laughing at _me_ wasn't cute at all. I walked back to him to demand an answer.

"Seeing you speak up your mind to all those people without even a second thought. Honestly you're amazing!" He tried to catch his breath as he continued. "I might not agree with everything you said, but the faces around us were priceless!" He wiped his tears of joy away. "You really don't care what they think huh? That's another quality of yours I'm jealous of."

"Well, as you can see it's not always a good thing." I pointed out as I turned around and started walking again, Jonah quickly catching up with me and walking besides me.

"You do realize the consequences of what you just did, right?"

Right. I realize very well that they might question my motives. Even though this isn't what Jonah meant, it can become a serious problem. The last thing I need right now is someone digging up my driving force.

However, I also can't keep the act up of willing to die for humanity's sake.

For now I need to focus on the upcoming expedition and doing everything in my power to make it back alive, while keeping it a secret from Kay and April.


	7. Dubious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One week late with this chapter (T^T) I was in the middle of my exam week so I barely got time to write... A short chapter but I promise a longer one next week! Also, I might need to edit this later on, just wanted to update today. Enjoy!

"Let's go." Levi said and ran, jumping in the air before launching his gear and disappearing into the forest.

"Coming!" I yelled and went after him, trying to keep up with his incredible speed.

It's around 9am, just after breakfast time and Levi had planned a one on one training with me in order to prepare me solely for the expedition, since it's just around the corner. Quickly I realize that even though I was able to put up some resistance against him during hand combat, he masters the gear like no other. He is in complete control of his body and I watch in awe as he moves effortlessly in the air and alongside the trees.

"Rather focus on your surroundings than on me." He said as he looked over his shoulder.

I didn't intend to stare, not in that way at least. A flush of embarrassment rose to my cheeks and I did as he advised, taking in my surroundings and focusing on my movements.

He then landed on branch and I jumped next to him. "Time to teach you the more specific and finer methods of handling the maneuver gear." He took a step behind me. "Draw your blades." He instructed and I did, he wrapped his hands around mine, slightly turning them in a different angle. "Look forward; imagine a Titan is reaching out for you, what do you do?"

Confused I looked over my shoulder to him. "Obviously kill it." I reasoned.

"No shit, but how." He tried again.

I looked ahead and tried to imagine a Titan in front of me, its hand hungrily reaching out, ready to crush and devour me. "I would escape to the left or right and th-"

"He already got you with his other hand you didn't see coming." He interrupted my thoughts.

"Then I'd retreat and come after it when a better opportunity arises."

"Retreating isn't an option."

I groaned in annoyance. This way I can think of thousands of scenarios and none of it will be perfectly suitable. "What's the point of envisioning this? In a time of distress and situations between life and death you always act differently upon that moment." I sighed and felt his grip tightening.

"Not entirely, during critical moments you will act upon how you've mentally visualized things like this. Maybe not consciously, but your movements will improve."

"That's what you do?"

"Used to. I've fought so many mindless Titans I can pinpoint their actions, how fast they are, what move they will make next. Aberrants are a pain in the ass though."

"Oh, they told us about those during class." I recalled but realize I only remember the term. "Exactly what was so different about them?" I asked hesitantly.

He pulled his brow up. "Haven't paid attention?" He asked and I shrugged. "In short, Aberrants are different in behavior, some pay attention to a certain person in a group, some ignore humans altogether. The most dangerous types are the ones that have a more precise body movement."

"Right... that's scary." I said as I imagine a Titan that moves more like a human.

"Now, an aberrant is standing before you and reaching out. What do you do?"

I focused again as I imagine everything in front of me. A big ass titan that's blocking my only escape route. Instinctively I lift my blades in front of me. "Biggest mistake people make, with your blades like that it'll take too much time to reposition and strike." Levi explains and takes control over my hands.

"Place your hands like this." He held one crossed in front of me and the other pointed backwards. "If a titan is standing there you should try to launch your cables at it and move forward at full speed." He looked at me and I nodded in understanding. "If you don't have the time to do that use your gas only, it's powerful enough to lift you without the cables." He now stood behind me and moved my arms in a rotating motion. "When there's no way out, you spin in the air at full speed. If you do it correctly and fast enough you will pierce through the Titan without getting injured."

"Oh." I breathed out. "I understand. With the blades around me I will go through it and at the same time I defend myself."

"Exactly." He let go of my hands and stood beside me.

"Learn me more?" I asked eagerly and he did. Teaching me all kinds of tricks and how he handles situations. Unlike in class, I now attentively watched him talk and explain. We went over the same movements a hundred times till I perfected them. Right now he reminds me of myself. This is how I used to train with April, I observed while she breathlessly had to perfect the moves. During training she would be irritated and quick tempered, I didn't pay attention and told her to keep moving no matter what. Precisely that is what Levi is doing. Knowing exactly where he is going, what his goal is, I obeyed without second thought. He looked in his element, after all this is what he's been doing for the last few years, fighting Titans in the name of humanity.

"Jaclyn?" He said and suddenly his face was extremely close to mine.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Did you listen?"

"Uhhh." I hummed trying to remember his last words but to no success.

He pressed his index finger against my forehead and pushed me slightly backwards. "Pay attention, otherwise we're done here."

I nodded. "Right, sorry." I said followed by a soft unintentional yawn.

"Let's take a break." He said and sat down, checking over his equipment.

My thoughts wandered back to the encounter with him and Eldo in the forest. Until now I had still waited for a better opportunity to question him but I was still dubious whether to do so. It's only natural I'm curious, right?

"Levi." I started and waited for his eyes to meet mine before I continued. "Did you recognize April?" I asked straightforward.

He parted his lips but it took a while before he answered. "She reminded me of someone."

"Who? Maybe I know him or her."

"Not a chance." He said and looked away. "She's not here anymore."

Maybe it was just me but I think I could detect some sort of emotion in his voice, he sounded sad. Was she someone important to him? Is it appropriate to question him further? While I was wondering whether to talk or not he answered them for me.

"Her name was Isabel, we used to live underground."

My eyes widened at the new information. Levi, lived underground once? If that's really true, how come I've never heard of it. Kay at least should've found out when digging in his past.

"We were accepted into the survey corps but... they died on a expedition, I was the only survivor."

"They?"

"My other friend, they both got killed by a Titan." He explained.

I was lost for words, still trying to take in this new information. "I'm sorry for your loss." I said softly. "I really am."

His eyes left mine and he concentrated back on his gear. I would've never guessed that such an important person within the Survey Corps once lived underground. I wonder, what this friend of him looked like, was she the same energetic type as April or was it just the looks.

Kay and April crossed my mind... I'm leaving for the expedition soon and they still have no clue. As much as it feels like a relief, I can feel the weight upon my shoulders, the pressure of making it back alive. It makes me all the more determined but still it feels wrong keeping it a secret from them. If I was in their place and found out, I'd be furious and if they ever find out, I'm sure they will be too.

Suddenly I understood Levi's words.

_I once made the same mistake of bringing my friends to Survey Corps. I wanted to give you the chance to do the right thing._

Is that the reason he let us go? To think again, because the chance one of us dies is extremely great.

"How did you succeeded in leaving the underground?" He then asked, breaking the silence.

His question caught me off guard. Truth is, it was a simple break in, but upon an unfortunate series of events it had turned out ugly, authorities got involved and people unnecessarily died. I grimaced as memories flooded to the surface. Kay, who back then was not my friend was also involved.

When it took a while for me to answer, he looked away. "I guess I have somewhat an idea. I know things are ugly down there, one doesn't successfully escape unless..."

"Unless you take on a nasty job." I finished the sentence, hoping with that I have said enough.

He nodded in agreement. That fact that he understands it means that he himself most likely has done something bad in order to receive enough money for citizenship above. However, I can't imagine he made it all the way out just so he could join the Survey Corps.

He didn't question me further and I'm grateful for that. Others, especially Jonah and Hanji seem to have difficulties knowing what and when to ask something. When it comes to this, the underground, I understand Levi and he understands me. It's the first time since leaving the underground that I felt some sort of understanding even though we barely exchanged words.

He sat down against the tree trunk. One leg pulled upwards as he rested his arm on it. "Neutral towards Titans huh?" He suddenly spoke again, this time with a slight smirk on his face.

Startled I look up to him but I know exactly where this is going. Fine, forget what I said. I don't want to go over this _again_ as I received what felt like hundred questions during dinner. On top of that a Jonah that couldn't stop laughing at me.

"You know, I had to same mindset. I resented the way things worked up here, the military, names, power and positions." He counted them on his fingers. "Titans didn't occupy my mind."

"When you're on the verge of dying like the majority of the people down there... why would you." I said. "It's weird hearing that from you though, says the man who's famous as a Survey Corps member that killed numerous of Titans."

"I guess so." He looked up, to the leaves that hid the view of the sky. "When they kill someone you care about, your way of thinking shifts. Majority of the people within the Survey Corps are driven by wanting to avenge a dead friend, family member or maybe lover."

Soon enough I had realized that. I remember Yuza saying he signed up for trainees because he lost everything to the Titans, Jonah had lost his father and wanted to avenge him in his own way. With that mentality, hearing me speak about Titans the way I did when in the dining hall, I now understand for the slightest why they were that tempered and outraged. Still, I stand by my opinion.

"I can imagine, however, I don't have many people I care _that_ much about. Not within the Survey Corps at least." I also looked up and focused on the rustling of the leaves. "So I'll wonder if that will ever become a driving force."

"I hope it stays like that." He breathes out as he looks back down. "Ready to go for another round?" He stands and pulls me up.

"Sure."

We trained till late afternoon and in a way I was very thankful for this. He wasn't commanding me around but rather showing me how to improve, all for my own sake. The sun had shifted from east to south and I guessed around five hours had passed since we started. When our stomachs' started rambling we decided it's time to head back.

"Thank you for this training, I'm sure it'll help a lot out there." I said sincerely, the words of appreciation sounded foreign coming from my mouth.

"I don't want you dying on me." He said. "Not under my command."

Feelings of guilt washed over me. Something I haven't felt for a long time. I used to be merciless but now I find myself nearly doubting the job I took on. I'm going to kill the man that just said he wanted to keep me alive, but I realize very well I can't turn back now. Knowing that someone from the Ross family is behind this, it'll be my death if I left it unfinished. I pushed my thoughts away, overthinking it won't help me one bit, and since it could take another year until I get the order to actually do it, I might as well let time pass peacefully. I won't think about it till I have to. For now I need to focus on staying alive.


	8. A New Chapter in Life: part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a flashback as to how Jaclyn left the underground. I will post the flashback chapter in two parts and after this the main story continues. Enjoy! ^ - ^

_This chapter is a flashback as to how Jaclyn left the underground. I will post the flashback chapter in two parts and after this the main story continues. A bit of a filler chapter but not entirely as some characters will appear again later in the story. (I'll post part 2 in two days or so.) Enjoy! ^ - ^_

A boy came running down the alley where I was sitting, enjoying my apple and the silence that filled the air. It was surprisingly fresh and every bite I took had a nice 'crunch' sound to it. Usually all the bad and old foods go to the underground leaving us with crummy leftovers from above.

"Hey, find your own place." I said irritated.

"Shhh." He placed a finger over my lips to hush me.

I slapped his hand away and drew a knife out of my sleeve, holding it against his cheek. "Don't you dare touch me."

"Sorry." He whispered throwing his hands in the air. "I just need to stay here for a while."

"Why?" I asked lifting my brow questioning.

"Only for a couple of minutes." He said softly, panting as he leaned against the wall.

The boy looked wary of our surroundings, but there isn't a lot here, only the filthy walls around us and a peaceful silence, now disrupted by him. He was neatly dressed in a light blue blouse and beige trousers, compared to most people who walked down here, he looks pretty groomed. He crouched and peered at me from behind his curtain of messy black mid-length hair.

"You didn't answer my question." I said, still cautious even though he didn't seem to be a threat.

"I'm Kay." He held his hand out.

I still held the fruit in my left and the knife in my right hand, obviously I wasn't letting one of them go to shake his and he moved his hand back in almost an instant. "Why are you here Kay?" I tried again, demanding an answer while I took another bite of my heavenly crisp apple.

"To hide." He said as if he wasn't sure himself. "Why are you here…?"

"Lyn, and it looks like we have something in common Kay."

"Nice to meet you Lyn." He now smiled tentatively not looking so vigilant anymore. "Who are you hiding from?"

"No one in particular."

To be honest, I just came here to eat in peace but even that seemed too much to ask for.

"Andreasen!" A man shouted at the end of the alley as I hear footsteps nearing. His body is blocking the little and only ray of light that made its way into the alley.

"Is he calling for you?" I ask, glancing up to him.

He looks tense, body stiff as the man calls again. "Kay Andreasen!" This time louder.

Hell, there is literally no private place around here. Come on Jaclyn, no time to mingle into someone else's problems.

I sighed and stood up, walking towards the only exit and the man who was calling for the boy. Apple in my left hand and the knife in my right hand hidden from his sight, I started walking.

"That man is dangerous." He said just above a whisper but still audible to me.

"Nothing I can't handle."

Not eying the man I walked past him, taking another bite of the delicious green fruit.

"Oi, there is a boy in the alley right?" He now sounded calm but his face told another story, he looked enraged. I wonder what that innocent looking guy has done in order to get this man's blood boiling.

"Don't know, go see for yourself old man." I said, not bothering to give him a single glance.

He whacked the apple out of my hand causing it to fall into a puddle of what probably was sewer water. He grabbed my collar and slams me against the damp, dirty walls of the underground. His face came near to mine as he examined me.

Did the asshole really just throw my food away?

"Stupid fucking youth these days!" He spat at me, his stinky breath reaching my nostrils.

"Maybe you should go brush your fucking teeth." I said with a grin on my face, clearly unimpressed by his harsh tone.

"I'll come, but leave her alone." Kay dubiously spoke.

His frame moved towards us entering the light gradually from the darkness. The man instantly let my collar go and aimed his full attention to the boy who now stood in the middle of the alley, visible as the light fell upon him. He didn't seem tense or worried anymore; I think he was bracing himself to fight a way out of whatever mess he is in.

'Not your business' I thought to myself, turning around tucking the knife into my sleeve again, ready for it to be pulled within a second if needed.

I heard a faint clicking sound coming from where I just stood.

"Don't!"

Kay stood there with his hands up, a gun aimed at him that the old geezer is holding.

"Too late."

"I said not your goddamn business." I whispered, trying to convince myself as I turned around.

I leaped forward drawing the knife out for the second time today, grabbing the man by his neck and holding the cold blade against it.

"Let go of the gun." I hissed into his ear trying to move his arm into another direction, anywhere was good as long as it wasn't pointed at the boy who stood before us.

As soon as I feel him stretch his arm out again, I pull his arm up, a deafening shot rang through the air. I took control over his arm and pinned it against his back sweeping him off his feet to the ground, he struggled under my grasp like a stranded fish trying to get back to water.

Again, a loud bang filled the air, echoing through the underground city. Surely to be heard kilometres from this damned place.

A sharp stinging pain was burning in my side.

He shot me?

My hand trailed along my left side where the pain was; right away I could feel the hot fluids seeping out of my body.

He fucking shot me. I took the blade I was holding and jabbed it in his shoulder. "You fucking bastard, first you throw my apple away and then you fucking shoot me!"

My heart was beating fast as adrenaline and anger filled my body and mind.

I gave him a thrust to his temple at which he groaned in pain. He stirred trying to break free from my grasp whilst spitting unintelligible curse words at me.

"We need to get away from here!" Kay said who now was running towards us.

I tried to get to my feet but the pain in my left side was excruciating, making it difficult to stand up as my wound stretched out, blood now flowing out faster. The red plasma stained bright red against my white shirt as it was soaking up the fluids. I climbed off the man, failing to stand up as I immediately tumbled against the wall, falling to the dirty ground.

"Shit." I breathed out, pressing my hand against the gunshot wound trying to stop or at least delay more blood of flowing out.

Kay kneeled in front of me. "The Military Police must be on their way, we need to get away from here." His hand slipped under my legs while his other arm took a firm grip around my waist and he lifted me up.

"Let me go." I said through gritted teeth, trying to find the power to move out of his tight grasp but my body failed me as my head fell against his chest, too exhausted to move.

"Don't be stupid." He looked at me, my motionless body in his arms. "I'll get us somewhere safe."

My eyes closed shut as the throbbing heartbeat of the boy carrying me was the only sound reaching my hearing. I'm doing my best trying to not to focus on the agonizing pain and slowly, the sounds around me faded to nothing as I lost consciousness.

I woke up to the smell of strong anti-bacterial cleaner as I slowly lifted my heavy eyelids. I am lying down on my back and my body aces with every move while trying to sit straight up, taking note of my unfamiliar surroundings.

"She woke up Kay!" I saw a red haired boy standing on the other side of the room, arms crossed as he was grinning at me.

"This is her?" A girl not older than me said, walking in the room with two other boys.

I leaned on both of my elbows as I pushed myself up. "Who the fuck are you brats?" I said eying them closely, trying to remember how in the hell I ended up here with these people I've never met before.

"Watch your language when you're in our house." The ginger male spoke up again, taking a few steps forward.

"Like I give a fuck." I spat at him. I throw my legs over the bed and I stood up unsteadily. My head throbs severely and I become nauseous when the odor of medicine reaches my nostrils again.

"If you don't watch out you'll faint again." He smirked taking another few steps towards me.

I am desperately trying to remember why I am here, who these people are, if I've ever seen them before and why my body is in so much pain. What feels like a hundred questions pop up and I end up not being able to focus on a single one, so I stand here, completely unknowing.

I narrow my eyes, about to spit an insult when I see yet another guy walking in to the room. It's like my memory sparked to life upon seeing those dark long locks again. I lost consciousness when he carried me out of the alley where the fucking bastard had shot me.

"Ethan what are you doing." He spoke up.

"Just checking on our guest." He answered, squinting his eyes at me before turning around. "She needs to learn some damn manners." He motioned to me.

"Just get out will you, all of you."

"Yes, sir." He rolled his eyes before he walked away, the others wordlessly following him on his way out.

"Sorry about that." He began, scratching the back of his head. "So, how do you feel?"

"Well I got shot, you do the math." I muttered, taking place on the edge of the bed. I lifted the dirty, bloodstained shirt to look at the wound but it was already neatly bandaged.

"I cleaned it up and had to put a few stiches, the bullet only damaged the outer skin. Within a few weeks you won't feel any of it." He kindly smiled at me.

"Are you a doctor or something?" I asked while looking around the room. It is a spacious room but there's next to nothing in it. An empty wooden desk but no chair, a closet and the bed I was sitting on.

"No but my dad was, I always observed when he was working so I know a few basic things." He explained.

"Right…" I pushed myself off the bed, once more attempting to stand, this time more stable. "I need to go."

He frowned and looked confused. "You should rest, after all you just got shot."

"I have somewhere I need to be." It felt like my head was slightly spinning and the room became blurry but the sensation was gone again in a second. "Exactly what did you give me?" I looked back at him.

"Just some painkillers, if you don't watch out you'll faint again, and you don't want to faint out there." He peers out of the window and I followed his gaze, I realize I was in the east side of the underground city.

"You live here in Asama?" I asked.

Asama is the richer neighbourhood of the underground. Everyone who lives underground is poor, but the people who live in Asama go up often and can afford fresh food, not just the leftovers the rest has to deal with.

Baffled he looked at me. "How could you tell with just one glance out of the window?"

"I know the underground by heart."

I walked over to the door, even if I wanted to stay here, I can't. Tonight I have a job to take care of and I can't let this one slip, when I successfully complete this one, I have gathered enough money for the citizenship above.

However, nothing will stop me from doing this.

I walk the stairs and he follows me down. The rest is sitting in the living room. I ignored them and wanted to walk outside but I smelled fresh baked bread and when I did, I realised I haven't eaten for a while. The only piece of fruit I had was thrown in sewer water and the thought made me bitter all over again.

"What do you think you're doing?" The boy named Ethan asked and stood up.

"Can't you see?" I asked and grabbed a piece of bread from the counter. I wouldn't take food of people that don't have enough themselves, but clearly they weren't low on food. "I'm taking some before I leave." When I turned around he put both his hands against the counter, closing me in.

"Ethan." Kay said but this time he ignored him.

I take a bite and lift my brow while looking at him. "Your friend owes me." I glance over to Kay and Ethan followed my gaze. "But, this will do just fine." I lifted my knee and hit him in the stomach and he fell to the ground. Kay didn't move but the rest got to their feet and gasped in what I think was disbelief or perhaps surprise.

I walked over to the table in the middle of the room where I saw my knife lying. "I think this is mine." I said and took a hold of it.

I heard footsteps and saw in the window my reflection, behind me one of the boys walking up to me. I turned and lifted my knife to his throat, his eyes went wide in astonishment. I faced him, then Ethan, before my eyes met Kay's. His expression is serious, not surprised unlike the rest. I then realized he's most likely their leader.

"Kay! Aren't you going to do something?" The girl shouted but he remained silent as his eyes remained glued onto mine. I nearly forgot the boy standing in front of me till he grabbed my wrist with both of his hands. I pulled my arm backwards and his body followed, I then suddenly stopped, pushing my elbow towards his face and it collided directly with his face. He stumbles backwards, covering his nose where blood is dripping out.

"I think that's enough." Kay spoke at last.

I surely do agree with him. I want to get away from this place and I need to get back home and prepare myself for tonight.

"Sorry to have bothered you." I put the knife in my back pocket. "Now if you'll excuse me." I turned and walked out the door, glancing over my shoulder one last time before shutting it behind my back.

I let out a audible sigh as I cautious walked through the neighbourhood to my home, normally I wouldn't stand out too much but now in the richer neighbourhood I do. People are dressed more properly and here am I, walking in my blood stained shirt and messy hair with a piece of bread in my hand. Not making too much eye contact on the way I walked the long painful road to the west side of town, where my house is located.

I arrive home but there is someone sitting on my staircase smoking a cigarette. "What do you want?" I asked, standing from a distance as I realized who it is. Every time she visited me unexpectedly it had to mean something bad for me.

"There's a change in plans." She said after she exhaled and a small cloud of smoke lingered from her mouth and resolved in the air. "Aren't you going to invite me inside?"

I walked past her and entered my home as she followed right behind me. "April!" I called her.

Yawning with a hand before her mouth she came walking down the stairs and she stopped when she saw Alys behind me. "What is she doing here?" She asked sleepily but she blinked a few times before her eyes widened when she focused on me. "What the hell happened to you?!"

"Never mind that, could you get me a new shirt." I asked and she hesitated before walking back up the stairs again.

Alys Sadler. A woman in her mid thirties, with ridiculous long auburn hair that reaches her lower back. She has a slim face, chocolate brown eyes and somehow this mysterious aura. She's always dressed in heels, matching clothing and the look is completed with fitting jewellery.

Alys Sadler is the woman I've been working for over the past few years. She's the one that gave me the highest paying jobs but also the most risky ones. Her jobs always mean business and I received good pay-checks but they were honestly bothersome. She's known as an infamous criminal here in the underground, but people don't know her face or name. After 4 years of working for her I found out she's actually a well-known figure within the Military Police. Within the corrupted system she has her way of making sure things go according to her plan. Furthermore I don't really care, she offers me jobs and I'm more than happy to take them on.

"What change in plans?" I asked impatiently and stood while she took place at the table.

"Before you interrupt me, let me finish talking." She began and made herself comfortable on the chair. "We found out that the house you're supposed to break in has been secured even more, therefore we hired another group you'll have to work with that's specialized in break-ins."

Already dreading the possibility of working with others I opened my mouth but she held her finger up. "Let me finish. I know what you think, but they're exceptional in breaking in, I'll leave the rest of the job to you and you will receive the same amount of money."

I slammed my hands onto the table. "I can't accept that. It'll only be an nuisance, I can handle this on my own!"

"There's no room for error."

"I understand, that's why-"

"Either you will work with them or I'll find someone else Jaclyn. You always deliver good work but I won't be taking any chances on this one." She interrupted me.

April sat in the corner of the room with a clean shirt on her lap, silently observing the scene. I felt conflicted, with newbies involved I might fail, but if I do succeed I get to leave the underground together with April for good.

"How many others?" I asked annoyed, already feeling defeated.

"Five, their leader is highly skilled, he already accepted to work with you."

I sighed loudly and plopped onto the chair. "Give me ten percent extra and I'll do it." I threw my hands over each other.

Alys smiled. "I'll honesty miss you down here." She grabbed her bag and put it onto the table and I saw it contained the money. "Now I'll have to find someone who's as capable and reliable as you." She took a cigarette and and lit it with her lighter, inhaling and blowing the smoke out.

I walked over to her and snatched it from her lips, pressing it out against a plate. "There are enough people who want to work with you, it won't be too hard finding someone." I put the cigarette back into her pocket. "And you should know by now, not in my house."

She chuckled. "See, that's why I like you, bold as ever despite knowing who you're dealing with." She jokingly winked and put her hand on my shoulder. "It was good working with you, Jaclyn. Who knows, maybe we'll see each other again someday, but this time up there."

"I hope not, unless you have some good news for a change." I sincerely said. I've grown a liking to her, and she to me, but in the end she does mean trouble. Perhaps when I'll be done with this I'll be able to find a real job and earn money in a normal acceptable way, not by killing people and breaking in.

"I wish you best of luck tonight. Now then, I should get going." She reassuringly squeezed my shoulder before she turned.

I walked to the door and held it open for her and she walked out, down the stairs and onto the streets. Lighting her cigarette as two men appeared out of nowhere and walked by her side. She waved me goodbye while looking onwards.

It's odd that I won't be seeing her from now on. In a really weird way I'm used to her visits and discussing her issues that I needed to solve. I can tell, she's grown unprofessionally close to me as she gave me more money then I should earn with certain jobs and often tells me more than I should know. I noticed how I put more effort when it came to her job requests.

When she disappeared from my sight I looked above, to the dark ceiling where no ray of sunlight will ever be able to shine through. It's honestly depressing, but knowing that I'll soon be able to leave this place gives me a glimpse of hope for the future. April won't have to live the life I led so far. A live where seeing and causing bleedings is a daily occurrence. We'll be able to live like normal people do, not being wary of everything and everyone. To live freely without worries, a job and a monthly income, food on the table every day.

If I accomplish this, if I'll be able to feel the sun on my skin, I know I've made it. I'll be keeping my eyes on the sun forever. For a lot down here, it's a wish that will never be granted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be in two days, maybe even Tuesday depending on the fact if I'll have it ready on time!


	9. A New Chapter in Life: part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify something, during these chapters April is 14 years old, Jaclyn is 18 and Kay is 19 at the time. Part 2! Also the final part of these chapters.

_Final part of these flashback chapters!_

* * *

 

"Promise me you'll make it back. Secure our citizenship Jaclyn!" April beams.

It's aggravating, knowing that someone depends and relies on me as much as I do on myself.

I nodded and hugged her tightly as she buried her head against my chest. "We'll be able to leave this godforsaken place soon." I guarantee her.

It's midnight and when I open the front door, it's eerily quiet. Something I truly hate and try to avoid is walking down the streets during night time in this doomed area. From here on I have to walk the half hour to Asama, the neighbourhood where the break-in will take place.

Alys who told me more than she should've, explained that I have to take away documents from a man that has been investigating her. She's convinced he possesses over enough evidence to lock her up and it's my task to snatch it away before he gets the chance to hand it in.

When I say I hate authority figures I'm not lying, but there's something about Alys that actually makes me want to succeed, even if it was just for her sake alone, but knowing I will get something big out of it too gives me the extra push I need.

I live in Kaizuka, one of the poorest and underprivileged neighbourhoods in the underground. Just walking down here at this time of the night makes my skin crawl. People sleep on the sewer water soaked streets and beg for food and shelter. I look straight ahead as I ignore the occasional body's at the side of the streets, some of them still awake, softly mumbling words, making this place even scarier.

I wanted to take another step but someone holding onto my leg caused me to come to a standstill. I glare down and see a man with sharply sunken cheeks, he's in his mid-thirties and speaking unintelligible words. I sigh as I have to face the harsh reality of the underground again. I can't close my eyes to these hell-like surroundings, after all this is reality. The fucked up and unfair world I live in and sadly have to deal with every day.

"Let go." I say as I try to shake him off. He then gradually started raising his voice as I still can't catch anything of what he's saying. "I really don't have time for this." I whisper annoyed and the man is suddenly starting a commotion out of nowhere. I notice lights of the homes around me being turned on. I take that as my queue to leave. "Let go." I warned a last time but his hands remained tightly around my leg. I lifted my other leg, kicking him in the face as his body falls back to the ground and immediately he went silent.

"Sorry." I whisper as I glance down. I quickly jog away, I can't afford to be late, or caught.

When I arrive in the street I'm supposed to be, I put my hoodie on to cover my face for the slightest. Straight away I notice the five people I am supposed to work with standing in an alley. One of them whistles and cautiously I walk over. They too, are wearing a hoodie and with the dim lights I'm not able to get a glimpse of their faces.

"Let's get going." I insisted, ready to enter the house and take the documents so I can get this over with.

"Wait, shouldn't we first see each other's faces?" One of them said. "We need to trust each other if we're carrying out such a dangerous job." He then added.

I'm standing with my back to them already annoyed, I'm too impatient for this.

"We don't have the time to built up something as useless as trust." I retort. "You're hired to do the breaking in right? Do your job and leave the rest to me." I started walking to the house but a hand on the shoulder stopped me.

"I'll be coming with you, the rest will be on the outlook." A male voice spoke.

"Fine with me. Do whatever you want, just don't fuck up." I shook him off and keep on walking as I hear his footsteps right behind me and the others' fade in the distance.

I stand in front of the place that somewhere had the documents locked away, it's a huge single house with a large fence built around it.

The underground district, the remains left from an immigration plan even has its richer and poorer neighbourhoods and it actually disgusts me how they build these unreasonable small houses, and then you have these giants. I can't wrap my head around how that this place was build as a last resort and they still manage to think of the status of the richer ones and build these houses. It's meant to be a one family home but it takes up the place where three if not more families could live.

Well, my bitter thoughts aren't going to change the situation one bit. I just want to get my hands on the papers for now and I'll be able to leave this fated place for good.

"This is your area of expertise?" I glance over my shoulder and set my eyes on boy who now had taken his hoodie off.

My eyes widen with surprise. "Honestly it had to be you!" I shook my head and he stares at me confused.

I took my hoodie off and his reaction was similar, bewildered he stares at me.

"So this is where you had to be?" Kay asked.

"Do your job already." I say and he nodded as he got to work, within thirty second the gate was open. If I had to do it myself it would've taken me much more time, maybe Alys is right about working together with them.

Tiptoeing we moved forward to the front door which Kay also opened in no time. I take a step inside and glance around.

I look around in awe, the house is filled with expensive looking statues and it has a shiny marble floor. Suddenly the clock in the hall rings and I do a step backwards as I bump into Kay.

"Just the clock." He says.

"Obviously." I say as I quickly walk further in the house. "We should hurry, it's already three o'clock."

Something seems off, but then again, everything always appears suspicious to me. There's a broad staircase and from what Alys had told me, the papers are most likely located in the bedroom.

I walk up the stairs and notice that Kay is soundlessly following me, as long as he doesn't interrupt while I get to work I guess I don't mind having him near. Trying my best to accurately remember the route description Alys gave me, I walk to the right and open the second door on the left. Like she had predicted, there's one man sleeping in the bed. I take out a piece of cloth and soak it with a sleep-inducing drug she had provided me with. For a change I don't have to kill anyone because this is about her and she doesn't want to raise suspicion by taking his life. Instead, simply taking away the evidence seems like a better idea this time.

I stand next to the bed of the man and forcefully press the wet cloth directly onto his face, covering both his mouth and nose. His eyes shot wide open and he protests but a moment later they close again as his body relaxed and he dazes off into a deep sleep. This is enough to hush him for the next few hours and luckily he wont remember any of it.

Straight away I get to work and open one drawer after another, flipping through pages but nothing contains what I am looking for. Kay unlocks a few I'm not able to open up but even those didn't held the important documents.

"Think." I say to myself while I looked at the room in detail. Where would _I_ hide something I want to keep save at all cost. I fumbled the furniture at all sides but there's nothing to be found.

"Perhaps he wears it on him." Kay suggested.

I frown at the idea of touching the man's body, but I assume it can't be helped, it's not a weird idea to be taking it with him everywhere he went. I'm curious though as to why would he go through so much trouble in order to lock Alys behind bars.

I stand next to the bed and observe him closer. He's a bold, overweight man, presumably in his forties and he has this oddly shaped moustache. Reluctant I pull the covers behind but let them fall down halfway. "Would you mind?" I mumbled, asking Kay to do it.

He is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed as a smirk marks his face. "I'm not exactly eager to touch an old man." I point out.

"Alright." He shrugs and walks over, checking the man's body for the documents while I crossed the room in a couple of strides. I come to a halt before the window and the floor underneath my foot squeaked. I push the tip of my shoe against the floor and the noise is clearly audible again. I'm about to check it but movements outside caught my eye.

I peek through the curtains and my heart skipps a beat as I gasp loudly. "Shit, they're here!" I shout to Kay and confused he looks up to me. "Your friends, I think it's the Military Police that caught them!" Before I can turn around again he already exited the room.

Hastily I take my knife out of my pocket, lifting the wooden floorboard with it and surely, here are the papers I'm looking for. I grab the large envelope with Alys' name written on it and quickly scan through them, Alys' name along with her crimes are written on the documents and I make sure there's nothing left hidden underneath the floor. I tuck it inside my shirt and hurry downstairs. Before I can even reach the ground floor I hear one, two and then the third piercing shot.

"Shit... don't tell me they would actually..." I leave the sentence unfinished when I see Kay standing at the front door with his hoodie on and a weapon in his hand. I peer across him and see the bodies of his comrades lying lifelessly on the ground. The Military Police that I recognized by their logo, are slowly walking up the house with their guns pointed right at him.

"Get on your knees and put your hands behind your head." They yell commands and it looked like Kay was about to obey.

"Fucking idiot!" I yell and I jump at him. We both fall to the ground inside the house and I'm sitting on top of him. "Unless you want to die too, come with me." I say and pull him up by his collar. I run to the back of the house and out of every window I look there's someone standing. This place is completely surrounded.

Kay stands next to me. His expression is dull, almost as cold as the body of his fallen comrades.

Honestly, I feel bad for him but right now I don't have time to show sympathy. We need to leave this place alive. I can't die, not a moment before I'm about to leave the underground for good.

I thought hard as an idea came to mind while trying to ignore the demanding orders from outside.

"Kay, you take a chair and throw it out of that window and at the same time I'll throw one out of this one." He nodded and I continued. "After that we escape through the back door and make a run for it." Succeeding is not likely with this ill-considered plan but it's the best I can come up with in this stressful situation.

"Ready?"

We nod at each other and the piercing sound of the glass breaking is all that reaches my hearing. I take Kay's hand and we rush out the door. I look back and see they divided into two groups at the broken windows, not realizing we just escaped. We climb over the fence and ran through the streets to the opposite side of town.

My mind works quick as we run and turn corners, trying to keep my mind clear and alert while my heart is beating so fast it's almost painful. I'm short on breath and my body feels hot. That was a really close call, but we're not safe yet.

"Where are you planning on going?" He asked while panting and I dragged him along with me, still holding onto his hand.

"I'm certain they won't be looking as far as Kaizuka, if we keep running at this pace we'll reach it in fifteen minutes or so." I said through ragged breaths and sweat drops are tickling my face.

Abruptly I came to a halt because Kay stopped moving. "What is it? We don't have time to be taking breaks!" I say and pull him forward again.

"I can't... leave them behind, I should return, I-"

I don't have time to deal with this right now. I turn around, and when I do, I smack him across the face, back into reality.

"Listen to me." I swallowed hard. "They're gone, mourn later, right now make sure you survive and get going for fucks sake!" I shout at him and his eyes widen, he slowly nodded and took a deep breath. "Come on then." I say and we pick up speed again.

Based on that, I can tell he's a strong person. I'm someone that gets people back on their feet to face the world, but I myself am no hero when dealing with the feelings he must feel right now. That's why I'm amazed that was all it took to keep him going.

After approximately thirty minutes we reach the house. Along the way we encountered the Military Police multiple times so we had to stop and hide before we could continue.

April is sitting outside on the stairs and she stands up when she notices us approaching. Puzzled, her eyes fell onto Kay.

April opened the door and let us enter. "Sit." I say to him and he does. He's a winsome guy but right now it looks like all life has drained right out of him.

"Save your questions for later." I say to April who surely wants to ask me a thousand already. "I got hold of the documents." I let her know and she realizes what that means and her eyes lit up with excitement.

"Really! So we get to leave this place!" She said enthusiastic but she calmed down when her eyes fell onto Kay again. "Who's that? Why did you bring him along?" She asks warily and confused.

"What do you mean by leaving this place." He questions April but she looks over to me.

"We're leaving the underground to live above." I answered.

His unsure frame is sitting on the chair and he looks in deep thought. "What are you going to do from here on?" I ask carefully, knowing very well his life just dramatically changed. He stares at his hands that rested on his lap, I guess he himself has no idea.

"If you have nowhere to go, come with us."

April's mouth fell open in disbelief and her eyes shift between me and Kay. I eyed him seriously. "I won't ask twice." I say and stand up.

"Are you serious?" He asks, seeming just as surprised as April is. "If that wouldn't be a problem." He answers softly, looking unsure.

"I'm the one inviting you, not?" I swiftly smile and he returns it.

"Well then, I think I haven't properly introduced myself. Jaclyn Rosenthal." I held my hand out for him and he took it.

"Kay Andreasen. Nice to meet you Jaclyn." He shook my hand.

"And this is April." I say and motioned to her.

"Pleased to meet you." She charmingly smiled and also shook his hand. "But, I need to hear all the details about how you two met. I know jaclyn wouldn't invite just _anyone_ to join us." She says teasingly.

"Don't get the wrong idea brat."

The conversation is interrupted by the door that slowly opened and I recognized the familiar face that stood on the other side.

"Ethan!" Kay hurried over to him."What happened?" He asked while he looked him over but he didn't appear to be injured.

He is panting heavily and probably breathing too hard to even mutter a word. I drag him across the room and let his body fall onto the couch. "Let him catch his breath." I say to Kay before he gets the chance to speak again.

I hand Ethan a glass of water and with a big gulp he drank it all in one go. I pull a chair and sit in front of him as Kay joined me. "You were supposed to be on the lookout, what the hell happened?"

He takes a few deep breaths before he starts talking. "I was on top of the roof... I don't know how they found out, but suddenly the place was surrounded by the Military Police. When... when Nola put up the slightest bit of resistance they shot her."

He stares down to his feet, probably trying to wrap his head around the fact his friends are gone. Kay also looked downwards as he restlessly fiddled with his hands.

"After Nola was shot, Jacob and Omar stood up... and that's when they also got killed, I saw you two escape through the back so I followed you here."

"I see." I say in deep thoughts.

Someone must've alarmed them when they noticed us on the streets... but for the Military Police to gather with such a large number is unusual. The only other option I can think of is that they expected us from the very beginning.

"The fucking pigs! You should've taken them all out!" April suddenly shouted and I'm not sure who that was directed to.

"What are we going to do?" Ethan says as he buries his head into his hands and it sounds like he's on the verge of breaking down.

Kay glances over to me. I had just invited him to come with us, I didn't count on his friend, that I didn't like, to also show up.

I sigh loudly and put my hands onto my hips. "If you gather all the money you have, will you have enough for the two of you?"

"You're okay with that?" He asks surprised and Ethan looks up to us.

"If you buy your own way out I can offer you a place to stay."

Those dull eyes of him glisten with a little glimpse of hope and I'm glad I can do this for him. His friend however... I'm not so sure about him but I'll let him join for now. I can always kick his ass out later on.

The money I've earned and saved these past years along with selling this house, finally I'll be able to buy our way out for good. Alys has arranged a house for us at the edge of the forest within wall Rose and she also helped me out with the finances. I can't believe I actually befriended someone from the Military Police.

April is already bombarding them with questions and they're a bit taken aback by her being so overly exited. It's something they'll have to get used to from now on and I laugh as I watch her quickly making new friends.

Kay glances up to me and despite everything that has happened, he offers me a smile that I happily return.

* * *

I won't have to live here again, that thought seems like a unreachable dream but that day has finally arrived.

My mind is occupied with the possibilities of things I'll now be able to do.

I am no longer suppressed by the depressing and suffocating underground.

"Awesome!" April shouts and looks up to the sky.

It's a clouded day but they shift and rays of sunlight break through. I smile at how April's emerald eyes are sparkling with happiness and she now silently stares at the beautiful scenery in front of us.

Kay and Ethan stand beside me and they too, speechless enjoy the sight.

"We finally made it out, this time for good." I smile and April hugs me from the side.

"You really did it." She breaths out.

Indeed, I finally did it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that were the two flashback chapters. I doubt it but I hope you enjoyed reading it! At least I did while writing these chapters. ^ ^  
> I'll TRY my best to update on Sunday or Monday and otherwise Tuesday for sure. I have a busy week ahead of me!


	10. Expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, late update. (･_･;  
> But it's the longest chapter I've posted so far so I guess that's compensation for being late. ^^

_"Wake up!"_

"Mmmh." I groan and pull the blankets over my head as I curl up, not quite ready yet to face whatever the day has in store for me.

"Did you forget that today is the expedition day?"

I shot upright into a sitting position and bumped my head against something, right after follows someone's uncontrollable laughter that beyond doubt belongs to Jonah. "What the hell?" I say confused, my voice hoarse from just waking up.

I rub my forehead and opened my heavy eyelids as I had trouble adjusting to the sudden change in contrast.

When my vision sharpens I see Levi standing beside my bed, his hand also covering his forehead. I'm amazed to see that his scowl can even intensify, I think I've never seen him this irritated before. Jonah sits on the chair at the desk and tries his best not to burst out again. One glance from Levi is enough wipe the grin off his face and the chuckles die on his lips.

"You missed breakfast idiot. You surprise me, oversleeping on such a day." His arms are crossed and he seems dumbfounded by my amazing ability to oversleep yet again, no matter how important the day.

"Be outside in fifteen minutes, we're leaving soon." He said as he waved his hand a single time before closing the door behind him.

Every time I blink I have difficulty opening my eyes again. With a sigh I let myself fall back into bed.

"No!" Jonah's loud voice made me jerk up and if it wasn't for him, I'm certain I would've fallen asleep right now.

"What is it?" I ask irritated but apologise right after. "I'm still half asleep you know."

"That's not good, we're leaving soon."

"I know, I'll be out in a sec." I said as I closed my eyes for a brief second, but immediately fluttered open again. "Wait, we?"

I look over to Jonah who is smiling from ear to ear. "What do you mean _we_?"

"I convinced Erwin to take me on this expedition. He was persistent that I shouldn't go just yet but in the end he pretty much gave up and granted me permission. So I'll also be joining you today!" He says thrilled.

"Eh? Do you want to die that much?" I wonder. If a commander says I'm not ready to fulfil dangerous tasks or join deadly expeditions, I wouldn't fight him to change his mind. But that's what Jonah is like, something I belief I will never get used to.

"We both have different goals. Let's just not question each other's motives." He wisely says and I agree.

A sudden hard knock on the door caught us both by surprise. "Coming!" I yell, knowing there's an impatient Levi waiting on the other side.

"I'll meet you outside." Jonah says before leaving my room and I quickly change into uniform. Since oversleeping and occasionally missing breakfast is a habit of mine, I secretly keep food in my room. I hastily gobble on a piece of bread and hurried outside.

There are roughly hundred soldiers, everyone already sits on their horses and I think I am the last to leave the building. I notice Petra waving to me and see the rest of the squad including Levi sitting on a horse and holding onto another one. I stride through the crowd of soldiers to Levi and the rest when I hear people whisper about me.

_"That is the so promised strong trainee?"_

_"I bet she doesn't take this seriously."_

Honestly they annoy the hell out of me but I decide not to throw in commentary.

Instead, I smile at them. I realise very well that we're all the same boat. If one member of the team doesn't preform well, everyone fails, and this time, failure results in death. Something I still want to defer for now.

The last thing I need is people who will doubt to work with me during critical moments. So I just push all negative feelings away and keep on walking, not giving away my actual feelings.

Levi hands me the bridle and I climb onto the horse. My fake smile immediately fades and when I turn my back to the crowd and look up, Jonah smirks at me. Of course that brat is the one that has to notice.

"Who's squad are you part of?" I ask trying to direct the attention away from me.

"Mike Zacharius. Before Levi they called him humanity's strongest." He says as we now march two by two to the gate.

"Mike... which one is Mike?" I ask glancing around, not sure what I was looking for.

"The tall blonde between Levi and Hanji." He motions backwards. I peer over my shoulder to see the tree of them marching next to each other. Mike looks up and our gaze swiftly met before I quickly look forward again.

So before Levi was in the picture, Mike was named humanity's strongest. I wonder what Levi did in order to take over his title.

"So you're in good hands then?"

He hummed and I observe his ebullient frame. He seems relaxed, like always a smile was plastered onto his face. "You're not scared?" I ask. "Not even for the slightest?"

"Don't tell me... you are?" He asked in disbelief.

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't."

I really am tense, fearful or perhaps worried. I can't find the suitable word or point my finger on this feeling. Maybe it's because April and Kay don't know about it. I promised them to never join an expedition, I would avoid it by any means necessary. Yet here I am, on a horse heading towards the gate that separated us from the undeniable danger that lurks on the other side.

I'm fiddling with the bridles along the way and Jonah and I continued in silence till we reached gate.

"Don't you die on me, you're my only friend at Survey Corps." I jokingly warned him but I'm serious as can be and he knows it.

"Same goes for you, but I'm not really worried about that!" He said before we repositioned. He had to go in front with Mike's squad while me and Levi's squad stood between them and Hanji's.

The bells ring and slowly the gate opens, lifting the soil along with it from the earth. A steady wind blows from the gate over us. There's a blinding white light and I can't see anything yet from the other side, the outside world.

"Advance!" I recognised Erwin's voice call out and everyone moved forward. I briefly exchanged glances with Jonah a last time when he looks over his shoulder, he waves again and I smile in return.

A lot of soldiers seem enthusiastic and more than ready to leave the walls. I'm curious to see what the other side looks like, but I have no great desire to enter the Titans territory.

Well then, here goes nothing.

As soon as I pass through the gate I can see kilometres over the horizon without any sight of the walls interrupting it. For a moment I am speechless while I enjoy the beauty of nature that lays before me. I wasn't keen on leaving but I have to say being out here is a different experience. It's incomparable to being inside the walls, somehow it seems serene and quiet. If I didn't know, I would say no danger lurks here.

I look behind me, the enormous walls standing as high as they are. I'm captivated, it feels unreal watching it from the other side. Even after three years of living above I'm still in blithe spirits for making it out of the underground, but for someone like me to be here right now, is like a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare, I'm not sure which one is more accurate.

Erwin pointed his arm to the sides. "Go into long range scouting formation!" He shouts and the soldiers divide into groups like we're supposed to.

I brace myself for all that might happen today. I know the mission is risky and dangerous, many soldiers will die as they always return with thirty percent less. I am determined to make it back in one piece, maybe not without injury but to at least make it back alive is a goal I set and will live up to.

Gunther is by my side, Levi in front with Eld and old man and Petra behind us. Everyone is focused on the foe that might appear any second, whilst I am gazing around, my eyes shifting everywhere and nowhere as I take in the stunning landscape. We are the group at the most outer part of the formation, firing glares and taking out the Titans we encounter is the main task for us.

"It'll be okay." Petra says as she smiles at me.

"Does it really look like I need reassurance?" I wonder.

"It's okay if you want to cry, after all it's your first time! Petra also-"

"Shut it Oluo! You pissed your pants on your first expedition!" Eld smirks.

"Guys! Stop bickering." Ghunter commands and glances over to me. "For the record Jaclyn, I didn't cry or piss my pants."

I can't help but smile at how they interact. They always seem to squabble and annoy the hell out of each other, especially Petra and Oluo, but they are very protective and caring. They are a great team, I've seen so during training.

We've been travelling roughly twenty minutes outside the walls now and still we haven't confronted any Titans. Maybe we can make it to the forest without having to fight.

_We are seated in one of the rooms used for classes. Levi sits on the desk with a cup of tea in his hand and Hanji stood in front of the blackboard, ready to inform me about the expedition._

_"Wait, before you start. Why is Jonah here?" I ask her, looking over to him._

_"He also wanted to attend, I'm not sure why." She says confused just like I am._

_He shrugs and smiles, then motions for Hanji to continue._

_"Yes! Of course." She starts. "As you know, we have planned two expeditions, this first expeditions' goal is to catch a regular Titan and take it with us within the walls." Ecstatically she informs me._

_My mouth literally fell open. "Why would you do such a thing?" I didn't know what to expect and though I thought it was impossible, I'm already dreading this expedition even more now._

_"Let me ask you something; to defeat your opponent, what do you do?"_

_"In what context?"_

_"Every."_

_I reiterated the question out loud and took a moment to think. I snap my fingers as I might have an idea what Hanji's goal could be. Her reason to capture a Titan alive._

_"To defeat your opponent you must learn about them, their movements, reactions. You find out as much as you can before engaging in a battle. Find a weakness you can exploit." I swiftly glanced over to Levi, that's exactly what I'm doing with him right now._

_"I guess that could be a reason when you'll be fighting against those giants." I shrug, not sure if that's what she means._

_"Exactly, a smart girl I see!" She says ebullient. "Now you have the knowledge as to why, I'll tell you your positions." She begins serious again._

_She points to the drawing on the chalkboard and explains what it is and how it works; the human radar. Apparently designed and created by Erwin himself. She explained how it has decreased the death toll on each expedition. She then taps on an outer dot in the formation at the right. "This is where you and squad Levi are situated. The stronger squads are positioned at the outskirts because that's where the first contact with the Titans will be."_

_"Oh." I sighed. I guess it can get worse after all. I hoped that since this formation is created to avoid Titans, we wouldn't come in contact with any but of course my squad is in charge of taking them out._

_"After you've eliminated the Titans on the way and we enter the forest of giant trees, we then search for a 10- preferably a 15 meter class Titan. So rest assured, the first time it'll be normal one."_

_"What... are you planning for the second expedition?" I question tentatively._

_"The second expedition we'll capture an aberrant." She says with this scary grin. I do admire Hanji though, for being interested in them. Instead of trying to kill them off till the last one has fallen, she's excited about learning their true nature._

_I guess that's the Survey Corps for you._

_Still the hairs on my arms stand up at the term 'aberrant'. Last time I encountered one it was trying to devour me... and nearly succeeded._

_"How are you planning to capture a Titan and bring it back alive?" I can't imagine safely bringing back a Titan without having it escape or kill countless soldiers in the process of capturing it._

_"Since the Titans body is quite lightweight for their actual size, we'll be able to get it onto a platform, we then lift it and with horsepower we'll be able to carry it inside the walls." She explains and I listen intently._

_"We have a 'target capture weapon', that are barrels loaded with steel tubes, each has coiled wires with arrowheads at both ends. With that we'll surely bring it to a complete standstill. However, capturing the Titan is one thing. On our return to the wall, all the squads will go back into formation, we'll have to protect the Titan by any means. Even if it costs you your live."_

_"Understood?" She looks me directly in the eye, making sure I got the shit load of information just now locked into my brain._

_"Clear as can be." I say as I'm still processing it all._

_"One more thing." Oluo interrupts. "You need to realise how little capability you have with the maneuver gear on the way, when there are no trees or buildings around."_

_I groan as I dry wipe my face. "How is that even possible?" The only Titans I fought were within the fallen wall Maria. The buildings are perfect to work with, but where do you even launch your damn cables at when there's nothing to hold onto on open field._

_"Levi is an expert in that area, you're lucky to have him as your captain." Hanji said and turned to Levi who just furrows his brows._

_"Bothersome." I whine and let my head fall backwards. Let's just hope we won't encounter any, at least not an aberrant._

"Captain, to the right a 12 meter class Titan running directly at us!" Petra alarmed.

The Titan is sprinting at full speed with its arms hanging clumsily around its body. Again, I'm amazed how much of an eyesore they are.

"There's another in front." Levi says calmly. "I'll take care of that one. Oluo!" He hints and makes brief eye contact with him before he goes off, heading straight for the Titan in front of us.

"Jaclyn, we'll take on the other one!" Oluo insists and my palms are becoming sweaty that instant.

"Isn't that a bit early? I'll go in her place!" Petra offers, saving my ass.

I let out a breath of relief. It's not that I can't fight Titans but I have zero experience on open field, so I'm just fine leaving it to those who do.

"What? You won't fight?" He asked perplexed.

"Let's go Oluo." Petra commands and already leaves as he then followed a horse length behind.

"Jaclyn, shoot your flare!" Eld orders. I search for the right colour, then firing the red smoke round that flies up towards the sky.

I watch them intently; they stand on their stirrups when they near the Titan, both jumping at the same time on their saddle before launching their cables straight into its belly.

I heard a loud bang and dust flew up, followed by a cloud of smoke. When I look closely I see Levi in the distance already returning on his horse.

I then focus back on Petra and Oluo, observing them, but got distracted by a dot in the horizon that was gradually growing larger with every passing second.

"Eld?" I call his name. I stare as I squint my eyes, pointing in the direction of Petra and Oluo. He follows where my finger was pointing at till he saw what I meant.

Without warning he and Gunther went off. "Shoot your black flare! It's an aberrant!" He yells and within an instant they're both gone.

"What! Are you kidding?! How can you tell?" I yell and look for the black smoke round. "Damn it." I say as I cover one ear and fire it. If I had hoped to avoid one thing it is seeing the black smoke linger in the air. I let out a audible sigh, of course it's my squad that has to stumble upon one.

I see Petra flying in the air and cutting the nape of Titan which then with a loud thud fell to the ground. I'm unable to spot any of them anymore as a wall of smoke arose from the lifeless body, completely fading the vision.

Loud bangs what sounded like heavy footsteps become more hearable, and the ground shakes in rhythm with the sound. I glance around and only now realise I'm all by myself.

My eyes are fixated on the wall of smoke and suddenly... a Titan emerges. At least 17 meters high and running straight to me. "Fuck." I breath out and my eyes wide with shock.

I kick my horse and gain more speed but I already see I'm not able to outrun this one. Behind it Eld, Gunther, Petra and Oluo are trying to catch up but its a useless attempt. It's evident that it's faster then any other normal Titan.

I draw my blades. It's been long ago since I've been challenged like this. Guess I'll have to fight it right here, there's no escape.

I won't die, I reassure myself. Whatever happens, I won't die.

I put my hands on the saddle and stand on it. With a deep breath I jump off, launching my cables at the Titan. I hit the leg and the Titan abruptly stopped in its tracks. "What?" I shout confused.

Ah, not this again. Like the time during the graduation test when the Titan suddenly stopped and grabbed me. No need to envision the situation like Levi taught me, I know it's moves this time.

As expected it's immediately reaching down for me. I put on full gas to escape it's deadly grasp and land with my feet on the leg. I jump backwards in the air and while I am facing the world upside down, I notice the other black flares are also fired.

It is like everything goes in slow motion. All of a sudden it seems darker and colder. I turned my head and saw the who knows how much times bigger hand hovering over me, blocking the sun. There's no escape route, nowhere to launch my cables at to get away. The hand is closing in on me, I keep my blades in front of me as if that would have any effect, but I'm ready to attempt to cut my way through. Just when lift my arms, ready to attack, the hand stops moving.

Levi appears and jumps from behind the hand as blood splatters surrounded him in the air. The humongous hand fell to the ground as I did too. Levi cut it completely off? I landed on one foot and it felt like my bones are being crushed due the force. I hunch over and restrain myself from screaming out loud as I bit on my lip.

I look up and see Levi slicing the nape, effortlessly killing the Titan who then fell to the ground as another cloud of dust and smoke arose.

Levi lands near me and waits for our horses to return to him before walking over to me.

"Are you injured?"

I look my body over and focus on any other agony besides my ankle, but I don't feel anything serious worth mentioning. "Just dirty." I swipe the dust off my uniform. The rest also arrives and Eld jumps off his horse.

"Are you okay Jaclyn?" I shouldn't have let you alone." He eyes me with worry and sounds apologetic.

"Don't worry, I'm unharmed. Just surprised... to say at least." I said as my thoughts are still with the Titan. All that had just happened within thirty seconds and I'm still startled.

"You thought you knew it's movements, didn't you?" Levi pulls me up to my feet and I feel a pang of pain run through my ankle.

Accidentally I squeeze his hand as a reaction to the sudden ache. I glance downwards and immediately let his hand go. "Sorry." I mumble as I lean onto my other foot and the discomfort relieves in an instant.

"It reminded me of an aberrant I once fought. This one had similar movements, but I know that no aberrant is the same. Still, I thought I knew what it would do next." I confess as I realise my stupidity now I say it out loud.

"It's only natural to think that. Just don't make the same mistake twice."

I nod and with a careful but steady pace I walk over to the horse and climb on it.  
"Thank you, Levi." I say sincere.

He and Eld also climbed back onto their horses. "For what?" He asks and looks over to me.

Isn't it obvious? "Saving me of course." I feel obligated to at least show him some gratitude.

"Why do you sound surprised? Didn't I tell you not to die on my watch. Just keep focusing and don't get yourself killed." He commands at last but he didn't seem annoyed like I had expected.

Indeed, I am surprised in a way. But why? It's only natural that he would do that and they expect me to return the favour any time. I parted my lips to answer. Maybe it is because I still cling on the idea of killing him. The fact that it's the reason that I'm here makes it feel like the whole world is made from glass, one wrong step and everything will shatter in my path.

"Not surprised, just grateful." I said at last and as he turns around, I see the edges of his lips slightly turning. I shake my head and kicked the horse as we all start to move ahead at full speed to catch up with the rest.

The forest of giant trees is finally in sight. We haven't spotted any more Titans on the way, maybe luck will be on our side from now on. But can you say you've been lucky when you've encounter three at the same time?

The formation closes in and all soldiers now gather together, surrounding the supply carts that need to be protected at all cost. Eld ordered me to stay at the back of the formation and while I do, I search through the crowd of people for Jonah. It's nearly impossible with that many faces around you and everyone wearing the exact same uniform.

"Jaclyn!" I hear his voice call out. I glance over to the left and see him waving, coming my way.

"Seen any Titans?" Is the first thing he asks as he's now by my side.

"Three, Levi killed two and Petra and Oluo the other one."

"Amazing! I haven't seen any so far." He frowns and actually looks sad at the realisation.

Amazing? This boy is out of his mind.  
"You're crazy, you know that?" I state as a matter of fact.

He shrugs. "I guess... however, you're crazy for comparing them to us, or feeling neutral towards them." He smirks at his own comeback.

"Oh shut up." I say while joining in with his laughter. The smile on my face slowly fading when I sense an unusual, disturbing aura. Like the calm before the storm. Just for a brief moment I nearly forgot we're outside the walls and I let my guard down. Outside in the deadly Titan territory where numerous soldiers have fallen.

"Something is not right." I say cautious of my surroundings. I look left, right and to the front but there are no indications of Titans anywhere near. The forest is now within eyesight and it will take around ten minutes until we'll arrive there.

Suddenly a red flare is fired and the smoke flies right above us. I follow the red smoke as I bended my head all the way to the back till my eyes fall on once again, yet another Titan. I look at it upside down, running with its hands stretched out. It looks so unbalanced, as if it can fall over any second. I lift my head again and when I peer over to Jonah, he already turned.

"I'll go!" He exclaimed and off he went without the slightest hesitation.

"Jonah!" Mike yelled but it fell to deaf ears.

That idiot will get himself killed acting so reckless.

I fought back the urge wanting to help him, but I couldn't. I go in the opposite direction of the forest and went straight after him. "Jonah turn away!" I yell. I know this is going to be just as reckless, but it's worth a try for his sake.

I'm behind him and jump from my horse, over to the Titan who's large hands are ready to grab Jonah. Even Jonah's cool demeanor is now faltering when facing this giant. But who wouldn't? Aside from Levi that is.

Keeping my practice with Levi in mind I hold my blade backwards and the other crossed in front of me. I put on full gas and spin around in mid-air till I reach the arm of the Titan. I cut all the way up to the top untill I reach its face.

I jump forward, ready to penetrate it's eyes with my blade but I freeze when those pupils shift to my direction. My hearts skips a beat but I know I can't hesitate right now, not if I want to live. With ease my blades slide into both eyes as the Titan lets out an deafening scream. I jump back in the air and while the Titan is holding both of its hands over its eyes I take that opportunity to launch my cables and slice the nape before it can cause any more trouble.

I land on the ground next to the Titan. I stand up but forgot my injury and I immediately fall back to the ground. It's honestly the worst timing for an injury like this. I tried to turn it and when I do, sharp pains shot through my ankle.

I'm surrounded by smoke and faintly I hear the steps of a horse nearing. When I look up I see someone standing in front of me, reaching out their hand.

I take it and I when I'm being pulled up I automatically stand on both feet again.  
Right... I need to stop doing that because this way I'll damage it even more.

As the smoke slowly clears I realize its Levi. "Not bad." He compliments as we both walk up to my horse. "But why not let Jonah handle it?" He glances over his shoulder to me.

I stop walking when I suddenly think about the conversation I had with Levi not long ago.

_"I don't have many people I care that much about. Not within the Survey Corps at least."_

That's what I had told him, but I've just proven otherwise. I won't put my life on the line just for anyone, or that's what I thought.

"Come on. We should go." He nudges my shoulder and let the question slip.

"Thank you again."

"Huh?" He turns as he sits on his horse. "Let me tell you something, within the survey corps people expect you to help them out. To offer up your life for theirs, you should expect it from them like it's their job. No need to waste time on showing gratitude."

"Yes, you're probably right. But, I still want to let you know I'm grateful." I smile to him but when I meet his eyes he quickly turns to look onwards.

Confused I'm looking to his back. Don't tell me, he has difficulty accepting something simple as a thank you? I chuckle as I join his side. We both hurry and catch up with the rest. He goes back into position at the front and I find my way back to Jonah again.

"What was that about?" He asks.

"Jonah, I know you want to kill Titans, but going straight for it in open space? Don't be stupid. You'll get yourself killed." I lecture and it feels like I'm playing the role as his guardian.

"Perhaps... but you stole my kill!" He whines with a smile on his face.

"I could kill you right now." I say but he never stops beaming. I risk my live to save his and he's complaining about taking credit. I draw my blade and hit his head with the back of it. "Jeez, Jonah you surprise me."

"I deserved that didn't I?" He strokes the side of his head and apologetic smiles. "Thank you for putting your live on the line for me. I guess I didn't realise, but you really care for me don't you?"

I blink a few times at his sudden serious expression. His happy child like features are gone in an instant and he looks 5 years older. "Don't push it you brat."

But he continues anyway. "You seem pompous at first, but once you break through that defensive wall of yours I realise how warm hearted you are."

"Jonah." I warn him to shut it. Is this supposed to be complimenting?

"When you care about someone, you will go to any length to protect them. I'm not saying I am that person. It's just what I've realised." He then becomes five years younger again as his dimples reveal themselves again. "But I'm serious, thank you! I won't rush to my death like that because that'll mean you will be in danger too."

"Do it because you value your own life, not because of me. Also, you really expect me to save you every time?"

Suddenly the formation splits up in groups and I see that I also need to move forward again.

"I know you will do it again if necessary." He says confident while looking for his own squad. "Don't get yourself killed trying to save others, it'll be the death of you!" He says and before I'm able to part my lips, he's already gone. Speechless I watch him leave and I decide to also meet up with my squad in front.

When I reach them we're at the outskirts of the forest. The trees already seemed huge from a distance, but from right underneath them reality hits. I can't even see the top, that's how high they are. Now I really understand what Hanji meant, this is the perfect playground.

Well then Titans, bring it on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the snk names aren't disturbing. I know a lot of people name Oluo - Auro, Eld - Eldo or Hanji - Hange.  
> I just name them based on the subbed translation of the version I've watched the anime in.


	11. Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update :)

"Focus on what's in front of you." Oluo says and I tore my gaze away from behind.

"I thought I heard something." I mutter as I follow him.

Levi had paired us in two groups. He went with Petra, me and Oluo together and Gunther and Eld formed a duo.

"Fire a yellow smoke round when you've found a Titan that matches the description. Hanji will fire a green one as a confirmation; you will have to lure it to where Hanji's shot was fired. When you've seen both the yellow and green smoke everyone must return." Levi had explained before we went opposite directions.

"Hey old man, are we just moving around in circles hoping to stumble upon a Titan?" I say bored. It might be the first time I passed this spot or the hundredth, everything looks exactly the same.

He lands on a branch and turns around. "You have much to learn." He says as he puts his hands onto his hips.

"I guess I can learn much from an old man hmm? You must have a lot of experience." I joke and his face goes red again. At least I can entertain myself messing around with him.

I plan jumping on a branch, I stretch my uninjured leg out, ready to land, but but when I look down I stare into a black hole.

A black hole that wants to eat me.

"Watch out!" Oluo shouts and I launch my cables just in time as I'm being lifted.

"Whoa! Calm down big boy!" I say as it swallows the branch whole. "Since when are Titans able to jump?" I ask Oluo but he shrugs, not knowing the answer himself. Maybe it is another aberrant?

With a loud bang the Titan falls back on its feet while staring at us. "Would Hanji approve of this one?" I ask as I make my way down, its eyes follow my movements closely, entirely fixated on me.

"She would like anything really, but this one is too short, probably a 7 meter."

"Too bad, I like this one." I opined. I notice it is squatting, ready to jump again. Quickly I move out of the way and indeed, the Titan launches itself meters high as it swallows and destroys everything in its path.

"Huh? Are you starting to go mad? You sound like Hanji." He quipped and crosses his arms. "Come on, we need to move."

I nod as I follow Oluo, leaving the Titan behind while on the search for a suitable one that matches the type Hanji is looking for.

"This is monotonous, so boring." I yawn as another ten minutes pass by. "But boring is a good sign, it means we're save and sound." I add and Oluo agrees.

Out of nowhere I hear a scream in the distance and this time it definitely came from a human. It sounded desperate, a cry for help. I swiftly exchange glances with Oluo and both rush towards the direction the voice came from.

I stop moving mid-air when I lay my eyes on the scene before me. The soil and surrounding trees are colored bright red, human limbs are spread across the ground as Titans walk up to them and slowly munch their meal away.

"Don't lose focus!" Oluo alerts me and I blink a few times, realizing if I don't do anything soon I'll crash into a tree.

"Any survivors?" I shout while frantically glancing around. Three Titans are facing the ground and standing with their backs to us, seemingly too occupied with eating to notice us. Abruptly one of the Titans turns around and stares straight at me. I gape open-mouthed while I hold my breath.

"Help." A young woman softly pleads as she chokes on what are probably her last breaths. She's in her twenties with short blonde hair and her eyes widen when hers meet mine. Silent tears fall to her ears and she reaches her arm out to me. "Help me." She says just above a whisper. Her body is stuck between its teeth and blood gushes from her stomach as if there's no end to it.

Ten seconds have past and I have already thought a million things as my brain is going in overdrive. When we rushed towards the scene I had no idea what to expect but it would never come close to this. "Oluo shoot the black flare!" I yell and without much thought launch myself forward. "You bastard!" I shout as I fly over the Titan, hitting the cables in the neck. With a facile movement I sliced it and the Titans blood splatters all over my face. I land back on the branch and wiped my bloodied face before I realized I was too late. Terror was all written over her face and her body has gone motionless; the Titan had already bit her in half before I got the chance to kill it.

Oluo stands next to me as he had killed the other two. I sit on the branch, facing the gruesome scene before me. Steam evaporates into thin air as the bodies of the Titans disappear within minutes; only blood and limbs of humans remain lying on the ground.

"You couldn't save her." Oluo says. I think he tries to comfort me, resting his hand on my shoulder. I look up to him and he was also glancing down, grimacing. "You won't be seeing something like this for the last time." He remarks and I slowly nod.

From the body parts spread out across the place I count up to five people, surely there were more victims that were eaten before we got here. That's the size of an entire squad, wiped out in an instant. I didn't expect it to be pretty, but I wouldn't ever think it would be like this. People dying just like insignificant beings as if it's nothing. I've noticed Oluo has kept his cool all this time, he has seen it before and is more prepared than me.

"There are the help troops." He notices and I stand up. "We should move again." He says and when the others arrive, searching if they can recover anything to bring home, Oluo and I continue. We cross countless Titans but they're either too tall, short, or too much of an eyesore. Roughly another fifteen minutes pass and I think Oluo and I found the perfect candidate.

"I think this one will do?" I look over to him and he has his arms crossed as he observes the Titan.

"Perfect match." He smirks.

"So..." I begin but when Oluo keeps his smug face, I think I realize what he means. "Why me?!" I ask and I cross my arms, looking away.

"I hate to admit it but somehow you're faster with the maneuver gear, therefore I'll leave it to you."

For him to give up his pride and admit something like that... "Fine then." I jump in the air and I land on top of the Titan's head. I give a firm kick when it doesn't respond and suddenly he slams his hand on his head.

"That was close." I say as I just escaped in time.

"Don't play around." Oluo says seriously.

I let myself hang in the air before the Titan. "Over here!" I say as I the Titan slowly starts following me and then gradually increases its pace up to a sprint.

I keep a reasonable distance between myself and the Titan as I'm leading it straight into the trap. Hanji is waving and shouting she's ready to capture it. Since we fired the green flare I see that the other squads have already gathered.

"Jaclyn, move!" Hanji yells and I launch my cables far above me and within an instant I'm lifted, leaving the Titan behind while it is staring up to me.

Then what seems like a hundred cables are shot and the deafening sound of shots fired fill the air. When I land on a branch and glare down, I see the Titan is completely stuck, held into place by iron cables.

"Good job."

"What?!" I shriek and take a step back when I suddenly see Levi standing beside me, for a moment I forgot there's no place to put my foot and I step onto… nothing. I fall backwards but Levi grabs me just in time and pulls me forward as I fall into his chest.

"Don't let your guard down." He whispers as he's clutching me, his arms keeping me in place. I peer over his shoulder, noticing that everyone is occupied by the Titan.

"What do you mean? Titans don't come up this high and suddenly appear next to you. Jeez. Don't scare me like that." I say and pull away, crossing my arms.

He only huffs and turns around. "Anything happened on the way?" He then asks seriously.

"I was nearly devoured by this Titan that suddenly jumped out of nowhere." I say like it's a daily occurrence. "And then..." I stop mid-sentence when the images flash before me again.

He slightly turns his head to look at me. "Then what?"

"We came across what I think were five people. One of them was still alive, her body half inside the Titan's mouth. She called for help... but, I was too late killing it." I say looking down and softly let out a sigh.

"I see." He responds.

The mood had changed within an instant and when I look up to him he had already turned his back to me.

"Oluo isn't that bad though." I try to lighten the mood and Levi turns around with a faint smile as he nods.

"I didn't put you two together by coincidence." He says and does a step towards me and I looked into those deep greyish eyes. His eyes shifted between my eyes and my lips when I licked them. When he talks again his voice is low and deep, sending shivers down my spine. "But next time, I'll make sure to pair you up with me." He whispers into my ear. When he slightly backs away and his eyes once again meet mine, a smirk marks his face. "If you don't mind." He softly adds.

"Who would mind to be teamed up with Mr. Humanity's Strongest?" I say jokingly and he simpers at my comment.

"That's settled then." He turns around and crouches, peering down to Hanji who is busy commanding everyone around.

I glance over to Erwin who has two men standing beside him, his face looks serious as they're discussing something. Erwin looks up and his eyes meet Levi before they swiftly shift to me.

"We should meet Erwin." Levi says before jumping down as I follow him.

I stand a few meters away from them as they discuss what seems like important matters. The humongous Titan is standing only meters away from me, completely still as only its eyes are able to shift. Hanji's voice is present above all and soldiers are running around obeying her commands.

I rest against a tree as I lean my hands onto my knees and observe the structural chaos around me. It's as if only a short amount of time has passed since we've reached the forest but I know the day isn't over yet. That Titan still has to be tied up and transported, we still have to safely reach the walls.

When I focus on the people before me I realize it's my squad and Jonah who's walking with them. Even his buoyant frame is now gloomy and I realize I hate to see him like this, but at least he's alive and conveys the impression to be unharmed.

"Jaclyn." Levi calls me and I stand up, walking over to him and Erwin as the rest also joined.

"We just completed a headcount. From the 116 that joined today 21 are confirmed dead. Here with us right now are 78 soldiers, that means 17 are missing. Petra, Jaclyn and Eld, Levi chose you three to take part in the search." Erwin informs us and I already feel strangely uncomfortable. Wandering around means I might stumble upon more dead bodies.

Then Levi continues. "Hanji will be done in approximately half an hour, when a green signal flare is fired it means you will have to return. Somewhere within these woods there might be seventeen people still alive, it's our job to find them. Understood?"

"Yes!" Petra and Eld say in unison as I simply nod.

"Wait! May I join?" Jonah asks with pleading eyes and Levi looks over to Erwin.

"It's too dangerous for you to go alone." Erwin concludes and Jonah glances down in disappointment.

"What if he goes with me, it will be alright." I suggest and his face immediately lit up. Erwin sighs inaudible and waves his hand a single time in agreement.

Levi, Petra and Eld go separate ways as Jonah and I leave together, goal-orientated we head out on the search for survivors.

"Just don't leave my side, no matter what!" I warn Jonah and he nods, knowing I'll kill him if he disobeys. We search the forest grounds and listen intently for any signs of humans. Suddenly a black flare is fired just in front of us and we reach the spot a minute later.

I glance over to Jonah and see that all color has drained from his face. Everything within me tells me to leave, to not face this, but right now I am wearing the Survey Corps uniform. I am seen as a soldier and people count on me, weirdly I feel a sense of responsibility and I race to the people down.

Once again I see Titans chow down on humans with gear and all as bloods splatters and gushes from their mouths. Three people are standing together with their backs against a tree, holding their blades in front of them as four Titans approach.

"Stay there!" I yell to them and their teary faces look up shocked to me and Jonah.

"Jaclyn, commands?" He asks, his voice slightly shaking.

"You protect them, check if their gear works and if not then bring them up to the branches. Shoot your flare afterwards for backup, I'll kill the Titans!" I hastily come up with a plan and he immediately heads for the three people as I go after the Titan that would reach them first.

When I launch forward to kill the Titan I see one of the soldiers running away, trying to escape, but while doing that he just brought more Titans their way. The two Titans that were busy eating, now started walking up to the other two who still stood against the tree.

"Moron, I said stay there." I murmured angrily. He runs further away and the Titan quickly catches up, he is no match for their speed.

I retreat the cables and let myself fall down, when I nearly hit the ground I put on full gas and tackle the guy and the Titan just crosses us. Harshly we both land on the ground and turn a couple of times before coming to a halt. Quickly I stand up and only then realize the Titan is already before us, slamming its hand onto the ground and due the force my body is thrown against a tree. My vision is blurred by dust and I cough, trying to catch my breath.

"Damn it." I mutter. I stand up and want to run away but my injured ankle causes me to fall down again. When I look up I see the Titan's fist coming down for me again and it's slammed against the tree.

I barely escaped it but somehow did. The other soldier is already running towards Jonah and I see the black flare being fired, that must mean the other two are already safe.

"Jonah, help him!" I yell when I see him coming my way. "His gear doesn't work!" I shout and I see the dubious look on his face, with a grimace he listens and turns around to rescue the man.

I launch my cables and they hit the branch above me and just in time I'm brought to safety before I'm being hit by a fatal blow. I see the three frightened soldiers standing with Jonah and in the mean time I slice two napes, killing the remaining Titans.

I land on the branch were the three of them are sitting while Jonah is looking them over for any injury. I'm trying to hold my anger back but still furious I walk up to the blond haired male who had just risked everybody's life in his stupid attempt to run away.

He avoids my eyes as he looks away from me when our eyes briefly met. I grab him by his collar and lift him, demanding to look at me. "What the fuck did you think you were doing?!" I yell. "Are you trying to get us all killed?" I look at him but he's till avoiding my gaze, not replying either.

"Hey, Jaclyn." Jonah starts but stops when I glance up to him.

"I can't go any further." He softly mutters.

"What was that?" I tighten my grip. "How dare you give up when you still have a chance of making it out alive! Will it be okay for their lives to be in vain?" I point to the bloody scene below us and when his eyes reach it, tears start to form.

"We can't win from such monsters!" He suddenly shouts as his voice echoes through the forest. Taken aback I stare at him.

"Look at you, just like a trampled flower." I let go of his collar and he falls back down. "Tell me, will you die here? Will you become their next meal?" I ask, but get no reply. "Fine then."

I turn around and Jonah looks at me wordlessly as the other two soldiers also do. "Is your gear still working?" I ask them and one nods as the other shakes her head. Then a shot is heard and a green flare stains the blue skies. Hanji has everything set and they're ready to go, so we must return now.

"You can go back on your own powers?" I ask the other male with the broken gear and he nods. "Good. Jonah you keep an eye on him." I then turn to the female soldier. "I'll carry you back." I decide.

Abruptly Jonah walks up to me and pushes me against the tree, keeping his arm against my throat to hold me back. "You'll just leave him behind like that?" He asks in disbelief, anger and confusion.

"What do you think you're doing, Jonah?" I question and he looks rather hopeless than angry now. Honestly, I don't understand his reaction at all. "If he wishes to die here there's nothing I can do."

"Don't be stupid! Of course he doesn't wish to die here!" He argues.

"Haven't you heard him? 'I can't go any further, we can't win.' Isn't that what he said?" I say and grab his arm, pushing him off me. When he opens his mouth to shout again I slam my hand over his mouth, hushing him.

"That's enough."

I look up and see Levi, Petra and Eld sitting above, a few branches away. I pull my hand off Jonah's face and walk up to the woman and pull her up. "Hold me tightly." I say as she sits on my back and I'm the first one to leave the scene and I head back.

Shortly after I arrived I see them also returning, including the blond haired man. Jonah swiftly met my gaze before quickly turning away and talking to Petra and Eld.

Levi walks past me. "I need to talk to you." He says as he keeps on walking and reluctant I follow him till he stops and turns around.

"What? If I'm about to be lectured, I think I'm a little too old for that." I say and he shakes his head.

"I've seen everything from the moment Jonah fired the flare. I don't think you're wrong for what you said, but you never… leave a comrade behind if you can save them. Understood?" He eyes me seriously.

"Why, if someone has given up?" I ask.

This is all an act. I'm not really a soldier; I'm here to kill one of them. However, when given the opportunity to save someone I won't hesitate to do so, even if I risk my own life. I just won't waste my time on someone that has given up while I can spend that time rescuing someone else.

"You can be resolute but your spirit can still be vulnerable. It's all in the heat of the moment, don't let them down when they need it the most."

There, he has a point. I just hope, if I one day wish to die, nobody will come rescue me. Things must've really turned to shit if I would give up like that. "I won't let it happen again." I say as I glance over to Jonah who looks rather disappointed at me.

Levi put his hand against my back and we walk over to them. "He'll come around." He says just before we're in earshot and then walks off to Erwin.

I sit again against a tree as I let my head hang. The three that were saved were the only ones to return from the seventeen people missing. After all we only had little over half an hour to search such a large area. That means so far already 45 people have died and we still have to make it all the way back to the walls. Approximately another twenty soldiers will fall in order to protect the Titan and the supply carts.

"Get ready for return!" Erwin's voice booms through the forest and everybody gets to their horse.

The deafening sound of the humongous gate closing filled the air, along with the whispers of the people who gathered to see Survey Corps returning.

The way back to the walls was a nightmare. Apparently, carrying a Titan surrounded by people attracted a lot more Titans. Countless of them approached and since the cart was slower during the weight, we weren't able to outrun them.

For once the Survey Corps is the victor, but at what cost? In my irrelevant oponion, far too many people died. Dying for the sake of protecting the Titan, or as they would say, in the name of humanity.

I saw faces of horror, grief and disgust as we marched through town, horses carrying the piled up dead bodies, ready to be brought to the families for them to say their goodbyes to the corpses. The majority looking beyond recognition and missing a limb or two.

I walked next to Levi with my horse by my side, trying to numb the words spoken from the sidelines. "Am I paying so much for you people to die!" A man yelled. Instantly my fist bawled up painfully, ready to shut his fucking mouth.

"Bear with it." Levi said looking ahead. "They don't know what they're talking about."

He was right that they didn't, I bet no one encountered a Titan before, that's why they won't even think twice about commenting. Experiencing the many deaths of fellow soldiers first hand had left an impact on me for sure.

Whereas I first didn't, I now started seeing them as individuals with feelings, all with their own beating heart. I looked up to Levi who is enduring it without showing his emotions. He didn't seem affected by any remarks as he carries on silently even though his name was mentioned specifically.

**"Jaclyn!"**

My thoughts shattered to pieces when I heard an all too familiar voice calling out my name. I turned to the right where I saw her rushing out of the crowd, over to me. Anger and hurt was written over her face as she was on the verge of tears, bawling her fists and clenching her jaw tight. Wordlessly she stood before me, her chest rising and falling like mad.

Fuck. How did she find out?

"Go home, April." I demanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In two days I'll be on a four week holiday, I got enough time to write but I don't know how often I’ll have internet access. Therefore I might be late with an update but I think it won’t be too much of a problem!


	12. Heat of the Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few days late since I didn't have any internet at all and I'm in the middle of nowhere right now (-｡-; But, at least a looong chapter! Hope you like it

"Jaclyn!"

My thoughts shatter to pieces when I hear an all too familiar voice call out my name. I look to the right where I see her rushing out of the crowd, over to me.

Anger and hurt is written all over her face as she is on the verge of tears, bawling her fists and clenching her jaw tight. Wordlessly she stood before me, her chest rising and falling like mad as she pants through parted lips.

"Go home, April." I demanded, to her surprise my voice cold and distant as if she were a stranger. I tried to avoid her piercing gaze as I look away, anywhere but into those big green, teary eyes.

I hadn't seen or spoken to them for a few weeks now, all because I wanted them to remain unrelated to me, the job and Levi. In military eyes that is. Even though Levi, Jonah and Eld know about their existence, I hope that it won't reach many more people. It´s already bad enough as it is.

If I somehow were to be caught, nobody would suspect them as accomplices. So I figured it was best, especially with this many eyes on us, that they walk off not drawing too much attention. After all, we are still wanted criminals for crimes the Military Police don't have faces to link to yet, and I plan on keeping it that way.

"Why? I haven't spoken to you for such a long time and you tell me to go home?" She nearly yells at me, raising her fist and swinging it. I caught it mid-air, April's lips quivering as tears now escaped the corners of her eyes, falling to her chin before dropping to the ground. I close my eyes for a second, taking in a deep breath. I´m unable to explain the situation right now, I can't, not here with Levi right beside us.

"Idiot." I breathe out. She´s acting irrational like I've seen her do before, saying things without any forethought. "Now go." I urged her to move the hell away from here. I push her backwards with her fist I was still holding onto. It hurt, talking to her like this while she´s so emotional, but it is for the best. She'll understand once I get the chance to explain.

When she doesn't move but just stares at me, soft sobs escaping her lips, confused to why I wasn't saying anything, I walk past her.

"We've been waiting here ever since we found out you went outside the-" She managed to say, her voice trembling and echoing back and forth to the now silent streets.

"That's enough April." I stop in my tracks upon hearing his voice. I look back and see Kay putting his arm around her shoulder, turning her to the other direction, away from me. His eyes briefly met mine before he guided her away as they disappeared in the crowd once again.

"Sorry." I thought out loud.

As the talking of the people gradually became louder again, I once again failed to ignore it. "What is wrong with her?" I heard someone question behind me. "I don't know. Hey, wasn't she the one that ordered the bodies to be thrown overboard?" - "Ah I see, you're right. She really-"

"Dominic, Cole, shut it." Levi says as we are still walking side by side. "At least she was a soldier capable of making the right decision in a critical moment."

"Y...yes sir!" The men say in unison.

I loosened my bawled fists. I feel something I thought I had long forgotten. I felt tears prickling, dancing at the edges of my eyelids, threatening to fall down. Why... Why now of all times?

"Are you okay?" Jonah questioned.

"Fine." I say as I put my foot on the stirrup, pushing myself off the ground and throwing my other leg over the horse.

"Jaclyn, wait!" I hear Jonah call out but when I turn around I see he's being stopped by Levi. A soft kick in the stomach of the horse was enough for it to take off at full speed. I rushed through the streets, dodging people as I made my way over to the house. If I'm doing this I need to be fast.

When the cobblestone streets switch to grass soil I know I'm near. Within moments the house is in sight.

My house.

This house was all I could afford when I left the underground; it was near falling apart but bought it anyway. Together with April, Kay and Ethan we made a livable home out of it.

I jumped off the horse and tied the bridles to a tree. Walking over to the tree at the back of the house, I kneeled in front of it as I put my hands into the damp earth and started digging, the sand piling up underneath my fingernails as I saw the object now visible. I grab the key and walk over to the back door, it became rusty due the rainfall and wet earth but it will still work. I turned the key twice before the door flew open. I smiled to myself, "And they said it wouldn't be necessary." Old habits never die.

The wooden floor cracks as I step inside, the familiar homey scent reached my nostrils. I close my eyes, inhaling the nostalgic essence deeply before opening them again. "God I missed this place."

Wasting no further time I opened the desk drawer and pulled a pen and paper out of it. I've got little time, so there's no room for excuses. I'll just write all the necessary information so they will understand my actions.

Kay and April,

Sorry I kept quiet these past weeks. I had to join the expedition or otherwise they would become wary of me and start questioning my motives for joining the Survey Corps in the first place. I didn't let you know because I didn't want you to worry. I may have to take part in another one or five before I'll be able to finish the job as it costs a lot of time, but you already know that. When I get the chance I'll contact you guys somehow. Get rid of this after you've read it.

Love, Lyn

As I finish writing the message I fold it and put it on the kitchen counter. I know I have little time but I walk the up the stairs anyways and open the first door on the right.

My room is exactly the way I left it behind; clean and neat, the sheets of the bed still tightly tucked in. I put my hands up in the air I lean back, letting myself fall onto the bed. My body sinks into the soft mattress as dust springs to life in the air, reflecting the sunlight that entered the window like glitters. This maneuver gear sure is uncomfortable to lie down with. I lay here for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling as I let my thoughts wander.

'We've been waiting here ever since we found out you went outside the walls.' I didn't want to worry them, but I think I worsened it by keeping it a secret, and then them finding out themselves. 'At least she is a soldier capable of making the right decision.' Levi's words echo through my brain.

I felt the slightest bit of guilt, giving the order to throw bodies overboard. Because me, a criminal here to kill a member of the Survey Corps doesn't have the right to take the beloved bodies that were supposed to reach the family members. I pinch the bridge of my nose as the events play over and over again like a broken record. "Otherwise there would've been more casualties." I say to myself, and I know it's true. Without that decision more people could've died or all bodies could've been lost.

I don't even know what to believe myself.

But Levi seemed to agree with the decision I made, somehow for some weird reason it made me feel more at ease.

Unfortunately I have to rush back to reality before people start wondering where I went off to. They will walk all the way back to the Survey Corps building, so if I hurry I will make it there before they do.

I walk down the stairs, glancing around over to the kitchen and the living room, memories became vivid in my mind as if it were happening right now. Me sitting at the table, drinking my coffee, April working wonders in the kitchen as she loved baking and Kay loudly coming home with Ethan like they always do. At the moment life seemed difficult, but when I look back now life seemed so simple. After everyone was done for the day and we gathered together, talking, laughing, and sharing stories. No Titans, not on a job somewhere else, but in this ruin of a house we call home. The only place I feel safe with the people whom I trusted my life with.

I walk to the backdoor and go outside, closing the door behind my back and locking it again. I bury the key back underground, this time on yet another spot. I leap on the horse and rush back, hopefully before the rest arrives there.

As I pass through the gate I see the horse-stables are still empty, which means they haven't arrived back yet. Hoping to avoid Jonah's questions I knew sure we're to come, I decide to take a well-deserved nap. Diner will be in less than an hour but I got little appetite.

Sleep is too present on my mind to think about food, even though my stomach feels quite empty. Not even bothering to change, I undid my gear and lay on the bed. Sleep came fast and I was gone within a few minutes.

Yet another few weeks have past and I didn't get the chance to see or speak to April and Kay, even though I promised them I will find a way. Luckily they haven't tried to contact me since that's something I want to avoid. I've been kept busy, training for the second upcoming expedition.

Tonight there will be a 'party' for the Military members. I guess they once in a while even make time for things like this.

What do you think, blue or black?" Petra holds the dresses in front of her as Hanji and I judge.

"Blue."

"Black."

"You guys! This isn't helping!" She groans and throws them back on the bed, staring at them intently while stroking her chin.

"I like the red one the best." I opined.

She lifts it and turns it around a few times. "I can't wear it, it's too revealing for the occasion." She sighs and glances at the dresses again, after trying them both on again plus some encouraging words from me and Hanji she's finally able to make her decision. "Fine I'll go with the black one." She comes to a conclusion after half an hour.

"Then go change already, you got twenty minutes left." I remind them, yawning while put my arms behind head as I stretch my leg out while sitting on a chair.

"You're not going?" Hanji asks as they both seem disappointed.

"I'd rather spend my time asleep than be at some formal party with those Military Police rats around." I say as I get to my feet and walk over to the door, pulling the handle down when Petra fiercely pulls me back again.

"No way. You're going." she concludes. "What dresses do you have."

"None, but that's okay because I'm not going." I say stubbornly but her expression tells me she won't give up easily.

"Then you wear one of mine." She tries persistently with pleading eyes. "Please, there are already so many male soldiers around."

"No way."

"You're really boring Jaclyn." Hanji nearly whines.

"I know." I answer shortly and head for the door to leave the room and two whining ladies behind.

"Just sit on the side with a drink. If you really don't like it you can leave any time." Petra holds my arm and I sigh loudly as I roll my eyes.

I turn to look over my shoulder and her face is lit, full of hope as she broadly smiles and widens her eyes. "I might only stay half an hour then." I say defeated and they high five each other as they pull me forward.

As I walk over to the room his coughs are already audible from a distance, echoing through the hallways along with the sound of my footsteps.

I turn the handle and slowly open the door and step inside, closing it behind my back as my eyes fall onto his lifeless body.

Jonah has had a fever since yesterday and has been lying in bed since then. I've been helping out, bringing him food and such as I know he would not hesitate to do the same for me. I drag a chair from the desk over to the side of his bed as I take place and cover my hand over his forehead; it's still too hot. "How are you feeling?" I ask softly as he slowly breathes through parted lips.

"Would you mind knocking next time?" He says as he slowly opens his eyelids but his gaze remains dazed as he tries to focus on me. "Have been better, but it should be over soon." He manages to put up a smile.

I simper at his positive attitude. "High spirited as always."

He blinks few times before his eyes go wide. "Jaclyn... you look amazing!" He says and sits up straight and glances me up and down.

"Lie down idiot." I whack him on his head as he falls back. "But thank you." I mutter softly.

"Where did you get that dress?" He asks.

"Petra let me borrow it for tonight." I answer and he nods approvingly.

It's a floor length, vibrant red dress with no back and a low cut in front. It has long lace sleeves and the top is tight as the bottom part is looser with a slit at my right side, revealing my leg as I walk.

"Anyway, you should rest. Do you need something?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I'm fine. You just enjoy your evening." He beams and I ruffle his hair before I turn and leave the room, closing the door behind me.

"There you are Jaclyn, where are Hanji and Petra?" I hear Eld say and turn around and see him, Oluo, Gunther and Levi walking up to me.

I shrug. "I think they already left, I was just checking on Jonah." I explain and observe them when they come closer. They look good in their suits, it's quite something different from the Survey Corps uniform.

"You look beautiful." Eld compliments.

"Thank you." I say and do a quick turn as the lightweight fabric spins in the air and falls down to my legs when I stop. "You also look good." I jokingly wink. He mutters a thank you and a pink blush is actually tinting his cheeks.

"Shall we go then?" He says and hooks his arm around mine as the five of us walk to the ballroom.

When Eld opens the door I glance up to a beautiful decorated, spacious room. There's a piano on the stage and its suitable tunes fill the room. People are dressed elegant, standing and sitting with drinks as I actually recognize a few faces when I observe closer.

Instantly the five of them part ways, leaving me all alone in the centre. I sigh as I look around; I knew I shouldn't have come. Where are Petra and Hanji when you need them.

I spot a table full with all sorts of drinks and the wine immediately catches my eye. I make my way over to it and take a glass as I pour myself a generous amount of the red liquid.

When I look around for a seat I see Levi sitting at the edge of the room, sipping from a cup what supposably is tea. Like most of the men around he is dressed in formal wear, his cravat tucked in. As always, a bored and tired expression marks his face but I have to admit the suit works wonders. Aside from his facial expression he looks quite winsome. "Mind if I sit here?" I ask and he glances up to me.

"Go ahead." He says and motions for me to take place. I put the glass down as I sit in silence, enjoying the melodies from the piano's and observing the people before us.

"The suit looks good on you." I say as I glance across the room.

"That dress is not bad either."

"Not bad?" I joke and look over to him, seeing that he is observing me from head to toe.

"You look gorgeous, is what I was saying." He says and looks forward again with a such a serious face I'm not sure if he was sarcastic or not. I also tear my gaze away from him and try to hide the blush tinting my cheeks. I've never had many compliments in this short amount of time ever.

Thirty minutes have past and there has been several speeches by numerous people including Erwin. They were all boring as hell and I take every chance to grab food and drinks when the waiter passes us by.

"You're quite the eater." Levi remarks.

"You're quite the tea drinker." I say and he faintly smiles for the first time this evening.

Now all speeches and formal stuff have past, people gather on the floor to dance to the beautiful sounds that flooded the room.

"You're not dancing?" I ask Levi who rests one leg over his knee.

"With who?" He lifts his brow as if I am asking something stupid.

"Don't tell me you're that oblivious. Girls are staring at you if you haven't noticed yet." I glare to the woman that was trying to catch his attention as he follows my gaze.

He sneers as he looks back at me. "I could say the same to you."

Confused I look up and see a man in his late twenties walking over to me. He has his black hair combed backwards and holds his hand out for me to take. "Would you like to dance?" He kindly asks with smile.

I reach out my hand. "No thank you, but you could get me a drink." I try to smile sweetly and he looks a bit disappointed but takes my glass anyway as he walks over to the to refill it.

"What a way to decline." Levi now has a sincere ear to ear smile and I can't help but smile at the sight myself. I shrug as the man comes back with a refilled glass of red wine and I thank him before he leaves again. I take a sip and notice someone is standing before me again.

With a sigh I look up to a man's whose face is quite intimidating and unlike the other man, he isn't exactly smiling either. Without warning he grabs my hand and pulls me up from my chair in one go.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I spat at him and his grip around my arm tightens. I put the glass on the table and forcibly try to take his hand from my arm.

"What a foul mouthed lady." He smirks. "Just one dance." He doesn't even ask but rather commands.

"Let go creep." I warn but his smile only widens the more I talk.

While holding onto me he starts walking to the dance floor, perplexed and angry I protest. Exactly who does he think he is? When he turns around I lift my hand and hit him with my fist as he immediately lets go of me and I rub the skin he has been holding on to.

If it weren't for me to be in this position, surrounded by military personnel I would've taken him on, but there isn't much more I can do right now. The impact is audible and a few heads turn as people swiftly glance our way but aren't that bothered as they continue to enjoy themselves.

Angered I look up to him but when he whispers to me I bawl my fists. "I've got some information to tell you."

It is the third time someone has come to inform me on the job and each time they had worst timings with Levi right beside me. He now grabs my hand as he starts walking again, without me protesting this time.

"Haven't you heard her?"

I look over my shoulder and see Levi eyeing the man as a dangerous aura radiates from him. I glance between them as the other man remains silent and turns around, ignoring Levi.

"It's okay." I quickly say and weakly smile, but clearly he isn't buying it. "Really." I push and now willingly walk away with the man, leaving Levi behind.

When we stand on the dance floor he wraps his arms around my waist and it leaves a disturbing feeling. I shake it away, immediately getting to business so I can get away from him.

"What is it?" I question as he pulls me closer. I feel dirty as his warm body is pushed against mine and buries his face into my neck, his hot breath making me shudder. I pull away and frown at him as he amusingly keeps staring at me and my fist itches to punch him so I can wipe that stupid smile from his face. "You're here to talk about him, right?" I say and glance over to Levi who is watching us intently from behind his cup.

"We can have some fun first." He whispers. "After all, you look quite inviting." He doesn't bother to hide the fact he is staring at my neck and breasts. One hand slides down to my ass as he shamelessly grabs it and the other tries to find a way to my legs through the slit of the dress.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't even care what consequences I'll have to face, but I'm going to beat the hell out of him right here and now. He already crossed the line the instant he pulled me from my seat.

Abruptly his hands are pulled away and replaced by much gentler ones. I open my eyes and face Levi. The man is lying on the ground behind him, wiping his bloodied mouth.

"Are you okay?" He asks while directly looking me into the eyes as if trying to detect a lie.

"Fine." I mumble embarrassed and avert my eyes.

Completely dazed off I only realize after a while that we are moving to the music in sync as if we're on automatic. I don't have to think as he leads me over the dance floor and I rest my hands around his neck.

"The you I know, would've kicked him into the ground hours ago." He glances past me and I smile at his comment.

He is absolutely right, but that man had information to tell me. Most likely important matters. When I look around he seems to have disappeared. I'll just have to wait until he or hopefully someone else will come and inform me on whatever he had to tell me.

"I think the alcohol has kicked in by now." I say as a excuse.

As the song ends we walk back to our seats and I finish my drink in one big gulp. I've been here longer than expected, around one hour now and I'm ready to head back to bed. Enough socialized and drinks for the night.

"I think I've had enough." I say to Levi who seems just as bored.

"I'll take you to your room." He offers and the look on his face tells me he will bring me no matter what, so I just nod and grab his hand as we walk through the crowd of dancing people.

It's a relieve once I get out of the hot room. There's a cool breeze on the hallways that bring my temperature slightly down. We walk through the empty and silent hallways, the ticking of our footsteps the only sounds around.

"Are you also going to your room?" I ask him as he walks beside me.

"I'll have to finish some reports." He says and I snort.

"You have the energy left for that?" I ask and he shrugs. "Mind if I join for a bit?"

"As long as you don't mess up the place." He says and turns the corner as I follow him. He grabs a key and unlocks the door as he lets me enter first.

"This is very... neat." I say as I stand in the centre of the room. Everything is ordered and put in the right place. I swipe my finger across the desk, there's not a single trace of dust as I look closely to my fingertip. He walks past me and takes place at the desk as he immediately gets to work, grabbing papers from a large pile and starts writing, putting some scrabbles here and there. I put my palms against the desk and jump as I now sit on it. I notice him looking up from the corner of my eye and parting his lips, but whatever he had to say he swallowed the words.

I glance over the pile he just took some papers off and I see my name written on one, I don't hesitate to get my hands on it as I read what it's about.

"Sitting on my desk also counts as messing up the place." He comments but I ignore him.

"What's this?" I ask as I confused hold the sheet in front of me.

"Can't you tell by looking at it?" He puts his pen down and sits back in his chair.

Stats: Jaclyn Rosenthal 49/60 - 81%

Battle skill: 11/10 Teamwork: 2/10 Initiative: 10/10 Mobility: 10/10 Strategy: 6/10 Leadership: 10/10

"Why is there a two with teamwork? Who filled this in? How is an eleven possible out of ten? What do you mean six for strategy? What is this based on?" I bombard him with questions as he pushes away from the desk and stands up, covering my mouth with his hand.

"You're noisy." He says as I pull his hand away. "Didn't I tell you to not sit on my desk?" He asks as he stands before me, unwavering looking into my eyes.

"I think you did." I smirk, giving him a 'what are you going to do about it' look.

His hands lock behind my lower back. "Do I have to." He suddenly pulls me forward, to the edge of the desk as he stands between my legs and leans closer. "Drag you off?" A amusing smile crosses his face.

I put my arms around his neck and lean forward so that my mouth is against the shell of his ear. "I wouldn't mind if you do." I whisper and I see goosebumps form on his skin. I notice his scent as I nuzzle in his neck. To my surprise he doesn't back away and actually feel his grip tightening.

Slightly I move backwards to look at him as his eyes are now locked onto mine. He lifts my chin and then tucks away a strand of hair behind my ear as his hand trails along my neck, causing me to shiver.

"You should probably get to your room."

"Will you still be bringing me?" I ask.

He nods and backs away to create some space as I slide from the desk to the ground. When I land on my feet I feel slightly dizzy and put my palms against his chest to support me.

"Had a drink too much?" He looks amused but more concerned as he puts his arm around my waist and opens the door, locking it behind our back.

We walk a few minutes along the corridors until we reach my room, Levi opens the door for me as I enter.

One glance at the bed is enough for me to remind me how tired I am and Immediately I fall onto the mattress. I rest my arm over my eyes as the dizziness is decreasing while laying down.

I kick the shoes off and I feel the bed lowering as Levi sits on the edge. "Are you sure you're fine?" He asks worried.

"Nothing I can't handle." I say as I stand up again. "Would you mind?" I ask, motioning to the buttons of the dress at the back after a failed attempted to reach them. His slender fingers work from top to bottom as if he's been doing it for a living. In no time he reaches the last one and the dress falls down to the ground.

"Thank you." I mumble as I turn around and brush past him to open the drawer. Quickly I change into pyjama shorts and shirt.

Levi already stands at the threshold as he looks at me with an expression I haven't seen from him before.

I can notice a tension between us, a positive one. When he licks his lips wet and glares at me I feel a hot electrifying feeling racing to the pit of my stomach. I am craving to feel those lips, but only after tonight I realise that much.

I also know it can't work between us and that I shouldn't make a move.

Within two steps I stand before him and lean forward. My lips faintly brush his cheek. "Thank you for tonight." I whisper and turn around.

I'm ready to walk away but I'm stopped when Levi grabs my arm. He spins me around and before I even wrap my head around what's happening, his slightly wet lips are pressed against mine.

I tightly grip his blouse as I bawl a fist and pull him behind with me until I feel the desk. I let go of him and hold it at the edges as his hands hold the desk at my sides, closing me in.

I look into his eyes and I'm sure just like mine, desire is visible in them.

He leans forward again as he holds me close, running his tongue slightly over my lips before delving inside as I eagerly let him in. His hot breath fans across my skin and his hands caress my sides as I have one arm hanging over his shoulder and the other holding his cheek.

He softly bites lip and then goes over to my ear, lowering to my neck as his tongue slides over my skin, I turn to the side, providing him with more access. I let out a soft unintentionally moan and that instant he stops and backs away to look at me as he smirks. A blush crosses my cheek but I lift my chin, daring him to comment.

"I like that sound." He roughly whispers and I'm sure the colour intensifies.

I start to unbutton his shirt and he lifts me up with his hands under my legs, walking over to the bed. He gently lays me down as he climbs on top, one leg between mine as he's on his knees.

He pulls one leg upwards and he strokes it as he returns to my lips.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask between heated, wet kisses in. After all, he's still seen as my superior and I know he realises it damn well.

"You're what I want." He whispers in a low voice and my heart skips a beat as he starts sucking the skin at my neck.

"Why all of a sudden?" I ask knowing I might ruin the moment, but I'm too curious to care right now.

He hovers over me as he stares into my eyes. It takes a moment before he answers as he slowly strokes my leg like I'm something to be treasured.

"When I saw that man touching you." He starts and then lowers so that his lips are slightly touching mine while talking. "I realised I wanted to be that person." He says and swallows hard.

I smirk at his explanation and grab his hand, moving it over to my legs.

"Unlike that man." I give him a sloppy kiss before continuing. "You're free to touch me wherever you like."

I feel him stiffen while I spoke the words and he lowers his body. This time I'm the one to nibble at his skin.

As I lift my leg I feel that he's hard between his and he flinches at the touch. "Oh?" I grin.

"Tease." He says as his hand slowly slides to the inside of my leg and I shiver at his touch. Our lips touch and tongues intertwine as if battling for dominance and neither of us give up.

I open my eyes and take in the situation I'm in and at the same time Levi parts his. We stop all movements for a moment and just look at each other. We both pant and looking at him like this, the frown not visible on his face and looking at me with such burning lust in his eyes.

"You're my superior." I say and await his respond. He doesn't seem like the type to obey the rules but I've never caught him disobeying.

"And?"

"You shouldn't be doing this to your subordinate." I tease as I slowly open his blouse further and then completely pull it off of him. He lifts my T-shirt and his warm hand slides over my stomach as I slightly arch my back at the touch.

"Do you want me to stop?" He says as his tongue runs over my collarbone and closes his lips around it, sucking at the sensitive spot. "You don't care about titles, or am I wrong?" He leans back to look at me.

"Shut up." I say as I pull him onto me.

My body freezes when someone loudly bangs on the door.

"Jaclyn?" Jonah calls out my name.

"Fuck." I breath out. Why does he have such horrible timing. Levi just glares at me and I shift away from underneath him. I ruffle my hair in a useless attempt to make it seem less wild.

I open the door and Jonah stands at the other side, slightly looking better then before. "How are you feeling?" I ask as I lean against the door frame. I feel his forehead and his temperature seemingly has decreased.

A blush crosses his face and he swiftly glances down. I follow his gaze and then realise I'm standing in a shirt and underwear only. I haven't even felt Levi taking it off.

"Well?" I ask and cross my arms, ignoring the fact how I'm dressed.

"Almost back to normal." He smiles as his eyes are glued onto mine, trying not to look down. "I'm actually here to ask if you know where Levi is, Eld was looking for him but he's also not in his office."

I lift my brow. "Why would I know that?" I ask and he shrugs. "Maybe he is taking a long shit." I say and he chuckles at my comment.

"Sorry if I woke you, I'll tell Eld you also don't know."

"It's okay, I wasn't sleeping yet."

Jonah goes away and when he walks around the corner I close the door behind me. I turn around and immediately I'm pushed against the door as Levi presses his warm body against mine.

"You should probably head back, people are looking for you." I say.

"Is that so?" His hand slides to my inner thigh and he slowly goes up. I let my head fall back and close my eyes but grab his wrist, stopping him in his movements.

"Now go." I say as I plant a soft kiss on his lips and open the door for him as he walks out.

"Don't oversleep tomorrow." He warns but lacks its usual sharp tone. "Or I'll have to come and wake you up." He looks over his shoulder and grins.

"I just might oversleep on purpose." I joke and when he's out of sight I shut the door.

I let myself fall on the bed and let out a sigh. I nuzzle my face into the pillow as I grip it tightly. When the silence closes in on me I realise I miss his burning touch, the feeling of his fingertips still linger on my body.

I groan loudly as I turn and lie on my back. What am I even thinking. In the heat of the moment I forgot about everything but Levi. I can't do this, I'll only make things more complicated for myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update on Monday but it'll depend if I'll have internet at the time...


	13. A New Team Member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh... I know I'm so slow with uploading these days but it's only temporarily because I'm on holidays! Chapter needs some editing later on.

"You wanted to say something?" He crosses his arms as he slightly turns his head.

I thought the words over and carefully pick them before I speak, trying to be somewhat convincing. "About what happened the other night, I don't-"

"I like you, Jaclyn." He interrupts me, taking a step forward as I walk backwards until I bump against a tree. He slams his hand against it, next to my face as he leans in. "Do you regret it?" He asks with a frown as if he'd be disappointed.

I can't help but stare at those lips that remind me of yesterday night. Those lips that closed around mine and left bite marks on my skin. I can remember his touch and warm body as if he is reaching out for me right now. I swallow hard as I look up to his eyes. "I don't... that's not it." I say as I look down and curse myself. Really? I have trouble speaking right now?

Levi lifts my chin as my eyes are still glued onto the ground. "Look at me." He demands. I slowly open them and directly look into his. Slowly he comes closer as he hold my face in place and I wait in anticipation for what's next.

I know I should move, I can't send him away, say no, just to kiss him again.

But I don't force myself to move as his lips slightly touch mine. His soft ones are pressed against mine and I feel a shiver run up my spine. Our tongues meet halfway as they twirl around each other. I yearn for more, it's as if my senses come to life whenever he touches me.

He suddenly breaks the kiss and wipe my mouth with my thumb. This isn't exactly what I had planned.

"Do you regret it this time?" He asks and I realise where he was going with that kiss.

I grab his hand from my hip and hold it in front of me with both hands. "You're an exceptional kisser, I'll give you that- but like I said, I can't. I'm sorry." I let him go and start to walk away towards the grass field where the others are sitting.

When I turn around to look over my shoulder, he leans against the tree with his arms crossed, a smirk marking his face. I stop and turn around. "What?"

He pushes himself away from the tree, walking as he stops next to me. "Clearly you're lying, but I respect your choice either way." He says and walks in front.

I sigh as I smile. I'm sure I wasn't that convincing. I don't know if I wanted him to believe me anyway.

When I sit on the ground next to Jonah and Gunther I see Levi walking into the building.

"There are the newly graduated trainees." Jonah points to the little crowd and I look at the line of people standing there. I'm sitting with the squad, Jonah and Hanji outside at the front of the building. It's already late afternoon and we are enjoying this rare day off.

I don't really pay attention to the people standing there but a vivid, ginger hair color stands out. "That can't be…" I squint my eyes, trying to get the image clearer and when the person I dreaded it to be, turns around, I am sure. "Don't tell me, she… joined?" I asked out loud to myself, my eyes going wide. Suddenly her eyes lock onto mine as if she knew I would be right here. A broad smile covers her face and she's happily waving to me.

"You know her?" Eld asks and I hesitantly nod.

The group saluted and then everyone went into a different direction as she runs up to us. I stand up, fists already bawled and trying to contain my anger. "What the hell are you doing here!?" I ask her, smile slowly fading and she slows her pace before coming to a halt before me.

"I… eh I…" She fumbles her fingers as she looks to her feet. When she forcefully lifts her gaze to face me she speaks the sentence fast as if she just accidentally spilled a secret. "I joined the Survey Corps." Now again avoiding my piercing glare.

"No." I said and she immediately looks up again.

"But Jaclyn I can-"

"I said no." I don't let her finish whatever she had to say.

She frowns at me and throws her hands over each other, breathing in deeply. "You can't stop me." She looks directly into my eyes but I see that her face was tense and hesitant to my respond.

"April Lyn Smith." Her name is being called out and I turn around, seeing Levi standing at the entrance of the building with a paper in his hand.

"Yes!" She says and raises her hand.

"Come with me." Levi calls as his frame disappears into the dark inside.

"What the meaning of this?" I ask and grab her arm. "Why are you here?"

She shakes me off. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" She says and runs off inside before I am able to say another word.

I sit back onto the ground. Why the hell is April here, how is that even possible? It should take a year for her to complete the training, it's impossible they would let her in.

"Who's that?" Oluo then asks and I turn my head to him. Everyone looks in absolute confusion and I join them. I too, have no idea what is going on,

Why the hell she is here and why Levi would ask her to follow him.

"A friend." I answer, remembering being asked a question. I stand up and walking towards the building.

"Where are you going" Jonah asked.

"To find her."

X

April

"Thank you Erwin!" I say gratefully and close the door behind me.

Levi walks before, flipping pages as he glanced over the notebook he's holding. "Let's see, you will be assigned to my squad, but only for this one upcoming expedition, from then on you'll be in a different squad." He says and glances over his shoulder.

I stop in my tracks. "Yes, about that…" I start tentatively as he turns around completely.

"What is it?" He asks and when I stare into his eyes there is this strange thing going on again, just like back then in the woods.

"Assign me to an other squad, please." I ask for the favour.

He seems confused as he squints his eyes. "I thought putting you two together is what you both would've wanted?"

"I'm certain it's what she wants." I lift my eyes to lock them with his again. "I just don't want to be a burden to her. If I will be placed into the same group as Jaclyn it will be the death of her." I state bluntly. "She will only be focused on keeping me save, that's not the issue but I can't let it happen that she gets killed in the process of doing so." I unconsciously hold my breath while awaiting his answer that takes too long for my liking. "Please, Levi. I know you probably don't care but I just want both of us to survive!" I nearly plead when he didn't answer.

He turns around again and walks forward. "Fine, but if she doesn't agree herself, I will put you both in my squad. It's the best I can offer you."

X

She slams her hands onto the table at which Levi is seated. "It's the least you can do, weren't you the one that had told me to rethink it all!" She says and he remains silent, swiftly glancing over to me as I swallow tightly.

I didn't have any intention of dragging Levi into this, but so far he has been playing along, as if he was the one that made the choice of putting us separate. What she'll do once she finds out… I don't think I want to know.

"Jaclyn It's fine I-" The words die on my lips once her furious expression is directed towards me, it's a reminder of how scary she can be at times.

She then walks out of the room without another word. "I'll go talk to her!" I say to Levi, remembering that if I don't convince her, he won't agree with my request. I hurry past the empty hallways in search of her. "She can be so stubborn." I murmur.

When I run past an open door I do a few steps back to take a glance inside. I see her sitting by the window, staring outside. She throws her knife in the air, catching it and repeating the ritual like she does when she's stressed. Suddenly she turns her head when she noticed my figure and stopped her movements, jamming the knife into the wooden table.

"It's fine, I'll manage." I enter the small room and start my nearly impossible mission of convincing her.

"Why do you want to do this?" She asks and squints her eyes at me suspiciously. "You know, it won't help with the job. So why do it?" When I don't have an immediate answer she continues. "Do you even realize? It's like a suicide mission, soldiers dropped like flies, I saw it for myself."

"Isn't this why I became stronger, I also want to fight alongside you!" I try.

"Then at least fight beside me!" I see that she already has enough trouble accepting that. "If we're in the same squad I can protec-"

"No Jaclyn." I interrupt her before inhaling deeply. "I might not be fighting with you but I won't be alone, no matter what squad they'll put me in. I want to do this, I also want to be around you more."

Not impressed by my words she stands up and walks over to me. "This way you might never see me again." She says calmly.

I look down to my feet and bawl my fists painfully. "Don't say such a thing!" I yell. I can feel the tears coming to the surface, gathering and ready to pour down. "Didn't you tell me I need to make mistakes in order to learn?" I slowly look up to her and she grabs my shoulders as she eyes me.

"Throwing your live away like this won't be a lesson!" She nearly yells back but she's restraining herself from doing so. "If that's really what's behind it, wanting to fight alongside me and spending more time together. Isn't it better to have something certain rather than taking a risk for more?" Her voice lowers and her expression also softens.

Right… I can wait for her to return and everything will be back to normal, but her making it alive from the missions is one obstacle. Second thing is, if she does complete the job, will nobody find out? Won't she be discovered and thrown in jail, or worse, executed? I open my mouth again but it feels like my voice has died. When I do speak, my voice is soft and croaked. "Please Jaclyn, trust me enough… trust my strength enough for me to join."

I am joining either way but it will ease my mind, knowing she only has to watch her own back out there. I just want her to believe in me and my capability. That's something that matters a lot to me as someone who has been looking up to her like a sister. A moment of silence passes and I glance up to her dubious face. I notice a swift movement and I peer over her shoulder to Levi who is standing in the threshold, leaning against the door while he has his arms crossed. How long has he been standing there?

"You're honestly bothersome." She slams the palm of her hand against her forehead. "You will be training with me every day until the expedition date, I don't care if Levi agrees or not, it's that or I won't agree."

"Really?" I say exited and look past her to Levi who nods a single time as a small smile forms on his lips. He gracefully turns on his heel and within one movement he disappears around the corner again. Jaclyn follows my gaze and I yell. "Fine!" Trying to get her attention away from the now empty hallway. "Thank you!" I beam at her and hug her tightly. She rolls her eyes at me and groans in annoyance, but despite that, she is smiling. The faintest of smiles, but it is sincere.

"We don't have time to waste, training starts right now." She pushes me out of the room and we head outside again.

"You're kidding, right?" I ask but somewhere I know that, unfortunately she isn't.

"Did you say something?" She pulls her brow up.

I press my lips into a straight line. "I said fine." I fake smile but then burst out in a real laugh.

"That's what I thought." She says and I notice the boy we saw in the woods.

"Isn't that him from last time?" I ask as I point towards him.

"Jonah." She calls him and immediately he turns around. "You got some spare time?"

X

Jaclyn

"Really Jaclyn?" They say in unison and look at each other surprised before their gaze is directed to me again.

"What? Can't handle a bit of an audience?" I say as I let myself fall to the ground, leaning against a tree.

Hanji, Mike, Levi and the squad are here, sitting outside since the weather is perfect during the evening hours. A pleasant warm breeze and the sun close to the horizon.

I figured that since they both can use some training, I'll make it a bit more fun and put a little pressure on the both of them. The fact that they frown and stand before each other with their arms crossed brings a smile to my face.

"Go!" I yell and before Jonah even processed the words he lays on the ground, completely dazzled by how fast he went down.

"April." I say and she knows what I mean, she reaches out and pulls Jonah back to his feet.

"Just why do I have to fight against a spy?" She says irritated and looks over to me.

"I told you already I wasn't spying!" He tries to defend himself. I then noticed Levi walking outside, also joining the rest.

I chuckle at their pointless dialogue.

"The purpose of this is to improve your skills, now go!" I say and this time Jonah is somewhat prepared as April missed her first blow.

Now I see what Jonah meant by saying that her movements reminded her of me, they are actually very much alike. Usually it was her battling me so I wouldn't notice it, but seeing it from a distance I realize he is right.

They both manage to stand upright for a good minute, now it's time to give them instructions. "Jonah stop avoiding her attacks, block them and avoid a follow up from her." I say and he immediately did like I instructed, improving on the spot.

"April, make more efficient and direct moves; go for the vital points only." I observed their flaws and again, Jonah is the fallen one.

She grabs his arm and pulls him up, directly standing back into fighting position. "Again?" Jonah asks, slightly panting.

"Till you win." April smirks as she motions with her fingers towards herself, daring for him to make the first move.

"Exactly something Jaclyn would say." He smiles. "Fine then, till I win." He says more confident and determined.

They go for round three. April's movements are close to perfection and Jonah went down yet another time. "You're improving already." I try to encourage him.

"Yet I still won't win." He says but the determination is still present in his voice. He stands up again with his arms lifted. I can see April is starting to get tired too but she stands, ready to strike while her eyes never left Jonah. She never loses focus and is just as determined to win every time. She has surprised me with how much she has improved in the time I wasn't there to train with her. The mistakes she used to make were barely noticeable and it makes me feel more at ease, the slightest bit, but it is something.

"This time listen to me closely. Again!" And off they go, this time I'll advise Jonah to his victory, but still he is the one that has to pull it off.

"Use your surroundings!" He quickly glances around and knows what I mean. He jumps backwards, out of April's sight behind a tree and turns again, launching his fist at her face. April is startled but regains her composure quickly. "Don't give her time to recover!" He takes a step forward and launches his fists, one after another and now it is April that has to block his attacks.

"Good. Next time she blocks, use your legs." It's like you can see his brains work while he moves around, highly focused on his and April's movements while he tries to take in the advice. He goes straight for her face and April stops it by crossing her arms in front of her face. She knows what's next but is in a powerless position to do anything about it. Jonah swept her off her feet by kicking her ankles and she fell backwards.

The frown disappeared from his face as he looked over to me with a broad smile. "Ah! I finally won!" He celebrates his little personal victory.

"Good job Jonah!" Hanji and Petra cheer in unison.

I lock eyes with Jonah and glance over to April who is still lying on the ground. Just like she had done with him, he pulls her to her feet. He scratches the back of his head and then slightly bows it. "Thank you for practicing with me." He says gratefully.

She throws her arms over each other and looks away, closing her eyes. She then opens one to look at him. "You're a worthy candidate to battle with." She grins and gives him a friendly punch to his shoulder.

With a smile on my face I watch them. I sit with my legs pulled up and my arms leaning over my knees.

"Impressive." A little surprised I look to the right and see Levi sitting by my side. "You're a good trainer."

"Scaring me like that again?" I breathe out and slap his leg. "And I wouldn't call myself a trainer."

"Then what would you call that?" He asks with his brow pulled up.

"Simply advising a friend." I say and he sarcastically nods.

I'm honestly very happy he didn't talk about what happened yesterday night, or about the kiss this morning, or me getting angry at him this afternoon. I huff as I shake my head unnoticeably. He treats me, the situation like nothing has happened and it makes things easier for me too.

"Jaclyn!" April yells and u tear my gaze away from Levi as I let my thoughts rest for now.

"Your turn!" Jonah adds.

"My turn for what?" I ask confused but as soon as I see her grin I know what she is getting at. "No." Is my answer and I stand up, walking towards the others.

"Your turn to battle of course!" She dares to say and the amusement is present in her voice. The little brat is trying to get back at me. She runs and stands beside me, leaning her arm onto my shoulder. "Let see… fight Hanji?" She peers up to me. How did she already know her name?

Hanji laughs and holds her hands in front of her. "I'll pass!"

"Or… perhaps Eld?" She says smug and I shot her a warning glare, she must remember him from the encounter in the woods.

"I think we haven't properly finished our last fight." I look over my shoulder to see Levi standing with his arms crossed. "Right, Jaclyn?"


	14. Ross

 

"I think we haven't properly finished our last fight." I look over my shoulder to see Levi standing with his arms crossed. "Right, Jaclyn?"

"I'm good." I try again. When I turn around, away from him I realize all eyes are on us now.

"If you're really trying to… win. Then at least you got to try. Beat me." He taunts and at that I spin around.

The little crowd confusingly whispers to what he is talking about. Only Jonah, Levi and I know what he is referring to. I haven't even told April or Kay what lie I told Levi; wanting to take over his title as humanity's strongest.

"Is this you getting back at me?" I wonder. "Well if you insist, I guess it can't be helped." I shrug.

"You're doing it?!" April asks thrilled, clapping her hands cheerfully as Jonah joins her at the sidelines along with the rest.

I might as well use this opportunity to test his real strength but he won't go all out just like that. I'll have to challenge and drag it out of him.

Without warning he takes the first step forward and launches his fist at me. I'm ready to dodge but he stops mid-air and greets me with a kick as I stumble backwards.

He's not taking this fight lightly, playing tricks on me already. When I look up there is no Levi to be found. I slightly turn my head and see his figure behind me from the corner of my eye.

He kicks my leg and I fall forward to the ground. Quickly I roll over and reach out, grabbing his arm and using my weight to throw him over me. He slams with his back onto the earth and I use that moment to get back to my feet. As expected he recovered within an instant and is already standing, going straight after me again.

We continuously evade each others attacks, fists, kicks and neither of us is hitting one another. Instead of blocking  
I decide to wrap my hand around his fist that came at full force. A stinging pain spreads through my palm and made it all the way to my arm as I shake as I try to keep him at place.

"That hurt." I point out. We're both out of breath, panting as drops of sweat are slowly building up under the heat of the evening sun.

"You want me to apologize? Need a kiss to soothe the pain?" He mocks and I pull my brow.

"Please don't, that would be embarrassing." I retort. "After all, what's a fight without pain."

I push him back, letting go of his fist as my breathing is steady again.

I run to him and when he does a step towards me I stop my movements and lean to the right as his leg just misses my face. "Too close." I sigh of relieve when his boot doesn't hit me. I throw a punch and to his surprise I actually hit him in the face. My knuckles first touch his soft skin before I collide with his facial bones underneath.

He only stumbles a few steps backwards before he goes forth again. I gasp and before I am able to react he punches me in the stomach from underneath. All air is knocked out of my lungs and I choke on the last bit of air that still filled them. A different kind of pain spreads like wildfire through my upper body.

_"Captain!"_

_"Jaclyn!"_

I fall to the ground on my hands and knees as I cough up splatters of blood. Fluid is seeping from the corner of my mouth. I wipe it with the back of my hand as I slowly try to force myself up.

Asudden Levi's hand is in front of me and when I look up I realize he's offering to help me up. I slap his hand away as I unsteadily get to my feet.

"Don't act as if it's over. I'm not done yet." I say as he looks at me stunned.

I hear chatter and when I glance over to the side I see people eyeing me worried, especially Jonah.

April is sitting on the ground with her arms crossed and lips tightly pressed as she doesn't let out a sound. I grin at her and she nods for me to continue with determination in her eyes. That little silent encouragement is all I need to keep on going.

"That's enough, you should let someone check you up." He says as he frowns at the blood.

I wipe the blood at the corner of my mouth away as I look at my red thumb. "Oh this? Don't worry about that, I've endured worse."

When I think back at it, this is truly nothing. I got stabbed, shot and beaten way harsher and survived all that. This is a battle between a superior and their subordinate, we are the ones who decide how far we can take this.

He doesn't give a reply as his frown increases. If I hate one thing it is pity. "Ha? Still not convinced?"

I slowly reach behind my back and pull a knife. I hear people gasp and Jonah disconcertingly calls my name. Since Levi also pulled a knife on me the first time, I don't hesitate to do the same, even though many more people are watching this time.

"Now you'll have to fight me." I challenge while spinning the knife.

He reaches behind his back and also reveals a knife, size similar to mine. "You're a tough one." He smiles pleased and accepts the fight.

I don't know how far I can- or should go, but I now know for sure he won't be holding back and neither will I.

I come at him first and our knifes hit each other. He swings it from up to down just across my face as he takes a strand of hair along. When the sharp tip reaches my blouse, the fabric tears apart and I glance down to my chest.

"My bad." He smirks.

"You can't convince me that you didn't do that on purpose." I huff.

When our knifes collide, the silver steel against steel, a piercing sound is audible, making me cringe. He pushes with all his strength as his arm muscles flex and eventually I have to let it go as it flies out of my hand. Immediately I grab his wrist and push it upwards, causing him to open his hand and let go.

I throw my fist towards him and at the same time I see his coming straight for me. I feel the impact of the blow to my face. I lose balance as I fall to the ground and even though it hurts, I'm more disappointed at the fact I lost. I lay with my arms spread, my chest rising and falling as I take in short breaths through parted lips.

Faintly in the background I hear April's voice above all and when I open my eyes her face hoovers overhead me. She's behind me on her knees. "You did it!" She smiles broadly.

I sit up straight and when my eyes fall on Levi, I see he's sitting with crossed legs, wiping the blood with a tissue that's running down his nose.

"You two hit each other and both fell at the same time." She pulls me up and I slightly wince at the pain in my stomach.

"That's means it's a tie, idiot." I say and ruffle her hair.

Her smile fades and within a split second returns. "A tie means you didn't lose... Therefore you both won."

I laugh and shake my head. "If you put it like that..."

When I glance over to Levi the edges of his lips turn upwards and he nods a single time. I return the smile and walk together with April and him to the rest. They all talk about the little match just now as April has a discussion with Jonah like they've know each other forever. But that's April's charm, she's friends with everyone within almost an instant.

I let them be and walk inside the building, heading to my room to change my now torn blouse.

I sigh loudly as I put my arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling while I walk through the ever-so eerily silent hallways of the Survey Corps Headquarters. When I hear a second pair of footsteps echo through the halls I come to an immediate halt. I listen attentively and when I hear nothing but my own breathing I'm about to curse myself for being so cautious. But I sense someone behind me and I turn around, grabbing the persons arm, turning it and sweeping the person off its feet.

I got hold of my knife and point it at the covered face in front of me. The lights are dim and whoever it is, wears a cloak as the head is covered by a hoodie. I slowly pull it away and when my eyes recognize his face, they widen with shock before I frown angrily.

"You shouldn't be here." I spat.

One of the higher ups from the military police.

The man who offered the job.

The one that wants Levi dead.

Zack Ross.

He lays underneath me while I have my knife pointed to his face.

He glances down to my chest and I then remember it is the reason I am walking here in the first place.

"Is that an invitation?" He stupidly grins.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, pervert." I say and get climb off him, crossing my arms as I watch him standing up.

What is he doing here at a time like this? Is he stupid? If anyone finds out he's here right now, when he's not supposed to be, they'll become suspicious- if not figure something out. Not that I care about him and his relations with the Survey Corps whatsoever but he's here to talk to me. That can only mean trouble for someone like myself.

"What do you want?" I hiss.

He only smirks.

"Zack Ross. I know who you are."

"I see." His grin then turns into a smile. "You did your research."

I was about to throw in a sarcastic remark but I remind myself who he is and what power and importance he holds. Zack Ross, a respected man. The Ross family, well known and very much liked by the public. The fact that he is showing his face to me feels like a silent threat on its own.

I'm fully aware and informed about what he wants to do to Levi, the fact that I know, and that it isn't a threat to him makes me uneasy. To him I'm just a girl that lived in the underground, a highly doubted persona.

"Why are you here?" I try to ask while keeping the annoyance out of my voice.

"Just to make sure you're doing your job right." He says and dusts his cloak clean.

"And how am I doing so far?" I ask as I raise my brow up.

"Not bad." He says while nodding. "Quite daring, raising your knife against Levi while everyone is watching."

"You were keeping an eye on me?" I frown at him.

"Now, back to business." He starts but I interrupt him. Annoyed by how he so weakly plans things, people can run into us any moment and he wants to discuss Levi's assassination here like its daily routine.

"Right here?" I ask while my eyes scan the still empty halls.

"We had never planned for you to join the expeditions but I realize if you declined they would become wary of you." He ignores everything I said and starts explaining instead.

"I figured."

"Just make sure you make it alive from the upcoming expedition and then we'll finish things quickly. It has taken long enough already now hasn't it?"

"That's the plan." I say irritated. "And yes, it has been one and a half year already."

Suddenly he grabs my blouse, pulling me towards him as he leans down, bringing his face closer to mine. "Seems as if Levi has grown close to you, is that true?" His question catches me off guard and I decide not to answer. "He beat up one of my men for you, I've been told."

"Only because your men just like yourself are perverted creeps." I say and it feels as if I'm defending Levi.

"I know this probably isn't necessary but I think reassurance is never a bad thing." He starts and I'm confused to what he means.

"Jaclyn!" I hear April's voice call out at the end of the hall. "Why did you leave like that, I just-" She stops talking and the sound of her footsteps slowly die off. "Jaclyn?" Her voice is now soft.

I push him off me and turn around, her fists are bawled beside her and I see Jonah behind her running towards us. I give her a single nod. Her expression turns from confused to angry to and then shock as she realizes who the man is that stands before me. We only saw a picture once but even she remembers this man. Sensibly not questioning anything she turns on her heel.

"Come on Jonah." I hear her say. "Jaclyn is a busy." He asks a few questions but follows her outside again.

"Reassurance?" I start, hoping he will continue where we were interrupted and disappears as soon as he appeared.

"If you disobey my orders..." He leans in again and whispers. "I'll kill both that runt and... what is his name again? Oh, Kay Andreasen, isn't it?"

I clench my jaw painfully. I've never once, not even in my dangerously, criminal life have someone threaten to kill my friends that bluntly. "I warn you, don't make me put an end to your life right now." I say calmly as my hand trembles with anger.

"Ah, violent as expected. Don't get me wrong Jaclyn, only if you disobey my orders." He broadly smiles without a care in the world. "I promise."

"Don't play with me." I do a step forward as he wisely walks back. "I don't care if I disobey your orders or not, hurt them and I'll make your blood go cold." I hold my knife against his neck and slide it up to his chin, then pull it back.

His smile fades as his face now turns serious for the first time. "As a bonus, I'll kill your little brother Dominic first." His eyes widen. "I did my research indeed, Zack."

Lines of distress form on his face. "I don't care about my brother like you care about your little friends." He says, but the way his voice sounds, hesitant and loud; I know he is lying.

"This conversation took an ugly turn." I walk past him. "Let's just hope we both stick to our 'promises'." I walk and hear the fabric of his cloak move.

"I think you'll have trouble keeping that runt of yours alive. Now you're not in the same squad, she just might get eaten." I could hear the smug tone in his voice. I stop walking and stare down. No. He's just fucking with my mind and feelings. I shake my head and force myself to put one foot after another. He's just taking advantage of my insecurity about April. She will be fine. It will be fine.

April's POV

"... Might get eaten." I hear the last words of Zack's voice before he walks away and disappears. Jaclyn stands with her back to me, frozen at his words and I see she has her fists bawled.

"What was he suddenly doing here?" I ask as I walk over to her. Startled she quickly turns around. Unexpectedly she pulls me into a tight hug but I don't protest. "Did he hurt you?" I ask softly.

"What a stupid thing to ask." She says, her voice muffled as she's resting her head onto mine. "Did you hear anything of our conversation?"

"I didn't." I reply and try to pull away but she's still holding onto me tightly. "Are you okay?" I ask since she never acts this affectionate.

"I just love you." She says, catching me by surprise. The words sound foreign coming from her mouth. I pull away and she eyes me confused. "Can't I say I love my friend?"

I turn my head away as my cheeks are getting hot. "That's not it." I mumble.

She chuckles as she's pinches my red hued cheek. "You're blushing." She point out teasingly and I push her hand away.

"It's just that I've heard you said it only two times before, and that was quite some time ago." She frowns as I continue. "Remember when I was badly beaten up by those scum in the underground, when I came home your face turned pale with worry. That day was the first time you said it." I mutter the words embarrassed as I recall the memory.

"But you know it, right?" She holds my shoulders as I look at her now serious expression. "Even though I said it a while ago, you know I love and care about you at all times, right?"

"I do, I do!" I try to cheer her up. "I'm just surprised to hear something like that from your mouth." I now tease.

"Brat." She says and I put my fake angry face on.

"Not a brat." I say. She steps froward and grabs my head, putting her knuckles onto it. "No! Don't! Jaclyn don't!" I yell and manage to get away from her as I laugh and run.

Suddenly I bump against someone and when I look up I see it's Levi. "Sorry captain." I apologize as he helps me up.

"If you're energetic enough to play around I guess you're fine." His gaze is directed towards Jaclyn.

"Didn't I tell you so." She says as she walks closer.

"Still I need to check you." He insists.

"Fine with me. Otherwise meet me in my room." Jaclyn says and it looks like she regrets saying that last sentence.

Levi smirks and turns around wordlessly.

"Come on April." She grabs my collar and drags me along to wherever her room is.

It's almost exactly the same room I've been sleeping in, but then occupied by three people and beds. "How come you got your own room!" I say and glance around jealous. It's so spacious compared to mine.

"It's because I'm an official member of Levi's squad." She winks.

I jump on her bed as she pulls out a fresh pile of clothes. She pats her trousers and blouse in an attempt to make it appear more clean, but all she does is smudge the earth and grass stains. She groans and starts to undress.

When she just put one foot out of her trousers the door abruptly opens and Levi stands in the threshold. I try my best to not laugh out loud as Jaclyn abruptly stands right up. "Care to knock when you enter my room." She says slightly irritated.

"It's not like I haven't seen you like that before." Levi says casual before stepping inside, closing the door behind him.

"Aaaah?" I say out loud and my eyes widen. Exactly what does he mean? I notice Jaclyn swiftly looking at me and see her cheeks turning slightly pink before turning her back to us. She quickly changes into a clean clothes and turns around when she's done.

Levi did the usual checkup and she appears fine. He was just worried about the blood she spat up. Sore muscles should be the worst pain tomorrow, nothing serious.

As soon as Levi exits the room again I turn to her. "Explain." I say and she knows exactly what I'm referring to.

"Nothing." She says as she let herself fall on the bed. "Shouldn't you go to bed, it's like nine already."

I'm about to say something as she tries to provoke a reaction out of me, but the words never leave my lips. "Don't think I'll fall for that, changing the subject. Come on Jaclyn, tell me!"

"I've got nothing to say you damned brat." She says irritated and closes her eyes as she lets herself sink into the mattress.

No other way to force an answer out of her but to get at the point directly. I crawl on the bed next her and lean in so that I'm whispering in her ear. "You like him, don't you?"

Immediately her eyes shoot open with a denying and innocent look but I see right through that, and she knows it.

"Don't talk bullshit."

"Then what did he mean by that? He saw you half naked? Did you guys-" I say, the rest of the sentence muffled by her hand covering my mouth.

"Don't be so loud!"

"So that means you did!" I say full of disbelief. "When, how?"

"I didn't do anything idiot. Now shut up." She says and pulls my head down on the pillow next to her.

"Ah please, don't be so stubborn. You can share some things with me, you know!" I plead for an answer but she remains resolute, letting no secret leave her lips.

"Oh well it doesn't matter. I think I have an idea of what might have happened." After all she's acting suspicious. I don't know what they've done, but there's something, I can tell.

"Think all you want." She sighs.

"Maybe Levi can share a secret." I mumble loudly enough for her to hear.

She sits up straight on the bed. "If you value your life." She starts and locks me between her legs. "You won't say or ask anyone anything." She continues and starts tickling me.

I let out an uncontrollable laughter, kicking and throwing my hands everywhere to get her off me, but there's no way I could win. "Stop it, alright, alright!" I yell through ragged breaths and choked laughs.

"Alright what?"

"Alright I won't tell or ask anyone!" I scream high pitched and she instantly stopped. With a broad smile on my face I try to catch my breath as she climbs off and a small smile forms on her lips as well.

"I'll bring you to your room." She offers and puts on her shoes. I nod and walk over to the door as she opens it and locks it again behind our backs.

We walk outside under the dark cloudy sky. I sigh as I look up, unfortunately there are no stars or moon to be seen tonight. We walk together to the other building that's just across of hers.

"Jaclyn." I start and wait for her to respond. She hums and looks over to me. "Remember that time we were watching the stars with Kay and-"

"You fell of the roof and Kay followed when he tried to grab you." She smiles as she recalls the memory. "How could I forget that night."

"I miss those times." I say crestfallen.

I'm happy I'm here right now with Jaclyn, together again after a while, but it's not the same without Kay, Ethan and our own place. Somewhere deep down I wish she never took on this job, we could make it work somehow like we've always done. To me it's not worth it to be apart for such a long time, and the risk of her doing this is too great, I believe.

"You're worrying about me, aren't you?" Jaclyn asks as she glances over to me, nudging my shoulder. "Your face is easy to read."

"I am." I confess. "But I trust you. I trust that everything will work out." I say and let out a sigh.

We reach the other building and Jaclyn walks up to my room. When I open the door I see that the other two are already lying in bed. Liv and Nola, my two roommates. From the moment I joined the trainee corps up until now we're together here at the Survey Corps. We get along well, they're brave girls for joining the Survey Corps, and they think of me so too, however they don't know my reason for joining.

I quickly introduce them and I see Jaclyn is making an effort to act nice since they're my roommates. Even though it's not needed, I'm grateful she's wanting to do that for me.

"Now go to bed kids." She swiftly ruffles my hair and walks away again.

"Goodnight." I say and she looks over her shoulder to me as she faintly smiles.

I watch her until she reaches the end of the hall and walks outside into the dark night.


	15. Get To Know Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! ^^

Dominic Ross. 

I've been observing him from the moment I knew he was related to Zack, and that has been quite a while. Unlike his older brother who seems foolish and the type of person to misuse his position, Dominic is calm and thinks before he acts. 

I haven't seen him on the expedition, only during training and dinner. He is still young, 24 right now; the same age as me. He's tall, not that muscular and has chocolate brown hair. He doesn't appear cocky either but seems rather kind.

I've also noticed that while I would stare at him sometimes, our gazes meet and he would offer me a smile that I so far never returned. Every time it happened his lips would turn upwards and he even greeted me once. 

I finally finished the tedious cleaning tasks Levi ordered me to do. Here I am again as I sit in the cool shade that the tree creates, observing Dominic. Bored, I pluck grass and flowers around me. 

"Do you like him?" Jonah asks who sits with his back against the other side of the tree, facing the sun. 

I huff. "What makes you think that?" 

"I've noticed him looking at you, shortly after I saw you were returning his gaze." Jonah says and I sigh. 

"Honestly, I'm spending too much time with you." 

"Yes you are Jaclyn, why is he always around?" I hear April whine who sits next to him on the other side. 

"Stop sounding like a five year old." I retort and hear Jonah chuckle as April probably punched him because the laughter suddenly died off. 

The three of us have been training and spending our spare time together. Besides them and the squad there is no one else I communicate with, even though there are so many people around. It's like I see new faces walk by every day. Sometimes people will start a conversation but it turns out boring and it's always about small talk which I cannot stand. 

"But he's cute Jaclyn, go talk to him." April says to my surprise seriously. I wait a moment for her to burst out laughing but it remains silent. "Or is he not your type?" 

"You're serious?" Jonah asks dubious and I can hear April's slap from the other side. 

"What, jealous that Jaclyn doesn't look at you that way?" 

"That's not what I meant!" 

"Guys, I'm not looking at anyone in any particular way." I smile as I shake my head. It's been even more fun since April has joined. I silently enjoy their idiotic conversations and stop them when it gets too heated. "However, it won't hurt to go talk to him." 

"You're going to do it?" Jonah asks confused. 

I look up to Dominic sitting there, surrounded by four other boys of approximately the same age. When our eyes meet and he smiles I decide to walk up to him. 

"She's going to do it!" April cheers excited, full of expectation. 

When I'm close to them Dominic looks up and smiles again. "Hey." He says as all the others turn their heads to me. 

"Mind if I join?" I ask as they shake their heads immediately, Dominic motioning for me to sit down. 

"I'm Jaclyn." I introduce myself when I take place next to Dominic. 

"We know." One of them replies. 

"You do? Why, have I met you before?" I ask and think intently but I don't recognize any of their faces and nobody seems familiar to me. 

"You're the one that defeated Levi's squad all by yourself - I heard you surprised everyone during dinner with a speech for love of titans - didn't you fight with Levi last week and pulled a knife on him - you were the one that wore the red dress and punched a guy." They ask and tell one by one and I'm confused to why they know all of this. 

"Yes, that's all me. I see that I'm well known for my stupid actions." I laugh. 

"You sound like a frightening lady." Dominic jokes. 

"I'm actually very gentle." I say. 

When I try my best I can be. However, it doesn't come natural as you all must know by now. 

"You always walk with this Jonah kid, right?" I nod as another boy continues. "Why? He is weak and you are so strong." 

From the moment I heard him say weak I already reached out and threw my knife into the soil between his fingers. "Ha? Who are you calling weak?" I ask and he shrieks away, letting out a yell as he observes his unharmed hand closer. "Don’t talk about Jonah kid if you don’t him." I say slightly annoyed. 

The rest of the boys laugh as his face flashes hot red with embarrassment. "No wonder guys are afraid to approach you, let alone ask you out." He says and I laugh. So there are boys that want to ask me out? How ridiculous. 

"Anyway." I interrupt their laughter. "Reason I came here was to talk to Dominic." I hint for privacy as they all understood. 

"I haven’t even told my name yet." Dominic says when the rest is out of earshot while they walk away.

"You knew my name before I mentioned it too, didn't you?" I say and he shrugs, followed by a nod. 

"You wanted to talk?" 

"Nothing much. Just get to know you better." I say as I lie down in the grass. He remains seated next to me and glances down. 

"You're honestly mysterious. Nobody around here knows you. You only talk to your squad and Jonah who is walking with you at all times. Yet, everybody knows you even though they never met you before. You don't even throw the people around you a single glance, you look right through them." A bit taken aback and confused as to why he is saying this I keep on listening, letting him talk further. 

"You're exceptionally strong but are never present at group training's. Within two weeks you are assigned to Levi's squad and allowed to join the first expedition as a newly recruit. You seem kind of antisocial yet you can be very charming because a lot of people are interested in you. It's like you don't care about anything and yet-" 

"Hold up." I cover my hand over his mouth, interrupting him. "It sounds like you know me better than I do myself." I let out a chuckle. "I guess I do stand out after all…" 

Somehow, even with the intention of not attracting attention I still succeed in doing so. I really need to stay on the background more, but even by missing group training's and talking to nobody but ten people around me, I’m still being noticed.  
He scratches the back of his head. "I'm sorry." He laughs. "I also wanted to get to know you better so I´m surprised you came talk to me first." 

"So then tell me about yourself, and not your name, age or whatever. What are you ambitions, why did you join the Survey Corps? Tell me what your family is like." I ask the first two randomly but hope to get a clear answer from the last question. I want to know where his and Zack's relationship is. Are they close, how does he think of him?

He lies next to me as he starts talking. "Asking complicated questions, I like that. Let's see, I joined the Survey Corps because I admire them and their bravery, in short. I have an older brother who has a fair position within the Military Police and since he is doing well there, I decided to join here three years ago." He explains and I listen closely, focused on any information about Zack. 

"I have a small family, a mother, father and like I mentioned before a 2 year older brother. We are like any other ordinary flawed family I would say but the public sees us differently." 

"The public?" I ask as if I don't know his surname and importance.

"It's nothing." He quickly brushes it off as something irrelevant. "And my ambitions... one thing I want to achieve is equality within the walls." 

"And exactly what do you mean by that?" I ask as he caught my attention but I’m disappointed that he never let out much about Zack just now. 

"I just hate how everyone lives next to each other based on the money they make." He answers.

"That's just how it is." I sigh. 

"That's another reason I wanted to get to know you, you've lived in the underground before right?" He asks carefully.

I sit up straight and puzzled look at him. "What about it?" 

He thinks a moment before he speaks. "I wish for all the people down there to live above and make it a place for emergencies only like it was supposed to be." He explains as his eyes lit up with determination. "Because I know those problems exist in these small walls that are currently our whole world. If I have the ability to do something about it, I'll be happy." 

I chuckle at his thoughts. "You're naive, but that's kind of sweet." 

"So please tell me what it is like. Do you have any thoughts on how to change the situation?" He asks and sounds desperate for the answer that will solve everything in a heartbeat.  
"Living there is a life draining battle to survive that won't end until the day you die, to put it shortly." I say. 

"Changing the situation is out of question. You should realize that." 

"But-" 

"The Military Police that can change things won’t do it. If it was a problem for them then it won’t exist in the first place, don’t you think?" I ask as he has trouble finding the right words. "All their personnel live a carefree life within wall Sina, away from Titans and the dark reality that lies beneath. Nobody cares because they'll never come in contact with that reality of ours. Trust me; I've lived there long enough to realize that much." 

"Together with my brother I'll figure something out!" He remains resolute and I think he didn’t heard what I just said. Well it doesn’t matter either way, I’ll just let him be. 

"So your brother is a good man." I say as he continuously nods. 

"Yeah. We are brothers and best friends." He finally lets out the slightest bit of information. Best friends… That means Zack won’t take my threat lightly. Now I’m sure I have something I can use against him. If he touches my friends, I’ll take it out on Dominic, but I rather not do that in the first place since Dominic seems so pure and oblivious. Not what I expect from someone who has been within the Survey Corps for over three years. 

Unexpectedly something is thrown to my face, darkening my vision. "What the hell?" I say annoyed as I pull a piece of clothing from my face. 

"Who said you could take time off?" Levi stands in front of me with his arms crossed as he pulls his brow up. 

"Captain Levi." Dominic stands up and salutes for him. 

Levi keeps looking at me while he talks to Dominic. "Team leader Ness is looking for you." 

"Right, I'll report to him immediately!" He says and runs off, then swiftly turns around. "We'll continue our conversation later Jaclyn!" 

I smile and wave him off. "Did you have to interrupt us?" I ask irritated as I stand up and dust my pants clean. 

"Come with me." He says, ignoring me as I without protest follow him inside the building. 

On automatic pilot I stare at the ground and follow Levi's footsteps through the building, my mind wandering to Dominic. He seems like an honest person. I'm positive he has nothing to do with Zack's schemes but I can't be too sure. Is there a chance he might know what his brother is planning, that he’s up to no good? 

When Levi stops in his tracks, I notice a second to late and bump to his back. "Still thinking about that boy?" He asks as he unlocks the door of his office. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask. 

"Nothing in particular. I just haven't seen you talking to anybody but Jonah unless you had to." He had noticed. 

"You seem awfully aware of who I talk to." I say. A hint of concern in the back of my mind. I wonder, does Levi even know who Zack is? Are Levi and Zack knowingly enemies of each other? If so, does he know Dominic is his brother? I sigh loudly at my thoughts, so many question barge into my head all at once I can't think clearly. I'm almost sure Levi and Dominic don't know but just thinking about the possibility makes me uncomfortable and self-conscious. 

I then realize I've been holding onto the blouse he threw at my face. I hold it in front of me as I recognize it's mine, the one Levi had cut during our fight. 

"I fixed and washed it." He says. I lower it again to see that he already took place at his desk. 

"Thanks." I mutter. "You shouldn't have." 

He motions for me to take place beside him, I grab a chair and drag it over. I sit down as my eyes fall on a familiar sheet. 

"You remember this?" He asks as I nod. "This was based upon your final trainee exam where you ended top of class." 

Stats: Jaclyn Rosenthal 49/60 - 81% 

Battle skill: 11/10  
Teamwork: 2/10  
Initiative: 10/10  
Mobility: 10/10  
Strategy: 6/10  
Leadership: 10/10

"This is your score." He point to the 81% on the top right of the paper. "One of the highest among us, if you don't count the two for teamwork that is. The scores are highly accurate and also decide the chance of survival for the expeditions." I nod through all he explains me and I wonder where he is going with this. 

"Take a look at April's." He grabs another sheet from his desk and lays it parallel next to mine. 

Stats: April Lyn Smith 40/60 - 66%

Battle skill: 8/10  
Teamwork: 5/10  
Initiative: 9/10  
Mobility: 8/10  
Strategy: 5/10  
Leadership: 5/10

I observe her statistics closely and compare them to mine. "Should I be worried?" I ask fretful. 

"The most important things are battle skill and mobility which are above average, but the fact that both leadership and teamwork are a low grade could be a problem." 

"But I also have a two with teamwork." I point out. 

"And a ten for leadership. Either you should make a decision or cooperate with someone else's, if you can't do both that will be an issue." He reasons. 

He is right about that.

"How was April able to join the Survey Corps in such a short time?" I realize now that I still have no clue. Perhaps Levi has an idea. 

"You have the first and second selection; because she was an outstanding trainee she joined the second instead of her first one and got here in no time, that’s what the report says." 

So she joined the people that were in my year and immediately went for the graduation test. Exactly what I expect from her. 

"Anyway." Levi drags me out of my thoughts again. "I wanted to give this to you, hand it over to April for me and talk it through with her." He hands me the paper and tucks mine away again. 

"Thank you Levi." I say and look up to him. I fold the paper, tucking it away safely. Quickly I lean over and peck a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t expect my sudden move and glances up to me. "You really helped me with this." I smile at him. Within a second I make my way out of the office, leaving no time for him to comment.  
I close the door behind me I rest against it, swallowing hard. I didn't even know why I did that, but I wanted him to know how much I appreciate it.

But here he is, doing me a favor again. Until now he has been offering me a hand, helping me, saving me. It really annoys me, because right now I'm in a dept. I can't stand it that Levi acts nice to me, he only complicates things and doesn't even realize it. But then again, I'm not making things easier for myself by giving him a friendly kiss on his cheek. 

I owe him big time and yet... I will be the one to... I shake my head, and with that all thoughts away. 

........

Dinner has passed and everyone went back to their rooms. April had to sneak to my room since she doesn't belong in this building. I had talked the points with her through and she understands the importance of the situation. She will have to train harder and obey whoever will give her orders during the expedition. There's no space for hesitation or pride. 

"I can do it." She says as confident as possible in order to make me more at ease, but I can't help but worry. The fact that Levi on his own initiative reached out to me so he could talk it through is on one hand is reassuring, but at the same time it does bother me. 

"Jaclyn?" She says when I didn't respond.

"I know you can. He said your battle skill is already above average." I reassure her. 

I glance over to the clock that hangs above my door. It's already past ten and I caught myself yawning as I'm getting tired. "I'll bring you to your room." I say as I get up from the desk chair. 

"Jaclyn." April starts and I stop tying my shoes. When I look at her she continues. "Would you mind if I sleep here tonight?" 

"Why all of a sudden?" I ask concerned. 

"It's just that... the expedition is in two days and..."

"Of course you can." I interrupt her, it’s not like I need an explanation. I already sensed her nervousness as the days pass by, the expedition date nearing. 

I untie my shoes again and throw her a pair of pajamas as I change into my own. When I switched the lights off she crawls next to me in bed and I rest my arm around her waist. "Are you afraid?" I ask, my voice soft as I bury my face in her hair. 

"I'm afraid to die." She whispers, her voice mingling with the whistle like sound from the gushing wind outside. I stare at the window as the moonlight creates shadows of the trees inside my room. Autumn is nearing as leaves fall from their branches, leaving the landscape looking gloomy. 

I sigh as I plant a kiss on her head. "You're strong aren't you? I believe in you April." 

"Really?" She turns around and faces me. "If you believe in me I can do anything." She snuggles under the blankets against my chest. I stroke her head as I embrace her. "The wind is soothing, makes me sleep better." She mumbles. 

"As long as the weather will be calm in two days." I respond but she's already on the brink of drifting away. Her breathing becomes soft and slower as she almost within an instant falls asleep in my arms. I smile at the sight of her amusing, hideous face where drool drips from the corner of her mouth. 

"Brat." I smirk and wipe her mouth clean. 

I hold her tightly as I have trouble falling asleep. Two days from now the expedition starts. It has only been a month since the last hellish expedition. I try to act fearless and brave for her sake, but I myself am probably more anxious than she is. The thought of losing her on the battle field is something I can't bear. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache. I am not afraid to die, but I am petrified of the idea of her losing her. 

But she's here, safe and sound, alive and well in my arms. 

It will be over in forty eight hours, and from there on Zack will give me the order to finish things, and that will be it. I'm trying to think cool and lightly about Levi's death but my heart tells me it is wrong, my brain rejects the idea of being the one to end his life. 

'If you disobey my orders I'll kill them both.' Zack's words do have some impact on me. If I simply could stop everything right here and now I'm sure I would. Unfortunately it's not that simple. If I do disobey his orders Kay and April will be in danger along with my own life, and I value theirs more than anything I could ever imagine. 

I sigh as I reach for the pill that lies on my nightstand. I pop it and soon after I'll also drift into a good night sleep I so desperately need. 

.......... 

Every day I train with them. Or actually they train with each other. Jonah is clearly improving with his hand to hand combat as April continues to work hard on bettering her maneuver gear skills. I got a key from Levi and permission to enter the stock room so we could use the gear even after training hours. I push April to her limits but she never complains. On my request Levi trained twice with April, teaching her the fine art of moving effortlessly in the air. 

It has been days since my encounter with Zack and I explained in detail what happened to Kay. 

"You told him what?!" Kay shouts. 

We sit in the woods, behind the fence of the Survey Corps terrain. 

"I meant it though." I shrug.

"I don't care Jaclyn, kill him if you want but you don't go around telling people like _him_ you'll murder them, and his brother!" 

"I bet he will think twice before stepping foot to you now." I lay down with my hands behind my head. 

I see Kay rubbing his face and looking to me. "You need to be more careful." 

"So do you. April is with me but I can't watch your back. Just promise me you-" 

"I know." He interrupts. 

"I'm serious, if you notice anything or he dares to come up to you, I need to know. Immediately." I say stern.

"I can handle it on my own. Besides, it will be too late for you to do anything about it." He retorts. 

"I'll do what I promised him. Killing him and his brother." I say lightly.

If Zack feels the need to try me he should go ahead, I won't hesitate. "I think he or someone sent by him will come to you and threaten you. Obviously it didn't work on me so they might turn to you or April." 

"Where is she anyways?" Kay asks, dodging the issue. 

"She spent the night in my room since she’s fearful of the expedition." I explain. "She overslept this morning so I let her get some more rest." 

"Yeah don't worry about it, I'll see you two after the expedition." He says confident. The smile fades from my face as I'm reminded that this is the last time I'll see Kay before the expedition.  
It's two days from now and having April there with me makes me a hundred times more anxious. 

"She will survive." Kay says and leans over, I let him pull me into his lap as I lay on the ground, my head resting on his thighs. 

"She has to." I breathe out and I look up to Kay's reassuring smile as he plays with my hair that relaxes my mind. I look up to the light clouded blue sky. The sun wrapping its heat around my skin and I hum in pleasure. They said after this week the real autumn weather will start so I take every chance to take in the last rays of sunlight.

Kay leans down and presses his lips to my forehead, planting a soft kiss. "Don't do anything reckless." 

I can't imagine how hard it must be for him, being the only one left behind, waiting for our return. I wouldn't, no I couldn't sit here and wait for them within the walls while they're facing the danger out there. Even though I know it's hard for him, he tries his best to hide it, but I've known him for a long time. The way he looks at me, the kiss on my forehead, it's like he's preparing for the worst case; both of us not returning. 

"I'll try." I reply at last. "I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit of a mess because I wanted to highlight some parts before the expedition chapter. Next chapter will be better, I promise.


	16. Grief and sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics I used in this chapter are from Taylor Swift - Safe and Sound. If you don't know it, give it a try, to me it really sets the mood for when the time comes in this chapter.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

I silently wished to never be part of the battlefield again, but the outstretched nature that lies before me is something I enjoy to an extent that tricks me into thinking there is no such thing as immediate danger. But appearances can be deceiving, since shortly after the tranquility, serenity and beauty, blood will flow, or so I learned last time. All in all it is like a little gift before most of us will be devoured by titans as something that is unfortunate bound to happen.

This morning I convinced myself and by acting like it, also April that all will be fine.

But deep down, in the core of my beating heart I'm scared shitless. I'm sure now time has passed and we're in the forest, it is written all over my face. I don't bother keeping up my tight mask of confidence, I only did so for her sake to begin with. I can't simply think myself out of awful thoughts, even if I do manage, it's only for a slight moment before they drift back and sit there uncomfortably, bugging me like a ghost.

I plump down on the broad tree branch as I throw my head backwards, closing my eyes as I let out a shaky breath.

"Can't keep up?" Levi turned around to head back as he now stood, unlike me, with a steady breath in front of me.

"Tell me if I'm wrong, but have you gotten even faster?"

"It is you that has slowed down." He pulls his brow up as I return the questioning look.

Searching for a deviant type titan suddenly seems like an impossible task, which is odd since I encountered at least three last month. My desperation to return back to the walls and end this as soon as possible has me wishing for an aberrant. I never knew I would be wishing to encounter a titan, but then again I never knew I would be outside the walls one day, acting as a (somewhat falsely) productive member of the Survey Corps.

Since I'm doing a believable job and somehow manage to fit in, not really, I've relaxed into my position of being a member of Levi's squad and the Survey Corps. I can act like myself. Well, more like me, around Levi and the rest. After all this time I spent with them, greeting them every morning and eating together, I feel at place. This is unusual since I've never felt like I belonged anywhere.

The underground was my playground, I know it like the back of my hand. Based on the crimes I committed and the life I lead, it all fitted perfectly in the picture of the underground criminal. Even though my actions reflected my surroundings and I knew how to handle, deal and blend into the society, it is the place I always hold memories of that nowadays my nightmares are about. I fitted in, but can I call that my home?

Living within wall Rose is something different from the dim underworld, where I could blend in the dark, here out in the open I stood out. I quickly came to realize you can't act the way you do down there. I was confused that people cautiously watched me like I was going to slit their throats with the knife I held. Yes, people around learned about the place I came from, the place that won't be named yet exists in these very fucking walls. Employers denied me work, would withdraw their already signed contracts or fire me if they found out too late. With a fuck you I would leave and again, somehow find myself practice the jobs I've been doing down there. From this respect, sadly nothing had changed.

I wanted a clean break, I've been longing for one, but how is that possible when you're shunned from the society you live in.

For once I truly do feel at place. I get to act like myself and not have the people around me judging. They take me as I am, they let me be, accept my behavior and sometimes foul language. I can hold meaningful conversations, laugh with or mostly at them and they are fairly good people to be around.

"Can we take a break?" I ask Levi as moments of silence past since I was too caught up in my whirling thoughts.

"If you promise me you will speed up afterwards." He also sits down, crossed legged and loosely in his position.

I let out a sigh that carries my overwhelming heavy feelings of doubt and concern about April. I've literally been counting birds just to not think about if she's alright or injured, maybe killed or eaten by a Titan - here I go again. I need to keep my thoughts at bay or the chances that I'll die of a heart attack will be greater than chances of being killed by a Titan.

"I'm worried sick." I blurt out as Levi stops staring into a random direction and looks at me.

"If you can do something about it, it is useless to worry. If you can't do anything about it, it is useless to worry." He says with such a straight face before looking to the right again.

"Simply said. Now if it were that easy..." I let the sentenced unfinished as I lean my head onto my palm and copy Levi's position.

I'm talking to keep me from thinking about her but it won't help if I'm talking about her. "What is your biggest regret in life?" I ask him randomly, hoping to ask a question that might take a minute or few to answer.

"I don't have any." He answers as he slowly turns to look at me again.

"You never told me about your family." I inquire random issues we've never discussed. I've realized how little I truly know about Levi. It is not like we had a lot of time alone, or rather time to talk about such things. The moment had just never been there, and I know it is mutual. He knows next to nothing about me, he never asked and I never told, that counts for both ways. I am curious, so I want to know, but right now it is mainly to keep myself busy.

"You never questioned." He grabs a cloth and starts wiping his already spotless, shiny sword. "What is your family like?" He never answers mine and returns it instead.

"A smart calm guy and immature, noisy girl is what my family consists of." I answer as he slightly smiles.

"When is your birthday?" I take my turn to question him again.

He huffs as he shakes his head. "You go from deep to private and complex to a simple question when my birthday is." He says as rather a question. "December 25th." He then adds.

"December." I repeat. "In less than three months." I think out loud. Will Zack give me the order before that time? Will I have to end this man's life before his birthday will roll by? Will I even be able to, considering I have no desire to harm him?

"What are you thinking about?" He asks as I focus my eyes while I already looked towards him. I fumble my fingers, but not in a nervous way.

"That you're not that bad." I tilt my head to the side.

He huffs and I give him a questioning look. "You're bad at complimenting."

"You're no hero at it either." I retort. "But I do like you." I confess with no provoking hint for him to say something back. Because it is sincere, he's alright, or maybe more than alright.

The fact that he doesn't respond or made a snarky remark back like I had expected, with a smirk plastered on his face, has him succeeding in making me feel embarrassed. "Just forget what I said." I mumble as I hang my head down and avert my eyes.

"I won't be able to forget that." He says as his voice is low and deep. He stands up and dusts his pants, the same moment a green flare is shot and my heart makes a leap of relieve. I open my mouth, about to say something but Levi reacts faster. "They've got one, let's go."

Together we head back and like I had promised, this time I am able to keep up with him. I also realized the past minutes I didn't worry my brains out about April, and that is quite something.

Before we stepped foot outside the walls I had thought of a way to let each other know what is going on. A green flare followed by a black one means that she and her squad are in trouble, and I would go meet to her as fast as capably possible. Black followed by green means she is alright and on her way back which should be right now, she promised me to fire the signal that only the two of us know the message behind.

I lean against a tree, observing Erwin, Mike and Levi talking across of me. It's been over half an hour since the Titan has been captured and I returned. Still, there's no sign of April and Jonah. My stomach turns into a knot as I get nauseous of the idea and feeling that something is off, feels wrong as if something has happened.

If something did happen, she would've fired the black and green smoke round and since I have no confirmation of her whereabouts or well-being, I force myself to stay put as calmly as possible

"Everyone regroup; get ready to return to the walls!"

It is as if my heart stops the moment I hear Erwin speak up, a second later my heart starts beating so fast up to the point I'm nervous about my own well-being.

"Wait!" I yell, silencing the soldiers as Erwin too, glances over to me. "Not everyone has returned yet." I say hesitant and softer. I walk towards Erwin who still stands with Mike and Levi.

"Can we wai-?" I ask of Erwin but stop the moment I notice the look on his face. An expression that says we won't wait, that there's nothing we can do.

His answer isn't what I want to hear, I reject the idea of accepting a no. "We successfully captured the Titan, if we wait any longer we might have more casualties." I keep staring at him and he knows that his explanation doesn't satisfy me. "If someone is missing we should presume they're dead." Erwin's hard, cold words are like a stab in the heart and leave me breathless.

I stare at the ground, the thought that April might be alive and that I will be leaving her on Titan territory, where she surely won't survive alone, is beyond unthinkable.

I push the five head taller man against the tree. "Presume they're dead?" I repeat angry. "There isn't a recovery team? Last time we had to look for survivors, why not now?" I nearly shout as I look him in the eyes, his unwavering and indifferent to the point that I doubt he even heard me.

But that is a commander for you. I know that he is making hard decisions, abandoning others in order to save the greater number.

I faintly hear Levi warningly call my name but it is only an echo in the back of my mind that isn't enough to draw my attention entirely.

"There is no time." He simply states.

Knowing that my actions and words are futile and that I won't accomplish anything with my stubbornness right now, I decide to walk away.

"I'll go look for them." I turn and start walking, not knowing what particular direction I should be going. Levi suddenly grabs my arm as he spins me around.

"If you go now it will be the death of you." He frowns and his expression wanders somewhere between worry and anger as more wrinkles started to form on his face.

"So what?!" I say with a hint of desperation audible. His eyes go wide for less than a second that I'd almost second guess myself for seeing it, a second later a scowl marks his face. His grip loosens and I shake him off.

I couldn't live with myself if I let her die to fate, which wouldn't be escapable. I'd rather die than leave at this point.

Levi abruptly turns me around and I'm about to shout, but he hooks his foot behind mine and pins me to the ground. With him on top of me I fall back with a gasp as he now hovers above me while I eye him from underneath, his hands holding my wrists above my head. "I have the responsibility for your life." He starts as he looks enraged as well.

"And I take responsibility for her life!" I shout, becoming more desperate with each passing second of no signal from her. "You have lost your friends on the battlefield too, right? Can't you imagine how I feel?" I ask. Thinking about the story he once told me that unexpectedly reaches the surface again.

"That's right." He says as he lets go of my hands and I rub both wrists from his surprisingly firm grip. "However, what you want or feel right not isn't important, you should know that much. This is the battlefield, how harsh it may seem, the lives of those soldiers over there." He looks behind him to the others getting ready for departure. "Are not worth the risk of saving the life of five, whom we don´t know are alive or not."

It feels like he is scolding me for doing so, for putting April above all the people with us. However I never saw it that way, I just want her beside me, safe, it has nothing to do with the other soldiers.

He climbs off me and reaches out his hand, hesitantly I grab it as he pulls me up in one go. He is right, all of what he has said, I know he has a valid point. Even though I know that much, it's not enough to keep me from moving.

He lets out a sigh as he glances back to where the soldiers have already climbed their horses. When his eyes lock with mine again I sense the tension between us, thick and present. Impatiently I'm waiting while tapping my feet, fidgeting my finger and nervously biting my lip.

When Levi turns his back to me and slowly walks away, it feels like my last hope is distancing itself from me. I reach out my hand to him but bawl it midair and bring it to my chest as I stare down at my feet.

"Just be quick and watch your gas. Find April." He says and continues walking. "And don't you dare die on me Jaclyn."

It takes me a second to realize he just granted me permission to go search for her. Not that I otherwise wouldn't do it, but he probably will create some time for me so I can return with them. I just need to be quick.

I run and jump in the air, launching my gear as I race through the woods. I'm not heading to any particular direction, just looking for any sign of humans. I have lost my sense of direction and my movements are slightly off. I hear my heartbeat drum in my ears as I see no sign of life.

Abruptly a green smoke round is launched, followed by a black one that overpowers the other colour. No doubt in my mind that it's April who had shot those. The black smoke swallows the vivid green until there's nothing left of it, it is like a cloud of death and I'm growing more nervous the closer I get. I'm afraid of what I'll find once I get to her.

"Please be okay." I repeatedly whisper to myself as I dodge the trees, flying at full speed through the forest.

I near the area where the signal had been shot, the smoke faded but remains still linger around, drifted apart by the wind. Suddenly I hear a scream, filled with pain and horror.

"April?!" I recognize her voice and yell while searching the grounds.

"Jaclyn!" I hear her scream again. Frantically my eyes swift from left to right as I search the ground for her. I squint my eyes when I see something that looks out of place with the nature surroundings. My eyes go wide when I realize it is April who sits against a tree, almost invisible, her cape working as a camouflage that blends in with the green landscape.

I shoot my cables into the trees as I make my way over to April, landing on the ground in front of her as I run the last steps.

I kneel on the earthy soil that's covered in autumn leaves. I lift her chin to observe her face. "Are you okay?" I ask, voice thick with emotion. I search her body for any signs of injury but as far as I can see there is nothing out of place.

"April?" I take her face in my hands as I kneel before her. "Are you injured?" I ask slowly as a lump is building up in my throat.

Her expression varies between relief and pain, she smiles weakly but directly after pulls her face into a frown as she chokes on her words. "I'm sorry."

I want to ask for what but before I'm able to open my mouth she pulls the green cape off of her.

I gasp as my eyes widen, I stare in disbelief and denial to her wounds. Her stomach is ripped open, blood and flesh visible between the ripped pieces of clothing. "That Titan bit me and threw me away, I managed to fire the smoke rounds afterwards." She explains.

I swallow tightly, trying to remain calm as my thoughts rush back and forth. What do I do? I'm not a doctor, nothing close to it, but I don't need to be educated to know that this is bad to say in the least. "Stay with me!" I raise my voice to keep her conscious. Her head hangs forward as her eyelids slowly flutter close. "April!" I grab her green cape off the ground as I wrap it around her body, tying it to her stomach in an attempt to lessen the flowing stream of blood.

"Come on." My breathing picks up speed as I start to panic but try to remain confident and calm for her sake, which takes everything I have.

"No." She whispered softly and confused I look at her. I hear a loud growl, I turn around to see the Titan in the distance, standing on its hands and feet.

"April we need to move now!" I say as I slip my hand under her legs, my other hand supporting her back as I slowly lift her feather light body from the earth.

"S..stop!" She shouts, tears streaming down her face. "We don't have time!" I unintentionally shout back.

"Please... Jaclyn, please." She cries in my arms, pulling my cape. "Put me down." I turn around to the Titan, it is definitely an aberrant, standing on its arms and legs, sniffing around like a dog as if it is searching for us through its nose.

While every nerve in my body screams no, go now and don't put her down, I tentatively kneel as I carefully lay her body to the ground again. "What is it? Does it hurt too much?" I ask as I stroke her cheek.

She lays on the ground as she's looking up past me, I follow her gaze as we now both stare up to the light clouded blue sky where sunlight enters the forest. It is usually a dark place because the many leafs block out most daylight, but here there is a huge gap where the sky is clearly visible.

"Let's not pretend." She starts, her voice suddenly hard. "I'm as good as dead and we both know it." She whimpers between broken sobs, lifting her arm with great difficulty to wipe her tears away with her sleeve. "I'm sorry. I should've listened to you but I was too stubborn. I'm so sorry Jaclyn!"

I stare at her. No, is all I think. No you're not as good as dead. You're alive and I will take you with me. I need her alive and by my side.

"No! Shut up! I'll take you with me!" I shake my head as I hold back the tears that are pricking my eyes, refusing the idea of returning alone.

"Tell Kay I love him." She whispers almost inaudible.

"You tell him yourself!" I scream as the Titan lets out a loud growl and turns our way.

I stand up and draw my blades. First I have to kill this Titan and then I'll take April to safety.

"April, bear with it just a little longer. I'll kill the Tita-." I turn around to face her again.

"What are you... April don't!" I yell at the top of my lungs as I see the horrifying image of her, burned on my eyelids forever. She lays on the ground, holding the titan blade pointed towards her own chest as she forces its way in, blood splashing in the air and gushing out of the wound. I fall to my knees in shock, eyes wide as I'm lost for words, sounds that don't make up words escape my quivering lips.

"You've done enough for me. You took me out the underground, because of you I tasted freedom, felt the sun on my skin." I am paralyzed as the girl talks with a peaceful smile on her face, a few silent tears falling to her ears.

"I am scared to die Jaclyn." She confesses in the same tone she did two nights ago. "But with this view and you by my side, it's not that bad. Look how beautiful the sky is." She lifts her arm towards the heavens and opens her hand. She takes my hand in her bloodied one."Don't you dare feel guilty." She orders me. "I love you Jaclyn."

"I love you too." I blurt out. My eyes shift between her so peaceful looking face and the blood flowing from her chest. Soft sobs escape my mouth as they gradually become louder. This can't be happening. I shouldn't have left her alone, how could I be so stupid. "April where did the others go? Where is the rest of the squad?" I ask as I look around. "Don't tell me they also..." I glance down to her as she nods with a pained expression.

So then all five of them were killed by that Titan.

"Jaclyn." April speaks up and waits until I look her in the eye. "Send me off with a song?"

I'm completely caught off guard by her question. She looks at me with pleading eyes and of course I can't decline her last request. I think hard of a song that is soothing, soft and will send her soul away peacefully. Tentatively I start singing. My voice soft and croaked, barely able to speak as a lump is building up in my throat.

"I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go.  
When all those shadows almost killed your light..."

I lean down and plant a soft kiss on her forehead as her eyes flutter closed. I slowly keep rubbing circles on her hand as she tightens her fingers around mine.

"I remember you say, don't leave me here alone, but all that's dead and gone and past, tonight."

Her intakes of breaths are becoming less as her chest almost unnoticeably rises and falls. With great difficulty she forces her eyes open to look at me as she offers me a smile. "I accept death." She says softly.

"Just close your eyes,  
The sun is going down.  
You'll be alright,  
No one can hurt you now.  
Come morning light,  
you and I'll be safe and sound."

I finish as her body becomes lifeless, her grip loosening and arms falling to her sides, eyes open but no air leaving or entering her lips. No heartbeat anymore, no response as I stroke her cheek.

I bite my lip painfully to the point where blood seeps out. I grip my hair tightly and keep shaking my head. I let out a scream of grief and sorrow as my head falls to her chest. Fists bawled and slamming them into the earth. Denial swallows me whole as I can't wrap my head around reality. This can't be happening, this is just a bad dream, I will wake up with April in my arms, yet this looks too real. I pinch myself and the pain I feel is a reminder that in fact, I'm not dreaming. After moments pass I pull myself up and look at her motionless smiling face.

I swipe my hand across her face as I close her eyes and tidy her wild hair. "April." I whisper. "Don't go where I can't follow." I cover my heart with my fist as I grip my skin tightly. It feels broken beyond repair, heartstrings pulled out as I keep staring at her lifeless body. After minutes of loudly sobbing without tears I manage to silence myself.

The silence before me is disturbed by the loud growl of the Titan that I for a moment forgot, it is heading our way. I won't let it touch April, even if it kills me,

I swing in the air to the Titan as it suddenly grabs me, it's movements are precise and fast, more like a human than an actual Titan. Now I do understand how it was able to defeat five soldiers all at once. "I refuse to get killed by hideous creatures like you!" My body aches under the crushing power of the Titan, I am unable to breath as my lungs have no room to expand. It feels like my bones are about to crush, on the verge of breaking in half. With my free hand I swing the blade through the air, cutting the thumb of the Titan off and creating space for me to escape. I gasp for air as soon as I am freed, lungs that so desperately seek for oxygen take the first chance to refill them again.

Broken like a hopeless puppet I scream to the Titan. "You took the most important person away from me!" I say as if we communicate in the same language. My voice once as steady and unwavering as it was, now cracking and crumbling under my raging emotions.

"But why, why do you kill us!" I demand an answer. I stand on top of a branch, the Titan standing under me, looking hungry for another soul to take. It humongous mouth is wide open, saliva splashing through the air and growling back at me. "Why?!" I asked again, this time on the verge of tears.

The Titan growls deafening, so loud my ears start to hurt as I cover them with my hands. Birds jump off the branches and fly away from the sudden noise.

My vocal cords have had too much to endure today, because the next time I speak my voice is only as loud as a whisper. "Why?"

The Titan slams his hands against the tree, causing it to tremble heavily, it is probably sick of my whining and losing its patience. I realise my attempts are useless. It is just another fucking Titan, aberrant or not, still mindless. "God Jaclyn, what the fuck are you doing." I say to myself, slowly coming back to my senses.

I jump off the branch, the chords holding me up in the air as the gas pushes me forward. Even though the Titan is faster than usual, I am quicker, even in my poor state of losing my fucking mind. I take a big swing around its body and reach the neck, my blades penetrated the skin effortlessly as a big chunk of flesh flies into the air. The Titan immediately falls back and it's body is already starting to evaporate into this air until nothing remains. I land on a branch again as I realise I'm running low on gas.

The only sound that reaches my hearing is the soothing sound of the wind, the crisp leaves falling to the ground and the flapping wings of the birds. The others are long out of sight, I don't even know how far I wandered. Nobody knows where I am, I have no horse or gas to move and worst of all, I've lost April.

I try to think of options to get out of this mess but realize soon enough there are next to none. I'm stuck and nobody will look for me. For all they know I'm already dead, if I don't return they should presume I'm dead, isn't that right?

With no other options I try to get familiar with the highly possibility of not returning alive. At least I want to choose the way I go. I make my way up to the highest treetop with the little gas I have left. I take a deep breath, enjoying the panoramic view in front of me. The sun is already low on the horizon. The sky colored in amazing hues of bright red and orange, giving the illusion as if the clouds are on fire.

"I wish April could see this." I sigh to myself. It feels good to be up here in silence, so high, away from the danger and chaos of the world. The wind is blowing steady and calm, causing the leafs to rustle in respond. My hot cheeks cooling at its pleasant touch.

I feel numb, but I enjoy the beautiful sight from the top of the tree over the forest, the tall walls looking incredible small from this distance.

The pleasant feeling of peace and serenity don't last long as the events of moments ago repeat themselves in my mind, haunting me. I cringe as new tears once again form up, leaving my eyes stinging and sight hazy, but I refuse to let them fall.

I accept death.

Her last words, in that sweet but steady voice, echoed in the back of my mind. My chest feels hollow, as if there is no heartbeat. I remember myself being like this back in the underground, like a dead corps wandering around, not caring about anyone or anything. It was like rotting away with no desire to live, that was until I met April and Kay. They taught me how it was to live and feel again, but now, once again, my spirit to live and fight is burning low.

Kay is still save within the walls. At least that thought made me smile, he is still alive, still oblivious to the fact that April is gone.

I climb a few branches down as I undo my manuvuer gear. I let it slip out of my hands as it falls the long way down, along with my only defense weapons. There is nothing I can do. I can either wait for someone to rescue me what is highly unlikely, get killed by Titans or end it myself. The last option is the quickest and sounds the most appealing.

I stare down, I'm about 70 meters above ground. Good thing I'm not scared of heights because it looks like a long fall back to earth.

I turn around, my heels over the edge of the branch. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you April." I close my eyes as a tear finally finds a route to escape. "Forgive me for giving up, Kay." I whisper as I spread my arms wide open. I lean backwards as I fall, my feet no longer resting on the branch. Now it is only a matter of seconds before I'll fall to my death on the damp forest grounds. I hear my heartbeat throbbing in my ears, blocking out all other sounds. I open my eyes again as I see little bits of the orange sky through the leafs, the wind rushing past me. It is as if everything goes in slow motion, I feel peaceful. Memories cross my mind, the day I met April, how we used to watch the stars, shared our stories. Memories of Kay, the underground, the short time I spent above. I am still young, I have many things planned for the future, so many things I still wanted to see and do. But I had met April and Kay, that is enough, they are enough. This isn't a bad way to go. I get to die outside the walls, alone and in peace by my own decision. "I accept death."


	17. Another Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped last weeks update because I wanted to write some ideas down and more chapters in advance. From now on I'll (hopefully) update every Sunday/Monday again. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"A cut on her cheek, bruises at several places, especially her arms, but other than that she will be fine."

"That's good to hear, thank you."

"I will be back within half an hour to check on them."

I hear faint, distant voices around me but aren't able to place them. I just regained consciousness, from how long I have no idea, and I don't dare to open my eyes just yet. My mind struggles to put the puzzle of events together. I painfully remember April, fighting the Titan and overlooking the forest. I remember the feeling of falling, the light tickling feeling in my stomach, the wind rushing past me. I meant to take all my sins and worries with me to the grave. So why am I lying on a mattress and not dead on the damp forest grounds? My head throbs with every thought, I lift my arm to put my hand on my forehead and it takes me all my strength I have left to do so. "Fuck." I breath out, scrunching my eyes in pain.

"She's awake!"

I recognize Jonah's voice, his tone happy as ever. My hand that rested on my forehead is gently pulled away to be taken in someone else's. The person soothingly draws circles with their thumb. Whoever it is, right now I don't mind. It brings me ease as my body relaxes under the gentle touch. I almost catch myself dozing away again into unconsciousness, but someones voice keeps me wide awake.

"Jaclyn?"

My eyes fly open the moment I hear his familiar voice. "Kay?!" I rise up in bed to a sitting position which I immediately regret as my whole body protests in pain. My hazy sight sharpens as I see Kay sitting on the edge of my bed, holding my hand in his.

I can't help but smile. A hesitant and pained smile as I remember April's death. Does Kay know she's gone? Has someone informed him on what happened? Will I be the one to break the news?

He appears somewhat relieved but isn't smiling despite that fact. "Kay I'm-" Abruptly a sharp, burning sensation spreads across my cheek. I lift my hand immediately to cover it as I look up to him in astonishment and disbelief.

"Why?" He asks, looking me dead in the eye, not even blinking as I'm lost for words. "Why Jaclyn?!" He raises his voice.

"Why what?" I stammer, realizing what he means but not wanting to tell anything unless specifically asked.

"You tried to kill yourself!" He really did shout this time, squeezing my hand he is still holding onto.

"It wasn't like that." I choke out with a lump building up in my throat making it hard for me to speak. It is odd for me to see him like this, unlike April who got jealous, whiny and emotional at times, Kay and I always kept our cool. But where I would lose my temper occasionally, he would remain calm at all times. Like I haven't seen in years, his face is full of emotion and voice thick with anger.

"Then what was it like? The only reason you're alive is because Levi caught you on time from the fall." He slightly turns as I follow his gaze.

Levi sits opposite of me next to the door. He rests his elbows on his knees and when his name is mentioned he glances up. His eyes are surrounded with dark circles, he looks awfully tired and drained as if he hasn'

* * *

t been sleeping for days. His eyes briefly meet mine before he turns away and averts his eyes, continuing to stare at the wooden floor.

"I'm sorry, Kay." Is the best I can come up with.

"Why?" He persistently demands an answer.

I swallow hard before I talk. Kay won't be satisfied no matter what answer I'll give, that much I know. So the fact he still wants something- an explanation despite it never being good enough is bugging me. "I had no options. It was either that or become Titan food. I was out of gas and-"

Another blow hits my face. I know I am looking for every suitable excuse, but obviously he isn't buying it. I don't protest, I know he is angry, furious that I dared to give up like that. If not worse, my reaction would be the same if the situation was reversed. We promised each other long ago that we'll fight no matter what, we'll live no matter what. We've been through many hardships together and it only made us stronger, but that also means losing one of our own hits me a thousand times harder.

"Even though April is gone, you can't just give up like that." His voice is now calmer as he loosens his tight grip on my hand.

Once again I am fighting back the tears as soon as he mentioned her name. The overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over me. I take both of his hands in mine, holding them tight. I stare down at our intertwined hands as he offers a squeeze of comfort. "I was too late, I couldn't save her, she already lost so much blood and she didn't want me to carry her and-"

"Hey, calm down. Take a deep breath." His voice is steady, unlike mine. Even though I'm sitting in bed, it feels like I just ran for an hour straight. Unsteady breaths escape my lips and I try to do as he instructs. I inhale deep and let out shaky breaths, I bawl my fists at my own stupid behavior, like I'm wallowing in self pity.

"This is not like you Jaclyn." He lifts my chin so I can look him directly in the eye. "Explain what happened, and take your time."

He is right, this is nothing like me. I've lost people I loved before but somehow April's death is having this much impact on me. Not that I expected any less, not that I expected her to be gone before me to begin with.

I peer over his shoulder to Levi, his gaze is focused on the floor but I know he is listening intently. Why is he even here? Not that I mind. I look to the left, Jonah is also lying in bed, his head wrapped in bandages and I see he has a few cuts and bruises as well but nothing too serious. He also doesn't look our way, as if trying to give us privacy in this small room where they hear every word we exchange, every breath I exhale. Kay grabs my shoulder and when I meet his eyes he nods a single time, as if saying it's okay.

I take a moment to close my eyes and get myself together, so I can then start explaining what happened. "When I reached April she was lying on the ground, wounded. Blood was flowing from her stomach. I wasn't able to stop it." He squeezed my hand, motioning for me to continue. "Of course I wanted to take her with me, but she..." I stop talking again as I cringe at the memories of the sweet girl, I leave the sentence unfinished, not wanting to say what she had done and why.

"She what?"

I'm trying to find the courage within myself to tell Kay what she had done. After all, I do feel responsible for her death, especially after what she had told me. "She stabbed herself in the chest so I could get away safely, she didn't want to be a burden to me any longer, she died shortly after." The last words come out as a whisper. Not being able to look him in the eye, I turn away, I let go of his hands as I bury my face in mine. I hear Jonah and Levi slightly move in their positions. "Her last words were; I accept death."

I sit here in stillness as the seconds silent and uncomfortably tick by. He pulls me into a warm, gentle hug, soothingly rubbing my back. "You're strong, the strongest person I know, both mentally and physically." Kay begins to talk and there's nothing left of the anger in his voice. "Think of the good times we shared and continue making new ones while keeping her in our memories, okay?"

"Yes." I manage to smile at last, if someone would know what to say to me it would be him. I must remember her like the lovely girl she was, always energetic and honest. It won't be fair of me to only think of her in her last moments. The friendship we had should keep me going, giving me strength, not emotionally destroy me.

"Ahem." I pull away from his embrace as I see a man in a white coat standing in the threshold. "You're awake I see. How do you feel?"

"My whole body aches, but other than that I feel fine." I answer as I realize he's a doctor.

"Yes, you're covered in bruises, any idea how you got them?" I frown as I try to remember. "Especially your upper body is bruised." He looks up to me with his brow pulled.

"Oh." I breath out as I remember. "A titan tried to squeeze me to death." I shrug.

He nods a few times while scrabbling the information down on a paper. "You are lucky no internal organs are damaged, within few days you will be back to normal. Try to rest for the time being." He advises and looks over to Jonah.

"You need to come with me, we have to do another checkup." Jonah gets up with help from the doctor as they walk out the door.

My stomach growls loudly, disrupting the silence as I peer up to Kay. "I'll get you something to eat." He offers as he gets up from the bed, making his way out. He stops by Levi's side and mumbles words softly enough so they don't reach my hearing before he walks out. He closes the door behind him, leaving me alone with Levi.

He hasn't said a word since I regained consciousness and now we sit in silence. I stare down at the white bed sheets as I still sit up straight in bed, mind drifting off as I fidget with the fabric. Why is Levi here? He was there to save me? I'm lost thinking of questions I won't know the answer to unless I ask him directly. I didn't notice Levi siting next to me and I shriek as his hand brushes my cheek. Stunned by his touch I slightly pull away and eye him cautiously. He grabs a cloth and pours some clear liquid onto it that lies on the nightstand. "Here, they forgot to clean the cut." My cheek had much to endure as the pain that Kay's hand brought me still lingers there. I feel the liquid seep into the wound, it burns at first but the sensation is quickly gone and actually feels better after a moment.

"Why were you there?" I ask softly and tentatively, I don't want to sound ungrateful. He was the one that let me go search for her and then rescued me from what would certainly be my death. After a few moments pass I thought he didn't hear me. "Levi." I now say louder.

He tears his gaze off my cheek and looks me in the eye. "I knew you didn't die out there. At least not by the hands of a titan." He removes the cloth from my cheek, grabbing a plaster to cover the cut. "So he allowed me to go look for you." He adds at last.

"Sorry." I say as he is taking awfully long with the plaster.

"For what?" He now stops and looks up to me, his gaze is piercing yet so innocent.

Sorry for agreeing to kill you in exchange for money, is what I thought, wanted to say.

I'm sure Kay agrees, killing Levi is not an option anymore, not after what he did for April and me. Money isn't worth it. I'm secretly afraid I actually care for his wellbeing, to an extent I didn't know was possible when I first laid my eyes on him.

"Levi, I need to tell you something." I start hesitant, glancing back up to him.

"Whatever it is, it can wait. You need to rest Jaclyn." He brushes it off and stands up.

"Wait." I say as he turns in the middle of the room. "What did Kay say to you before he went away?"

He seems hesitant to tell me because he stared at me a few moments before answering. "To watch over you since he's unable to do so. Now rest." He instructs before opening the door where Kay stood on the other side with a tray of food.

"What's up with you two?" I ask as Kay puts the tray with food onto my lap, I realize how hungry I am as soon as the aroma of the delicious food reaches me. "Explain, how did you know and how did you come in?" I say, mouth full of food.

Kay laughed. "Very ladylike." I just shrug as I continue to enjoy. "When you - the Survey Corps, weren't back on the planned time I knew something was wrong. I waited at the gate for you and April to return." His voice became softer as the end of the sentence was nearing and he barely spoke April's name. "When everybody, well most soldiers returned, I saw you lying unconscious. I knew who Levi was and he remembered me so he agreed on letting me come along."

"Kay." I speak up again as I finish eating and putting the tray away.

"I know." He smiles. "But we have to find a way so that we won't get killed in the process."

Did he knew what I was going to say? Of course, he always does. "All the money is still there right? None of it used like I said?"

"It's save."

"Good then you make an appoint-"

The door opens as Jonah walks in together with the doctor. "Hey!" He beams at me and Kay. I can't help but smile at his positive attitude.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Have been better." He says, the smile never leaving his lips. He crawled arduously into bed as he lets out a deep sigh. "Just tired."

"Yeah, me too."

"I'm sorry but you'll have to leave, you may visit her again in two days, those are the rules." The doctor tells Kay who seems annoyed but nods anyway.

"I'll take care of things." He states out loud, knowing no one understands what he is talking about.

"Sure, you better be back in two days." I smile at him.

"Of course." He strokes my cheek and rubs it with his thumb, reminding me he hit me two times, but I forget it all with just a glance at his face. "Good luck with your arm Jonah!" He waves him goodbye.

"I'll manage, take care!" he answers.

It seems as if Kay already made friends, he is talking to Jonah as if he knows him well. He also privately talked to Levi while I was right here.

"He's a nice guy. Where did you meet each other?" Jonah asks when Kay left the room.

"He is." I smile to myself recalling the memories of meeting Kay. "I met him in the underground, he got in trouble and I helped him out, then he helped me out. Long story short, that's how we became friends." I explain, not going into the unnecessarily details. "Have you seen your family and friends already?"

"Yes, they were here yesterday." He says as his face lits up immediately.

"Who came to visit?"

"My mother, brother and two good friends." He continues talking but my mind wanders off.

"Wait Jonah, yesterday? How long have we been here?"

"This is the third day, you were unconscious for three days. They moved you from the hospital yesterday." He appears just as confused as I am. "Kay hadn't told you?"

"No." I thought it was only hours ago that we had returned from the expedition.

Now it was Jonah's turn, his stomach grumbling. "Hungry?"

"Yeah." He laughed covering his belly with his hands.

"I will get you something." I say and stand up. I notice my legs and arms are weakened, but I manage.

"I can get it myself." He says looking concerned.

"No, I'll do it." I want to get out of this room and walk around, loosen my muscles a bit and take a breath of fresh air.

"I'll be right back." I tell Jonah as I close the door behind me.

Slowly I shuffle through the eerily quiet corridors, it is already pitch black outside and the stars beam brightly tonight. I take a step into the cold. It causes pleasant goosebumps to my arms, I inhale the clean air with deep breaths and close my eyes. I lie down on the slightly damp grass, my clothing soaking up the drops. I stare at the bright stars and half-moon across the black sky. I remember lying like this with Kay and April, staring at the stars, counting the falling ones. I remember lying with Jonah like this, but then in the heat of the day, it all seems like yesterday. I lay here for a good fifteen minutes when I start to get cold, the goosebumps now not so pleasant anymore. The leaves falling from the trees around me are a reminder that it's autumn, and I shouldn't be lying out in the night dressed like this in only a hoodie and trousers.

I sigh loudly when I remember I was supposed to get Jonah dinner. I push myself off the ground with my elbows to a sitting position. My mind and thoughts are still misty and only realize after moments have passed that I'm staring at a blade, now touching my neck. I recognize it as the blades used by the military, blades used for titans. My heart rate picks up as I glance to the covered face of the person opposite of me, unrecognizable.

"What?" I say annoyed and tired but still surprisingly calm and stern. Can't I have a goddamn break, like ever?

The person moves closer, the blade penetrating my skin as I'm not backing down. Streams of blood start to seep out and down to my collarbone, tickling my skin along the way. As time passes I receive no answer. He suddenly reaches down for my neck but am able to dodge and roll to my side as I jump up, not realizing the man is as close as he is. He swings the sword across my face, close enough to cause another wound at my cheek.

"What do you want?" I ask angry and confused.

Is this again an attempt of Zack to contact me through his bad-mannered men? Or is someone in the Survey Corps actually trying to kill me? The person is no rookie when it comes to fighting, I can tell, there is structure and in his attacks, but neither am I.

My muscles ache under the forced and pained movements, I also become light headed, seeing the figure of the man two, perhaps three times and dancing in the air. Three days of poor eating and being unconscious is taking its toll on me.

"I'm here to transfer a message." I suddenly hear him speak and have trouble making out the words. He comes closer, my body already gave up as he pushes me against the brick wall, unable to fight back at this point. He pushes a blade against my neck and I don't struggle to keep it away.

"Then fucking say it and go." I say through gritted teeth and he laughs loudly at my words.

Suddenly the blade is lifted from my neck, leaving space again for me to breathe freely. The man isn't standing before me anymore, my vision is blurry and dizziness takes over. I fall to the ground, my trembling legs not able to hold my weight. I hear inaudible curses and ragged breaths from the man who a second ago stood before me. I glance up as I lean with my back against the building while sitting on the ground. "You know this man?" I hear Levi ask. The moonlight shining on his face reveals his expression; angry, stunned and confused just like me.

"No." I say while standing up.

Levi holds him by his collar while the man is on his knees, arms hanging lumpy by his side. "Did he hurt you?" He asks in a dangerously low voice while looking down on the man who doesn't dare to make a move, probably knowing very well who's standing before him.

I rub my face as I sigh. There's no need to make a scene out of this. "Levi I'm fine I jus-"

"Did he?" He asks again, now facing me. I am standing weakly, using the wall for support.

"You were here on time." I faintly smile, reassuring him that everything is fine. Levi pulls him up to his feet so he faces him on the same level. He talks to the man, words I'm not able to understand. The man nods at his words and mumbles something. As soon as Levi lets go of him he gets to his feet and takes off into the dark as his figure fades away with distance, the same moment my consciousness also fading.

I curse as I fall forward, darkness closing in on me. The last thing I remember is Levi's tight grip, preventing me from falling to the ground.

* * *

The incident of the mysterious man attacking me was two days ago.

Levi has been visiting me a couple of times a day. My wounds and bruises are healing, but still I feel cripple and my body aches with every movement, but I'm healing faster than I'd imagine possible.

It's noon and Levi walks in like I had expected, but the moment he steps foot in the room and I glance over to him, I know something is off, wrong. Wordlessly he walks over to me in a couple of strides and throws an envelope on the sheets. I frown, thinking of what it could be. When I look up to Levi again he stands next to me, arms crossed and his face on a new level of stressed and pissed with an emotion I haven't seen before. "Open." He demands.

Thrown off by his serious tone I decide to not make any comments. I do as he says and open the envelope, grabbing the letter inside as I unfold it, revealing its content. My eyes scan over the sentences as I rapidly read the letter within seconds. Then two and three more times to make sure that what I read is actually written here. The thing I feared most is stated on this letter that Levi had read, Erwin had received. So many words written but only a few matter.

_Jaclyn Rosenthal has been hired to kill Levi._

Written in the simplest way possible, true and accurate, no beating around the bush.

Levi sits down on the chair next to the bed as I slowly fold the letter again and stare down, avoiding his gaze.

He sits back, eyes on me as an uncomfortable silence closes in on us. "Tell me again, your reason to join?"


	18. Tell Me The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been promising updates every week but failed again, a week late but at least a longer chapter.......?? Forgive me (-｡-;
> 
> Anyways a new chapter and enjoy!

I sit straight up in bed, subconsciously fidgeting my fingers. Kay and I both decided not to continue with the job. I don't want to kill Levi and he agrees that it's out of question at this point. I can't... not after what he did for me. I have this weird urge to tell him the truth, but even though it seems like we're on good terms, I can never predict his reaction. Will he be confused, mad, hurt or angry? Will he kick me out, ignore it or perhaps hand me over to the Military Police? The fact that I don't know what precaution he will take next means I won't tell him. Not yet at least.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

_**"Tell me again, your reason to join?"** _

Because just now when my ill intentions completely faded, Levi sits beside me, arms crossed and knowing the truth before I was able to spill it. I feel like anything I will say now will be discarded as a lie, be it the truth or not.

Silently I stare at the letter laying in front of me, not ready to shift my focus to Levi yet, if ever. I swallow hard, trying to remain calm and somewhat composed. But how is that possible in this situation? Who could and would send this?

When I make no effort to break the silence, Levi does after a few agonizing moments. "Answer one simple question with yes or no." He starts as I still stare at my hands, his voice booming in my ears, a certain tone of hesitation in his voice. "Is it true?"

My eyes shoot up when he speaks in that tone... as if he's actually hurt. But I second guess myself since his face remains stoic, as if we aren't having _this_ conversation right now. It's just his usual frown marking his face.

I think hard for a way out of this. It comes crashing down at me, all at once, out of nowhere and without warning. It's so sudden. How much does Levi know... and the Survey Corps? If I say no will they believe me, what will happen if I confess? My brain goes in overdrive and I shriek when Levi grabs my hand. I swiftly meet his gaze and turn my head to the other side, facing the wall. "No." I answer, not trying to be all that convincing.

"Are you lying to me?" He asks. Undoubtedly noticing my unsure and reluctant frame. The lack of confidence in my answer. He slightly turns my head, holding my chin between his thumb and index finger. He stops and lets go when I fully face him. I try to read his face, his expression, only noticing the slightly softer look in his eyes.

"I am." I breathe out shakily.

I close my eyes and it feels like time has frozen. Now here it comes. The Military Police or perhaps the Survey Corps themselves will come in, handcuff me, and that will be the end of my life. The end of my life as a free woman. Once again I will be held down, locked up in a cell with no sunlight. I grow more nervous as the seconds soundlessly pass by.

I sigh as I get no reaction from him. I just confessed, indirectly. "It isn't personal." I mutter softly. I feel the need to let him know this. That it has nothing to do with him on any kind of personal level, and after getting to know him, it hurts to have the truth come to daylight, especially like this.

"I figured." He says softly, a smile pulling at his lips he can't seem to suppress. To say that his reaction surprises me is an understatement. "Erwin received this one day prior to the expedition, roughly a week ago."

I blink a few times at the new information. Wait what? He knew all this time? "Then why-"

He presses his finger flat against my lips, hushing me as I stare down to his hand. "Be quiet and listen." He says and I nod. "I just found out myself. Erwin, Hanji and Mike were the only ones informed. They kept a close eye on you and your actions, decided to observe before taking action. He was either convinced this is false letter... or you changed your mind."

He left the sentence open, giving me a chance to butt in even though he told me to shut it. I take the opportunity to clarify. "You life isn't worth the reward." He seems disturbingly relaxed, the smile still present on his lips, his eyes now a softer expression too. "I'm sorry." I say as I grip the white sheets tighter.

When his fingers brush my cheek I look up and before I'm able to react his lips crash into mine. Soft and plump, passionate and tender, full of forgiveness. "You-" I say before he leans over and closes the distance between our lips again. I don't protest, my hands finding their way back to his neck, but I remain hesitant. Right now he's actually kissing me. His lips against mine instead of his knuckles meeting my face. I didn't know what to expect, but I can say this is the least I would've predict would happen next.

When he pulls away from my embrace and his lips leave mine he continues. "If this didn't happen I wouldn't have met you, in a way I'm glad it's you." He says. "You passed the test." He whispered into my ear as I even more confused pull away.

"Test?"

"If you wouldn't make a move on me, confessed all by yourself and it happened to be that you were indeed hired rather than acting on your own, Erwin would agree on helping you out of this mess. To the extent that is possible, of course."

He explains as both relief and guilt wash over me the same time, leaving me completely lost in the moment. Even now he's helping me again. "So, then what happens now?" I ask tentatively, not wanting to sound happy before knowing every last detail.

His face turns serious as he lets go of my hand and leans back in his chair, eying me a few moments before talking. "I can't let you know. All I'm allowed to tell you is that you will be locked up for a certain amount of time."

I guess it's better than what normally would happen, so I don't complain. All the information and realization hits me at once as I'm talking too casually with Levi about this. The possibility of this being a dream crosses my mind, but it's one that feels too real. Besides... my fingertips brush over my lips as I fix my eyes onto the sheets, I'm sure _that_ was real.

"Will the Military Police find out?" I ask, breaking the silence. He nods a single time as my heart skips a beat.

"Erwin told me today because apparently they just received the same letter." So that means there's no running from them now, I'm in the middle of the Military forces. I'm stuck, not handcuffed or locked up yet, but there is no way for me to escape now, is there?

"Erwin and Hanji are thinking of a plan, until they figured something out you will be held."

* * *

I lay on bed, not knowing how much time has passed. Is it morning, afternoon, evening or perhaps midnight?

I have no idea.

No clock or sunlight to tell me the time of the day and it drives me mad. Did five minutes pass or one hour? Did I fall asleep just now or have I been staring at the ceiling all this time? It feels like I've been stuck here forever but I know it's only been three days.

I stare at my hand that I hold up in front of me. "How much longer are they planning to imprison me in this depressing place." I take a deep breath and sigh loudly. "I wonder." I notice a swift movement behind the bars and I shift my gaze towards the person standing here. "Did you come to kill my boredom?" I sarcastically remark and sit straight up, happy with some human contact in days beside the untalkative Military Police guards that only throw me dirty glances once in a while.

"Well it seems it's time for you to leave this cramped two by two meter cage." Levi says and walks closer, leaning with folded arms against the metal bars that separate us. He looks at me with pity after he glanced around my cell. Not that there's much to see besides the bed.

"Glad to hear that." I jump up and walk over to him. "Where will I be going?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you." He presses his lips in a straight line, furrowing his brows. "But it's not going to be pretty." He eyes me seriously, a jolt of nervousness struck my body. His troubled gaze disheartens me. The sight of him makes me wonder if I would rather stay in this cell than going out to wherever they're planning on taking me.

"You're unnerving, you know that?" I say while taking a few steps back. "What did you came to tell me then?" My voice echoes through the halls and dies shortly after. He just keeps looking at me with an expression I can't place, it's somewhere between his usual deadpan face and... I'm not really sure.

"Levi." I raise my voice. I sound confused, holding back my usual tone of voice and response. It's not like I can act like the Jaclyn he knows who had a big mouth and would demand answers. I'm not sure in what position I am and how far can I go. For once it feels like there might be consequences to my behavior. It doesn't feel the same since the revelation. It's only natural things changed but still, this feels awkward in a way.

He turns around and stands with his back to me. "An apology in advance." He peers over his shoulder with a pained expression and then starts walking away.

"For what?" I ask walking forward again, grabbing onto the bars and see him walking at the end of the hall. "Don't just leave me like this!" I shout and watch him turn the corner. I curse under my breath and loosen my tight grip on the bars. I let myself fall back on the bed again. What the hell was that about? Unexpectedly visiting, making me anxious for god knows what. Then he just stares at me, giving a shit reply to my question and leaving just like that. "Exactly when do I get to leave?"

"Right now that is!" Her boisterous voice booming through the small place makes me jerk right back up in shock.

"In high spirits like always Hanji." I slightly smile at seeing her again. She had visited me together with Petra just before Levi dropped the bomb. I haven't spoken to anyone since. Not Hanji or Petra, not anyone of the squad. I haven't seen Jonah since then. I keep catching myself wondering if he hates me for this, does he think I betrayed him too? Because in a way, I deceived everyone around me. People who genuinely trusted me. People who accepted me.

She walks in and unlocks the heavy metal door, making her way over to me. Her joyous facial features slightly diminish when she saw I noticed the handcuffs in her hand. "Is that really necessary?" I ask carefully as I already stretch my arms behind my back. I know very well I'm not in a position to complain, but those thick handcuffs seem a little extreme. Even for someone like me.

I've considered escaping, but It's not like I have anywhere to go and hide. And even _if_ I could, I won't ever betray them a second time. They're trying to figure out who assigned me to do this, and they need me in order to do that. Even so, I believe, or perhaps want to believe they are doing it for me too. I'm being the most selfish person I know, but those are my true feelings.

"Sorry dear, I wouldn't do it but Erwin requested them, therefore you'll have to wear it."

"I understand." I don't, not really but I let her put them on as I restrain myself from cursing out loud. All my life I managed to escape and evade the Military Police and right now, because someone sent a fucking letter... I grit my teeth and let the for now useless thoughts wander.

"We should leave now or else we might be late!" With a single turn of the key she locks the cuffs behind my back and holds onto them as we walk out the cell, onto the hallway.

When we turn around the corner a man from the Survey Corps stands here, also joining us on our walk to... "Where exactly are we heading?" I ask and look over to Hanji.

"You sure talk a lot today."

"Can you blame me?" I ask and suddenly we come to a halt.

"It's good to keep wondering." A smile appears on her face before it fades in an instant. "Now, if you enter this door you'll realize what is going on." She says as I throw her a confused glance. For one, her unusual serious tone and two, what could be behind this door?

She speaks softly, just above a whisper as she turns me around and rests her hands onto my shoulders. "We need to decide whether we can trust you or not, therefore we didn't inform you on the current situation. We will trust you blindly and depending on the outcome we will plan a next move." She explains, not that I understand any of it. "Any answer that you might come up with is correct. Trust your instincts and play along." She whispers into my ear and backs off.

Current situation? Blindly trust me? What outcome? What next move?

As the questions build up I turn around. "Wait a moment, Hanji!" I say but the Military Police takes over as two men push guns to my back and force me to move onwards.

"Good luck." She says and walks away without another word.

The humongous doors open and when I observe the room, I immediately realize what is going on. But my mind can't grasp the reason as to why? Why the Military Court?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been greatly inspired by ep 14 from Shingeki no Kyojin obviously... 
> 
> (Hopefully) next week an update!


	19. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Trying to update regularly but obviously I'm failing. Sorry (~_~;)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Slowly I open my heavy eyelids as a dim light blinds my vision. When the blurriness fades I realize I'm lying in a bed. Exhausted as I am I remain laying still, staring at the wooden ceiling, trying to gather my thoughts.

At least I'm not in that cell anymore.

But where am I?

My thoughts are hazy as I try to put the puzzle of events together. Flashes of the moments before blacking out appear like a series of pictures in my mind. Images of Levi, the courtroom and Zack pass by.

That's when realization strikes me. I wonder... what is the verdict? I think I blacked out when Levi gave me one blow too much for me to handle. Levi... The look in his eyes when he stood before me. My head throbs at the thought, he kissed me a week before, how does he actually feels about me?

Well, I have nothing to complain about. I guess I expected worse from him the moment he confronted me. Instead, he offered me help. I roll over to sit on the edge of the bed. Breathing hurts, moving my body hurts. Fuck... everything hurts like hell.

The door slowly opens as the man I was just thinking about walks in, staring absentmindedly down the floor while he's carrying something with both hands.

"And?" The question leaves my lips the second I lay my eyes on him. His eyes shoot up, startled he looks up to me and turns around to put the tray on the desk. I think I caught him off guard with my question, or simply me being conscious again.

"For now you're in our hands." He speaks up while he's sorting something.

"What happened?" I ask and as he turns again, he walks over to me while dragging a chair next to the bed.

"Look up." He instructs. Gently he stokes my cheek with his thumb and then starts cleaning a cut, a stinging pain spreads across my cheek when he presses a cloth against it. Slightly I pull back from the discomfort, frowning while as I feel pain creep up from all over my body. Immediately he freezes in his movements and pulls back. "After you lost consciousness you were brought here and we continued. Zackley decided to hand you over to us in the end." He explains as a matter of fact. He puts a damp towel to my forehead. "Keep it there."

"So I didn't endure that for nothing." I think out loud as I keep the towel in place and Levi hums in agreement. "I'm glad." I breath out and lie flatly on the mattress, my head slowly sinks into the pillow as I catch myself becoming sleepy the moment I relax my body.

"What would you do if you were handed over to the Military Police?"

What would I do? Confused I eye him but he doesn't notice, or he pretends not to. "There isn't much I could do, is there?"

"You would go down like that?" He now shifts his gaze to meet mine.

A grin appears on my face. "You're right... I wouldn't. If I succeeded in escaping somehow I would kill the bastard that set me up with this. If not, Kay would've done it. So that would be satisfying enough. I guess if such an irrational plan wouldn't work..." I breathe out a heavy sigh that I've been suppressing all this time. "I'd just accept my fate. Probably cause them trouble until my last moments."

"Does that mean you already know who did it?"

"Huh?" I open my eyes and look up to him. His full attention directed towards me as he lays some equipment down.

"You said you would escape and kill the one that set you up with it, and otherwise Kay would've done it. Forgot to say you would have to figure out who it is first?"

I smile and nod at his comment. "You know, even though you seem disinterested at times, you actually pay attention to what I'm saying."

"So that means you do?"

"Maybe."

"Jaclyn."

"Alright, alright. Yes I do." I shrug, it's no use trying to hide the facts now. After all, I do want to catch him, and Levi along with the Survey Corps share the same goal.

"Save it for later, we'll meet up with Hanji today."

Confused I watch him as he already continued treating my wounds, cutting an end to the topic. Part of me wants ask why he doesn't demand an answer straight away. That now when he knows I hold the answer they're all looking for, he still doesn't force it. I study his familiar calm and collected face but somehow... something seems off, different. But I can't pinpoint what exactly looks or feels out of place.

I squeeze my eyes shut and inhale sharply as he presses against my bruised stomach. "Can you not do that?" I say annoyed as he ignores my complaints and keeps adding pressure on several places.

"It only hurts here?" He asks as his fingertips press into my purple bruised skin.

"Obviously." I say through gritted teeth. I pull the towel that lays on my forehead over my eyes, trying not to focus on whatever he's doing and the pain on my stomach.

"Jaclyn?" I faintly hear Levi's voice call my name, and then again a second time louder.

"What is it?" I ask as I pull the towel from my eyes. I blink a few times, the room to my surprise almost pitch black, there's only a dim light that enters from the hallways and illuminates Levi's figure standing in the threshold. "I fell asleep?" I ask, my voice sounding only like a hoarse whisper.

"It has only been two hours. We need to leave to meet up with Hanji. Go change, I'll be waiting outside." He says before he closes the door again and switches the light in the room on.

I change into the clothes that are folded on the desk. Black trousers and a white hoodie. Even in the dim lights my bright hued bruises are clearly visible on my stomach. When I'm ready I open the door and Levi is leaning against the wall next to it. "Let's go." He says as I follow him.

We walk through the silent hallways, making our way outside. When Levi opens the door the present sound of rain is audible. Even though it's evening, the gravel gray clouds are visible and moving fast as they let a million drops fall. The rain is drumming against the roof of the carriage that is presumingly waiting for us. I put my hoodie on and we quickly walk over as Levi opens the door and motions for me to step in. Immediately when he closes the door we begin moving.

"Where are we going?" I ask as the silence is a bit uncomfortable. Neither I or he has said a word about what he did to me at the court room. Not that I want to talk about it, but it feels like an unspoken matter that lingers between us, making it uneasy for me to sit in silence.

"Didn't I tell you. To meet Hanji."

"I know that. I meant where, why not just in this building?" I say as I let out a yawn. I'm still slow and exhausted. It feels like one of the longest days I've lived but I know it's nowhere near finished yet. When I get no response I give up. Perhaps before all this I would but right now I wont try my best to pull the answers out of him.

I stare out of the window as I let my head rest against it. Where are Jonah and Kay right now? I wonder. They didn't visit me back in that room, probably weren't allowed. Even though Jonah defended me back there, offered me what seemed like an earnest smile, I can't help but think he doesn't want to see me anymore now he knows who I really am, or was, used to be...

These painful thoughts drain all energy out of me, the uncertainty about Kay also doesn't sit well. I rest my elbow on my knees and I grope my hair tightly as I stare down the wooden floor.

"Do you hate me? Levi's voice suddenly interrupts.

"What?"

He sighs, wanting to repeat himself. "I asked, do you-"

"No." I now interrupt. "I heard you the first time." I peek through the strands of hair that hover over my eyes. "Aren't you the one that in a harsh, painful way helped me?" I smile and see that he frowns at my words, my lighthearted tone doesn't exactly match the words I spoke. "Honestly, I couldn't hate you, not after what you did for me." I say and look out of the window again.

He simply hums in understanding and when I peer over to him, I see his tense muscles and shoulders relax. The faintest of smiles tugging his lips.

That is what was bothering him? It amazes me, the thought that I could hate him at this point lingered in his brain. He helped me time and time again and when he found out I deceived him, he continued offering me his help without ever asking anything in return. He's more like a savior to me. The air in the little space suddenly feels, lighter, more comfortable. Perhaps that's why something felt odd, because I feel more at ease after I made sure that in fact, I do not resent him in the slightest.

The rain is still pouring down heavily and the crackling sound of thunder booms. My tiring thoughts along with the movements of the carriage almost rock me back to sleep but when the lightning lights everything up for a brief second, I recognize the road we're driving on. I've walked this path countless times when walking towards the city. The carriage abruptly comes to a halt and Levi steps out first as I follow him.

I'm standing in front of my home. Why are we here?

Levi walks up to the door as if he's the one that lives here. He knocks twice. The door opens and Levi enters before Kay's eyes fall on me. "Come in!" He yells, his voice just audible due the rainfall. I slowly walk up to the door as he meets me halfway, his arms tightly closing around me. I bury my head in his shirt as I let out a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, for everything." I whisper.

"Quit apologizing already." He says as he pulls slightly away to look at me. "There's nothing you could've done differently."

I nod as I force myself to smile. I'm happy if he truly believes that, but the fact that I got him involved... I can never forgive myself. "Let's go inside." He insists and I nod. He walks behind me with a firm guiding hand of reassurance against my back.

The moment I enter the house all heads are turned to me. Hanji, Levi and Jonah sit at the table together with another person who sits with their back to me. My eyes widen when they're locked with the person I least expected to see, like ever. Well, I didn't expect to be here at my home to begin with, let alone with these people.

"Long time no see my darling!" She hugs me and I loosely take her in my arms, dumbfounded to see her again.

"Alys, you too... what are you doing here?" I ask confused.

"She's here help you out." Kay interrupts before she's able to respond. She turns and broadly smiles at him before directing her attention to me again.

She leans over and whispers in my ear. "Just for the record, to them I'm just a member of the Military Police, so you might want to keep your mouth shut when they're around." She says cheerily and I nod, a small smile forming on my lips. She lets go and takes a seat, motioning for me to sit next to her. I've never had six people sitting around my now seemingly small looking table.

"Jonah why are you here?" I ask as I sit down, Kay's hands resting on my shoulders.

"I'll be helping out with the plan." He says stern with determination.

I appreciate it a lot, but I honestly don't want him to help me out, especially with this. Why do they keep offering me a helping hand while all I've been doing is deceiving them, I truly don't understand, but it selfishly does make me happy. Still, I don't want to drag more people into this. "You won't be able to change my mind." He says before I was able to mutter another word.

"I can't accept that." I say just above a whisper, my head hanging low as everyone goes silent.

"Whether you accept the help or not... If you won't, we will." Levi says, leaving no room for me to argue. "Hanji, what did you come up with?" He then glances over to her as she intertwines her fingers and starts to explain.

* * *

"It's too risky." I conclude, not that I can argue or my opinion matters - still it doesn't hold me back from speaking my mind.

"But it's what we'll be doing." Jonah confirms. I guess I'll have to get used to this new side of him, until now everything had been all smiles and jokes but suddenly there's no room for that anymore.

I stand up and stride to the door. "I'm going to take a walk." I say and throw it closed behind me as I faintly hear my name being called.

It's now pitch black outside as the moon and stars are hidden away due the thick dark thunder clouds and rain that is pouring down the heavens. The leaves and branches crunch and crack under my feet as I walk through the woods. I put my hoodie on to shelter myself from the rain. After a five minute fast pace walk I stand before a place I wanted to go to for a while, but had no opportunity to visit so far.

I crouch down to my knees and take April's necklace from my pocket. Kay retrieved it from her lifeless body and gave it to me. That means they've brought it back to the walls and burned it along with all the other fallen soldiers.

I put my hands into the earth and start digging a hole. Before I put it in, I take a last good look at it. I don't even know what it meant to her, but she wore it at all times so it must have its importance. I cover it with earth again and I unfold my hands, letting the heavy raindrops wash away the earth from my fingers.

I glance over to the side where I see an bouquet of wilted flowers, brought by me roughly half a year ago for friends whom I had lost a couple of years back. Don't tell me I'll be sitting here next time for of Kay... or...

I shake my head, trying to shake the thoughts away. Even though I try to protect them with all my might, why am I sitting here, remembering the three people I loved most. Each tragic death is one too many. I'm determined to keep the ones that are still alive here with me even if it costs me my own.

Between the gushing wind and the pouring rain I suddenly notice odd sounds. I sit still as I try to concentrate and now I can clearly hear footsteps coming my way. Cautiously I peer over my shoulder and see Levi approaching.

"I didn't mean to interrupt." He says as he comes to a halt beside me, glancing over to the flowers and freshly dug up earth.

He puts a jacket over my shoulders and instantly I can feel the warmth embrace me as the fabric shelters me from the icy raindrops. Instinctively I tightly grip the material and pull it closer to me.

"Thank you." I mutter, not sure if I was loud enough for Levi to hear.

"Why are you sitting here?" He asks as he crouches next to me.

"To remember the people I have lost over the years." I speak softly but just loud enough for him to make out the words. I've always come alone to this place, nobody knows that I go here from time to time, to clear my mind and cherish the people I love.

"We should probably head back, you're drenched." He says after a moment of silence, I can feel his heavy gaze observe my unsure frame and reluctant I agree. Goosebumps start forming on my skin as the rain now seeps through the coat. I put it on properly as he pulls me up. My knees are covered in mud and my skin underneath is also soaked.

I look up to Levi's face, I had only thought about my own tiredness that I didn't see the bags under his eyes. His hair hangs heavy around his face, seemingly darker because it's wet as the drops fall down to his cheeks.

Without thinking I cup his wet cheek and stroke my thumb over his skin. "You're cold." I think out loud.

He covers his warm hand over mine as he brings it back down. "Don't worry about me." He says and starts walking.

"I wasn't." Quickly I follow him and as we walk back in silence I notice that we both shiver. I only then realize he's not wearing a jacket and I'm wearing his. When another thunder light is visible through the dense leaves I see that there's no dry spot left on his blouse and his abs are even visible because the fabric sticks to him like glue. I shake the coat off and put it around his shoulders. "At least I'm wearing a hoodie." I argue before he gets the chance to protest.

Suddenly he pulls me close, his hands wrapping around my hip, holding me along with his jacket, sheltering us both. "Otherwise we'll both catch a cold."

I huff but don't protest. "If you say so."

Levi walks in front and opens the door as I follow him inside. When I stand at the threshold I hear noises behind me and turn around. Before I realize there's someone here, I'm greeted by a fist. I stumble and fall onto my back in the house as I see a figure standing before me. "Wha-" I begin but my voice dies when the person climbs on top of me, I realize it's Ethan. I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a year now. I blink a few times before I open my mouth to talk but he grabs my neck and slams it to the ground. "It's all your fault!" He yells and punches me in my face.

Levi grabs him by his collar and throws him away from me with ease. When I push myself off the ground I see that Levi has his foot onto his chest. "Who's this brat?" He asks confused, glancing down to him with a frown on his face.

Focused on Ethan I dismiss Levi's question. "Ethan what the fuck are you doing? What is my fault?" I ask confused and irritated.

When Levi realizes I know him he lifts his foot, giving Ethan the space he needs and immediately gets to his feet.

"Don't act stupid, Jaclyn." He hisses, looking hatefully looks at me.

"I'm not someone who plays dumb. Get to the point." I say irritated, still not knowing what he's talking about. He walks over to me and I notice he's holding onto a knife. Levi sees it too and takes a step to take action but I hold my hand up.

"What are you planning to do with that? Kill me?" I ask. "You know you can't win." I say and his grip around it tightens. He swings it at me and I stop him, holding his wrist and turning it up as he lets go. The knife clatters onto the ground and I kick his ankle as he falls onto his back. I get to my knees and grip his throat. When he opens his eyes, tears are streaming uncontrollably. Startled I widen my eyes and slightly loosen my grip.

"It's your fault they're dead! My friends in the underground. You even managed to get April killed!" He yells.

"I didn't kill anybody." I say through gritted teeth, voice low.

"Ethan? Jaclyn what are you doing?" I look up to Kay who just walked into the room. "Where have you been the past few weeks?" He asks confused, gaze directed to the boy lying under me.

Ethan never takes his eyes of me as he talks again. "I sent the letter to Erwin." He softly confesses and the room goes quiet. I let go of him and stare at him with parted lips. I want to say something but decide actions will speak louder than words.

I bawl my fist and punch him across the face. "You better tell me that's a bad joke." I look to him but his face remains the same as he swallows hard.

"Ethan." Kay starts softly. "Why?"

"Because she's the one who brought April in danger!" He answers Kay. "You're responsible for her death!" He shouts to me.

I take the knife he held from the ground and press it against his throat. "If you really fucking believe it is me that killed them, you should handle it with me!" I press harder and he holds both of my hands. "Kay is also in trouble because of you! You fucking idiot! I knew I should've never trusted you." I say and restrain myself from pushing any harder.

"Kay on who's side are you. This bitchs' side that you only know for three years, or me, the person that has always been there for you!" He shouts as his eyes eventually leave mine, looking over to Kay.

"That's enough." Kay says and walks over to us. I take the hint and let his throat go, throwing the knife away as it slides over the ground to the other side of the room.

"Well?" Ethan persistently asks with a threatening tone.

"Don't you fucking dare make him choose! You know very well he loves and cares about you!" I yell as my patients will reach its limit soon.

"I need to hear it from him. Choose me over her." Ethan looks up to Kay.

He seems dubious. "I can't do that." He answers hesitant while I furrow my brows at his answer. He won't lose me if he chooses Ethan over me. I know him, I know he cares about me and I don't need proof unlike this idiot. So why isn't he simply saying what Ethan wants to hear?

"So you choose her, I see." Ethan says calmly and pushes me away as I let him stand up.

When I look to Kay, tears seem to prickle his eyes. Only on the first day I met him have I seen him like this, when three of his friends died. Since then he never wavered once no matter the situation. To think that it's Ethan's fault he's like this makes me flare up with anger.

I'm aware Levi is still in the room and decide to not talk out loud. I walk over to Ethan and slam his body against the wall next to the door. I talk softly so only the two of us are able to hear it. "I won't kill you because Kay will never forgive me if I do. However, get into my way once more and I won't fucking hesitate." I take a step back and give him space to walk out of the door.

Wordlessly he opens it and immediately rain and wind enter the house as thunder booms. "Get out and don't think you can ever step foot in here again." I say and slam the door behind him shut. My eyes remain glued onto the door as I take in everything that has happened. "I'm sorry." I say and turn around. Kay and Levi stand next to the table as they both stare at me with different expressions. I only now realise I'm still dripping wet as drops of rainwater fall from my hair and clothing. Kay throws a towel to my face, I put it over my head and rub it dry as I'm suddenly pulled into a hug. I peek from under the towel and see Kay.

"It's fine, I won't forgive him for this." He whispers and I nuzzle into his chest.

"It's your friend, whatever happens between us has nothing to do with you." I say and he puts his hand over my mouth.

"And I decided I won't forgive him for selling you out." He says and manages a weak smile. "Now I need to prepare things with Hanji, she's waiting outside for me." He kisses me on my forehead and turns to Levi. "Take care of her." He says and Levi nods a single time. Kay leaves and when he shuts the door behind him, it's suddenly quiet again.

I glance over to the ticking clock and realise it's only ten o'clock.

"Do you need anything?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Kay already gave me everything. I'll take a shower." He says and walks up the stairs like he has been living here.

I sit down on the chair and stretch my legs as I let my head fall backwards. I grunt and let a shaky sigh escape my lips. The sound of raindrops falling from my soaked clothing and the ticking of the clock are the only sounds I hear. I try to focus on them and numb out my thoughts, not wanting to think about Ethan, April or the look in Kay's eyes just now.

I stand up and shuffle the few steps towards the kitchen as I absently boil water for some tea, pour myself a mug and sit back down at the table.

According to the plan I'll be sitting here with Levi until Zack contacts me, which won't take too long, of that I'm sure. I bet he's sweating about the situation, afraid of me spilling his little secret.

"Fucks sake." I breath out, looking at the mugs content, staring at my reflection. From all the people, it was Ethan who sent the letter. I'd like to say it doesn't affect me, but his words were like knifes thrown into my heart. He honestly believes the one that's responsible for April's death is me and the fact that he thinks that hurts me more than I'd like to admit. After all even if we weren't close, he and April were. Ethan and I never really got along but I would never sell him out like that, I would also never expect that he'd do it to me. I actually trusted him.

"You'll get sick if you sleep here." I jolt awake from my dazed state and stand up. Levi is standing in the kitchen and preparing himself some tea. Slowly I walk up the stairs. I open the door of the bathroom and it's still foggy from Levi's previous shower. I take off the drenched clothes and step into the shower as I let the warm water run over my skin. I rest my palms against the wall as I lean forward so that my head is directly under the water. I rub my face and try to not think of anything right now. After cleaning my body and shampooing my hair I turn the water off and step out into the cold room. I dry myself and wrap a towel over my head and body as I walk to my bedroom.

I bump against something in the hallway and when I look up I see Levi standing here. I sigh and mutter. "Sorry I wasn't looking." Before I brush past him over to my room.

"Don't apologise, it doesn't suit you." He says. Confused and maybe a little bit annoyed I turn around. "I've heard you say it more times these past few days than the last six months." He adds and disappears into Kay's room.

He must've offered his bed to Levi. I'm glad Kay already took care of everything in advance so now I won't have to do that on top. I remain standing in the hallway and when the drops fall from my hair into a puddle on the ground I realise I've been standing here for a while. In a slow pace I walk over to my room and change into my pyjama shorts and T-shirt. With a groan I fall onto my bed and stare up the ceiling as tears stream down to my ears.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been 19 chapters and so little fluff or smut, I know I know... I was mainly writing this story to better my writing and create a longer story with a plot. But now I want to focus more on the other, lacking part of the fanfic...


	20. Calm before the storm

I sit on my bed leaning against the cold wall behind me, hands tightly gripping my hair as tears escape the corners of my eyes. Endlessly I wipe them away before they're able to complete their path down. This is the first time since April died I have a moment alone, without Jonah in the room or guards on watch outside the cell. I craved privacy, yet dreaded the moment I will be left alone, because then the overwhelming thoughts will possess my mind. My demons, my own fears and doubts haunting me in the dark of the night as I sit alone in the eerily quiet room.

As I once again sit in the house I call home after being away for so long, its like nothing has actually happened. I haven't truly processed anything till this point. Before the painful thoughts would become too much, I would numb them out. But eventually I have to face them, and now in the silence there's no running from it anymore.

April is dead.

I've been sold out by someone I trusted.

Zack himself is trying to lock me behind bars.

With a shaky breath I unsteadily force myself to my feet and walk the few steps, standing before the mirror. I stare at the round glass on top of the drawer. I don't recognize my own reflection. I look worn out, tired with bags under my eyes while they're red and puffy from tears, wet streaks covering my cheeks. I comb my hands though my locks, I can't remember the last time my hair has grown this long, black curly locks falling just over my shoulders.

It is my fault, isn't it? Ethan is right I-

No, it's not. I know it's not my fault, yet I can't shake this feeling that I'm to blame.

Tears gradually add up and fall down to my chin again. "What has happened to you?" I whisper as I look at the woman who stares right back to me. "Pathetic." I say softly as my voice creaks, almost not even audible to my own ears. I bawl my fists and without thinking I smash the mirror to a thousand pieces. I shut my eyes at the deafening sound, falling to my knees as I turn my hand to look at my bloodied fist. Pieces of glass stick out of my skin as blood trails down my hand and to the floor. Abruptly the door swings open, light from the hallway illuminating my frame as Levi stands before me. He looks around the room before his eyes fall on me.

"Sorry if I woke you." I apologize.

I stand up and walk towards the door, ignoring the pain and sound of glass that enters my skin as I walk on the mirror covered floor. My body feels numb, the only pain I sense is my heart that feels like it has been broken into more pieces than the mirror I just shattered.

Before I was able to pass him he stops me by placing his hands on my shoulders. He lifts my chin to look at me as I avert my eyes, to anything but his face. Unable to hold them still, my lips quiver and it feels like I can cry for another half hour.

"Why did you do that?" He asks softly.

"Why?" I repeat, honestly trying to come up with an answer as I forcefully lock my eyes with him. "I can't stand to look at myself."

"You blame yourself for what happened to April?" He asks and when he mentions her name my heart hurts, realizing that in fact I do.

"For one."

"There's more to it?"

"You've got no idea." I breath out.

My mind wanders back to the people I've lost. When thinking back, I did always blame myself for their early deaths. April is the third person close to me I've lost in my life and I don't know if I'll be able to handle much more. If my heart can bear any more losses. The devastating guilt sits heavily on my shoulder and is present at the back of my mind, eating me alive.

He wipes a tear that rolls down and when his finger brushes my cheek, I sharply turn my head away. "Don't touch me." I warn and take a step back, slapping his hand away. His touch feels warm and comforting, yet when he does, I feel like bursting out in tears. He steps towards me and I hold my arms out, keeping a distance between us. I stare down the ground, slightly embarrassed that he sees this other side of me, fragile and weak. He locks his hand behind my back while mine are against his chest, pushing him away. "I said don't touch-" I mutter before he pulls me forward to him. "Me." I mumble to his chest.

When I blink, silent tears make their way down from my red and glossy eyes. I tightly grip Levi's shirt as I let my head fall against his chest. Unlike me, he is calm and his embrace feels safe and secure. "It's only natural to cry, don't try to fight it." He says soothingly and backs away to look at me.

"I don't want to." I sniff, trying to catch my breath.

He holds onto me until I've steadied my breathing. "I'll clean this up for you." He offers and takes my bloodied fist with broken mirror pieces in his. He turns to have a better look at it. Without warning he pulls a large piece of glass out. The pain I didn't feel before now crashes into me all at once as if I just inflicted the wound. I open my mouth to let out a yell of pain but my throat is so sore that no sound passes my lips. "Wait in the bathroom." He says and I nod obediently. As I make my way to it, I leave a bloody trail behind.

I open the bathroom door and flicker the light on, putting the toilet seat down and sit, lifting my foot to look at it.

Just like my fist, glass is stuck in my foot but again, I'm too tired to care or even feel the amount of pain I should sense right now. A minute later Levi enters and pulls a chair in front of me. He lays a tray with all sorts of medical equipment on the tiles as he first pulls out the large pieces, every time I flinch at the sensation.

"How long have you known April?" He suddenly asks and it caught me off guard.

I think as I count up the years. "Um, seven years. Why?"

"What did you like to do together?" He asks and swiftly looks up from my hand.

Confused I think about it and answer. "We used to gaze at the stars whenever there was a clear sky, we would talk all night long." I slightly smile as I think of the memories that hold a special place in my heart and give me a sense of warmth and happiness. "She liked to bake and was happy as long as I enjoyed her creations." I add. I notice the corner of his lips also slightly turn upwards and when he glances at me I quickly look away. "Why did you ask?" I wonder.

"Because just now you weren't focused on the pain. Your hand is already banded up." He says and I hold my hand in front of me to see that indeed, it is wrapped up.

"Your feet." He motions for me to lift it so I can rest it onto his lap. He doesn't even hesitate a second to grab my foot, I know he had a thing for hygiene and cleaning so the fact that it doesn't bothers him brings a faint smile to my face.

Clearing my throat I put on a more serious expression. "Levi." I tentatively start. We haven't properly talked about me, him or the reason I joined Survey Corps. I have no idea where his mind is. What does he think of the situation, the person that's behind it? What does he think of me? Does he resent me, think I'm a bad person? That's something that has been bothering me, since I really do like him. When he confronted me he said he was glad that it was me, he kissed me and reassured me, but I feel like there is still a faint feeling of doubt even though he spoke those words.

"Perhaps it's not my place to say this." He stops and directs his attention towards me. "But I'm sorry to burden you with even more problems. The fact that you had me with an assassination behind your head, that I lied to you." My words gradually soften when I speak the sentence. He looks back down and grabs my right feet when he's done with the left.

"I know there's no point in wishing I could take it back, because I simply can't... I just want you to know I would've never done it if I knew what you were like, and that's not because I got caught. You don't deserve this. Even right now I'm bothering you more with my thoughtless acts." I sigh. I haven't said this much at once to Levi ever since I met him. I might not reach his ears but I had this weird need to get it off my chest, so I'm glad I put my pride aside and told him anyways.

"I don't forgive you." He says flatly.

My heart sinks, leaving me with a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't expect him to, but somewhere I stupidly had hoped he would, to some extent. "I understand." I mutter and glance down again.

"Because I never blamed you for it, there's nothing I have to forgive."

I frown, both relieved and confused I look up to him. "I guess I'll never know what goes on in that head of yours." I weakly smile. "But, why?"

His eyes pierce into mine. "I don't blame you for doing everything in your power to survive." He explains. "I know what it's like Jaclyn, do you _really_ regret you took on this job?" His fingers lift my chin so I look straight at him.

"I... I do. In the end I do." I stammer.

"You're not stupid. If you had the money to sustain you and your friends you wouldn't have taken on the job, right? I know you wouldn't do it for reasons like greed for money. Your choices have kept you alive and out of the underground." He says while studying my face, making sure every words sinks in. I slowly absorb his words that mean a lot to me. I'm lost for words as he continues treating my foot, he's doing some finishing touches on the bandage as I have trouble keeping, once again, my tears away.

"What are you crying for?" He says startled. "Did I upset you just now?"

"No." I chuckle through broken sobs, wiping my face dry. "The opposite of that. To me it was a rule to never accept help from anyone, because you'll be in a dept and they'll come to you one day and you will have to repay them. That's why I couldn't stand you being nice to me, giving me a private lesson, rescuing me from a Titan, fixing my clothes. I figured one day you would use these things against me. That was my insecurity." I murmur.

"Whatever I do for you, I do it because I want to. I'll never expect anything in return." He makes sure I heard that clearly as I hesitantly nod. He's done with bandaging my feet and tells me to stand. Before it didn't, but right now when I stand my feet hurt. Nothing I can't handle though, it should be over soon. "You can still walk?" He asks and I nod.

"I walk as if it's my first fucking time though." I say as I hold the walls for support and waggle along the hallway. When I look back I see Levi leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, a chuckle escaping his lips, lightning his features and so do mine at the sight. "I'm happy I'm able to amuse you." I say sarcastically.

He laughs as he shakes his head. He pushes himself off the wall and walks down the stairs. "I'll get something to clean your room." He says and disappears downstairs. When I put foot in my room I cautiously walk around tiptoeing, making sure I don't stand on any glass again.

I climb onto my bed as I see Levi walking up the stairs again with a broom, making sure all the glass is gone from the floor and picks up the other pieces that are scattered across the floor. I watch him work as he's focused on getting everything clear. "You look cute in Kay's pajama." I tease as he throws me an irritated look.

"That boy is so damn tall." He curses softly. Hanji will bring his clothes soon but until then he will have to wear Kay's clothes, they're at least two sizes too big. He puts the broom in the corner. "I'm going back to bed." He says as he walks over to the door.

"Levi." I stop him and he peers over his shoulder. "Would you mind staying here?"

"No. That would be troublesome." He says and doesn't explains himself further.

"Troublesome?" I repeat. "You mean... you don't want to?" I say reluctant, immediately regretting asking. "Never mind. Goodnight." I say and climb under the covers as I lay with my back to him. "Please close the door as you leave." I say and snuggle under the blanket, face pressed into the pillow.

I hear the door softly close as I let out a sigh. I shriek when the covers are pulled up, the warmth my body created gone in an instant, but replaced by another warm body. I smile to myself and turn around and see him lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes reflecting the little light that enters the room. It must be midnight by now I guess. Wordlessly I move closer and let my arm rest across his stomach as my face lightly leans on his chest. "Thank you." I whisper after a while, not bothering to check if he's still awake to hear it. I listen to his steady heartbeat as I drift into a peaceful sleep myself.


	21. Save Me

The purple glow at the horizon illuminates the curtains as they dance above the wooden floor. Dawn blossoms on the horizon, yet another beginning of a new day. Sunbeams stretch across the room, now reaching the bed as the sun arises above the hills, climbing further into the light clouded sky.

When the burning light blinds my vision, I groan at the intrusion and snuggle closer against the warm body next to mine, my hand across his stomach and head against his chest. A feeling of peace and serenity nestles inside me as I listen to the chirping of the birds on this early morning.

But it's short lived, because life, unfortunately, doesn't take a break. I don't have the luxury of time. I'm in my own house, in my own bed but still a prisoner- to a certain extend. This new day will once again rob me from my peace and throw me into an never ending abyss of questions and doubts, worries and stress. Thoughts about _what next_ and _what if_.

But I can't let that stop me now, can I? All of this pain I'm dealing with are mostly _just_ thoughts, toxic thoughts that cause me to shatter a mirror at night, cry like I've never done before. I open my eyes again and stare at the blankets that holds our heat, watching it rise and fall in rhythm with Levi's breaths. I've come this far, I've got people who got my back and will protect me, support me endlessly like they've shown time and time again. I can't let them get to me, so if I'll just think positive thoughts...

I glance up to Levi, watching his relaxed face and closed eyes, appearing deceptively younger than usual. His breaths are steady and soft, in and exhaling through his nose. I sit up straight and lean against the wall as the cold air in the room immediately causes goosebumps across my arms, but I hum in pleasure as the breath of fresh air cools my hot cheeks.

The room now glows from the morning sun, and the tiny broken mirror pieces that still lie scattered around the floor glisten brightly in the room. I look over to the top of the drawer where the mirror used to stand, now I'm greeted by a dull white wall. Once again I look over to Levi as he meets my gaze.

"What is it?" He asks before I even registered that I was staring right into his eyes and he is looking back.

"You're awake?" I asked surprised. I almost want to face palm myself, because _obviously_ he's awake.

Luckily he doesn't comment on it, I'm sure the early hour is to blame. "Quite a while." He says, his voice much clearer than mine, confirming that in fact he was. He sits up straight and lifts his brow, probably waiting for an answer to his question. "You've been staring out the window for a while."

I shake my head as I faintly smile. "The storm has passed." I say softly. The thought suddenly occurs. "I haven't seen the blue sky in days." I think out loud, not necessarily directing it to Levi nor answering his question with it. Can't even remember what it was about as I stare out the small window, the clouds rolling by as the sun climbs. "Slept well?" I look back at him again to see that he now sits at the edge of the bed.

"Surprisingly well." He says smug, meeting my eyes as a grin marks his face. I squint my eyes at him but his grin only increases as he stands up and heads towards the door.

"Me too." I yawn as I let myself fall back on the bed, watching him walk out of the room as he peers over his shoulder to me a last time.

* * *

"And you're not bored out of your mind?" I whine as I lie with my face flat against the kitchen table, watching Levi dust op the house.

"If you're that bored, you could help clean up your own house." He stops to look at me and then glances around with a broom in his hand. "It's dirty."

"It's not a priority right now." I sigh as I lean my head against the palm of my hand. "Besides." I begin before I let myself fall back to the table again. "It would bore me even more."

He doesn't comment but simply gets back to work. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without him. My own house became my own prison and I don't know how I feel about that. What did I do before to kill time? This house used to be noisy and busy, filled with chattering and laughter. April was a handful on her own, but one that surely entertained me. "Walking." I murmur to myself. I used to wander outside, discovering new places as I would stroll through the forest and alongside the lake. Something as boring as walking is my hobby, I realize. Maybe it's because I've been denied access to walk on the earths soil for so long and had to stare up at it instead, that now when able to walk freely, I find so much gratification and happiness in it.

Abruptly, my new record of staring at nothing is interrupted as something is thrown into my face. I pull it away and lean my elbows on the table top. "My vest?" I ask confused as I look up to Levi.

"You want to go outside, right?" He questions as he already stands by the door. "What are you waiting for?"

With the vest in my hands I stand up, eying him doubtfully. "Are you sure that's okay? What if-"

"If something happens we'll deal with it then." He interrupts me. "Hurry before I change my mind." He opens the door and is the first to leave.

But what if Zack comes? I want to ask. Someone is supposed to stay here, for he surely wants to contact me. And since I can't go anywhere without him, means that I'm not allowed to leave at all.

I unfold the vest and put it on, running after Levi as I reach his side. Not today, I decide. I won't let the what now and what ifs ruin this day. Positive thoughts, I think to myself as I look over to Levi and offer him a smile of gratitude. "Thank you." I say and hook my arm around his. He looks at me clinging to him but let's me do a I please.

We walk in absolute peace among the trees on the pristine path. Time passed slowly with nothing to do, but walking in the woods makes me forget about all the events for a while. The grass dances in the wind as the amber leaves decorate the soil before us, twigs snapping under the weight of our feet. I inhale deeply as the earthy scent reaches my nostrils.

"You seem to enjoy this more than I thought you would." He comments.

"Does it surprise you?"

"I think I understand better than most people." He shrugs.

"Then..." I run a few steps so I stand before him and walk backwards, tilting my head slightly. "That means you enjoy our little stroll too?" I ask teasingly. He doesn't answer, but the way he averts his eyes and how the _faintest_ of smiles appears, tells me that in fact he does. "You could do a better job at lying than that." I say as I come to a halt.

"Who says I was trying to." He does a step forward and suddenly stands close to me.

"Oh?" I grin. "Then properly answer my questions for once." I remark and turn around, walking the route I know that leads to the lake.

We walk side by side but I lead the way, obviously knowing this area better than him. I leave the flat surface behind and turn to the dense vegetation of the forests as we now walk upwards, climbing the hill. I swiftly peer over my shoulder to see that Levi, without complaint, follows me. "It'll be worth it." I encourage him, just in case for if he might have doubts about taking me outside in the first place. I want him to enjoy it too.

When we reach the top slightly out of breath, I nudge his shoulder. "Not bad." He comments as we stare at the gorgeous lake, surrounded by mountains and fire red trees. The still water becoming like a glistening mirror of the sun. Not bad... I've heard him say it before, to him it's probably an equivalent to 'beautiful' though he never seems to directly admit even these simple things.

He takes a seat on a rock near the lake, watching me absent-mindedly of our surroundings throwing stones in them. "Is five times the best you can do?" He refers to the bouncing of the rocks onto the water.

"What? You can do better?" I challenge him as I hold out a flat rock.

"I can't."

"So after all there is _something_ I'm better at." I cheer sarcastically and roll my eyes, going for another attempt but the stone sinks after the fifth time once again as I groan at my failure. "I still want to beat you in a fight though." I crouch down and search for more, collecting a small amount of rocks.

"Then fight me." He now challenges me and even though he says it lightly as if it's a joke, I can detect the provoking tone.

"I don't feel like f-" I let the little collection I gathered fall as I lean back to avoid his fist, I gasp as I lose my balance and hold onto his arm. Relief lasts only a second because the next thing I know is Levi tumbling after me onto the ground. Slowly I open one eye to peek through, seeing that Levi hovers above me as he supports my neck, holding it from touching the ground. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

"Brings back memories doesn't it." He smirks, slowly letting my head rest onto the ground. "What was it that you said back then?"

I blink in confusion but quickly come to realize what he means, hinting to our first 'fight' quite some time ago. "Wasn't it something like; I'm here to take away your oh so famous title, captain humanity's strongest?" I recall the memory before I burst out laughing. "I genuinely thought I was going to win our first fight." I admit.

"I greatly underestimated you back then." He says.

"So did I." I breath out as I stare into his nearly black orbs, losing myself in them for a moment. His hands caress my cheek and I look to the side as I lean into his touch and plant a soft kiss onto the palm of his hand.

"You never failed to amaze me from that moment on." He slowly leans closer, never breaking eye contact as his lips hoover over mine.

I feel the heat rush to my cheeks and my heart picking up speed at his words and the closeness right now. I don't trust my own voice, instead I intertwine my fingers behind his neck and push him down further so our lips fully meet.

Like I remembered from that night, his lips are surprisingly soft and warm, but unlike that time, this kiss isn't rushed or rough, coated in want and need.

His glide over mine as he captures my bottom lip between his, a hot tongue tracing over them. We look at each other with half-lidded eyes but I close them when he softly bites my lip. For a split second I let myself go as a soft moan escapes my lips and into his mouth. My hands that were locked behind his head loosen and I run my fingers through his undercut and into his hair as I slightly pull at it involuntary as a response to him exploring the insides of my mouth. It almost feels as if I'm going to melt in his burning touch, his hand still softly caressing my cheek. I try to suppress it with all my might, but I can't help but smile against his lips. As he pulls away, an earnest smile graces his lips as well. I gasp when he open mouthed kisses my neck, gently sucking the skin as I whimper from his sudden newfound affection.

_This new day will once again rob me from my peace._

That's what I had thought this morning, but this day spent with Levi couldn't have been spent better. Today fills me with new hope for the future, I must not forget what happiness feels like among the darkness that has been surrounding me. Better times are coming, I just need to hold on and overcome them.

I throw my leg over him and turn our positions around. I'd better stop now before we take this any further. "You let your guard down." I say as I sit on top of him, my hands resting on his chest and pressing him down to the ground.

"No need for that." He smiles and stares up the sky that is now beautifully coloured in orange as the clouds take in the hue from the sun setting at the horizon. I let go of my hold and instead blindly search the floor until I find his hand and tightly grab it, squeezing it a single time as we intertwine our fingers.

I'm sure I can't say it enough times, and I won't stop saying it. "Thank You." I whisper, resting my face onto his chest as we're surrounded by nothing but nature.

* * *

Days pass slowly, but I have to admit being with Levi alone even day after day isn't that bad. I do enjoy this time of tranquillity. Our days are spent talking, even though he does the questioning and I do the speaking most of the time, he seems to enjoy himself as well. Of course, still not openly admitting that yet.

After the first night he slept beside me, I didn't have to ask twice. He would crawl next to me and let me snuggle into his comforting embrace. Things aren't awkward or tense between us in the slightest which was something I feared. He made it clear, he doesn't hold anything against me for which I am beyond grateful.

It has been a week since I'm stuck inside my own home. I'm not permitted to leave but I don't complain. Right now, my live is in danger, Zack might come to snatch me away from the Survey Corps or perhaps he will go straight after Levi.

A soft knock on the door wakes me up from a nap I didn't know I took at the dinner table. I lay with my arms on it, face pressed against the wood. I groan and sleepily sit straight up as I turn my stiff neck and roll my shoulders. I glance over to the clock, seeing its just after four. Levi said he would be back at three, he must've been busy I guess. When I hear another knock, this time louder I get to my feet. "Yes yes I'm coming." I mumble as I shuffle over to the front door, seeing the drizzle that has been going on all day hasn't stopped yet. Quickly I open the door to let him in. I blink a few times dumbfounded when I see a familiar face, but its not Levi's to my surprise. Instantly I recognize him as the man from the night at the 'party', the one Levi beat up for me.

After a few seconds of silence I regain my composure and look at him full of resentment, remembering his actions, his hands exploring my body. "What do you want?" I spit hatefully. I'm tense since I do not know the reason he's here for. If he wanted to capture or kill me he could've surprised me just now but he looks more relaxed than should be, considering he's at _my_ door and I can't help but stare with a murderous intent.

"You're not letting me in?" He smiles and I try my best not to roll my eyes, or rather punch him in the face.

"No. What business do you have here?" I demand an answer as I glance over his shoulder, seeing two more men standing further away next to a carriage with horses.

"Well then, here you go." He hands over an envelope that is sealed with a stamp. "It's a message from Ross, don't worry too much about it." He laughs devilish and starts to walk away.

"I won't." I murmur and tear it open, I step back inside when the raindrops reach the letter in my hand. I read every word closely but so far dismiss everything as unimportant, or rather expected. I'm about to sigh of relief as I near the end of the letter, but then my eyes widen with shock, followed by anger.

_Disobey and Kay Andreasen is done for._

I crumble the paper as I bawl my fist but I'm stopped as someone gently unfolds them. "Mind letting me read that?" Levi stands in front of me as he eyes me apologetically. I nod and hand it over to him as we both walk inside, closing the door behind us and making sure to lock it.

Levi reads the letter within minutes as he huffs and let's it fall onto the table. "You're not worrying about the last sentence are you?" He ask confused. "He's safe with Hanji." He reassures me.

"I know." I answer shortly, standing up and walking towards the kitchen where I put on the kettle to boil water.

"So..." He suddenly stands next to me. "Then what is it?" He turns and lowers his head a bit to look at me directly.

I look at him, contemplating whether I should tell or not. "The person who came to bring this." I start reluctant and sigh, shaking my head before I look up to him again. "Not only will he be killed, he will make sure you'll see it." I repeat the man's words he spoke before he left. "He was referring to you." I let my head hang down again. "They know there's something more."

Levi cups my face and pulls me into a hug, planting a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'll be fine, you should be more worried about yourself." He faintly smiles.

"You're not invincible." I say softly, letting my head rest onto his shoulder.

"You think you can do it?" He asks after a few moments of silence.

"Meet Zack?" I look up to him and glance back at the letter lying on the table. "Seems like he still wants to me do it, he probably needs me, even now." I pull away and look directly into Levi's eyes as its now my turn to detect worry in his. "I'll be fine. I can do it."


	22. Return

"In here." The man motions to the broad wooden door on our right. I tilt the handle and throw it open, inspecting the room closely before cautiously stepping in. The silence in the room is so great that I almost feel like tiptoeing my way in, considering the fact I'm in the enemy's territory.

It's part of the plan, I repeat to myself every time a doubtful thought reaches the surface. Still, I can't help but feel like I made the wrong move - or rather followed the wrong command. Like I voluntarily walked right into my own death trap.

As I reach the center of the room, the door closes behind me with an unnecessarily loud bang at which I flinch. With a sigh I keep on walking, realizing the man just closed the door, nobody had entered yet. Zack hasn't entered yet.

I observe the spacious room, a bedroom, since there's a king size bed standing before the large window. It's tidy and clean and looks as if no one actually sleeps here. Expensive looking paintings and mirrors occupy the white walls as statues decorate the rest of the room. A huge chandelier hangs from the ceiling and crystals reflect the afternoon sun as the dots light up the place. It's gorgeous but I can't afford to drop my guard and stare in awe. Impatiently I tap my feet as what feels like minutes of silence pass by with no sign of Zack. I wonder if the other part of plan worked out, because if not, I'm in deep shit, and that would be an understatement.

Mixed feelings surge inside me as they rock back and forth like a wave. First anger is present, I bawl my fists at the thought of Zack who will meet me any moment here in this room. Anger washes away as a new wave of uneasiness settles inside me, causing my heart to beat unnaturally fast, seeing that I'm standing still. I hear the seconds of the clock almost soundlessly tick by as I in rhythm tap my finger against my leg.

The moment I decide to sit on the edge of the soft bed, the door swings open. "I've been told I have a guest." He smirks as he enters the room. I close my eyes in annoyance, all anger and anxiousness fading away as irritation is most present now. I know he's not stupid, he thinks things through before acting, but I can't help thinking he's an actual idiot. I'm sure Dominic is the smarter one.

"You invited me. Get to the point." I say, not letting something as insignificant as emotions break my already thin front.

Last time I laid my eyes on him was at the trial, where he demanded me behind bars for as long as I live, locked up to rot away, forgotten by the world to never see the daylight again.

Now he stands before me, beaming like a fool as if none of that had happened. It takes every ounce of self control I posses to not run up to him and wrap my fingers around his neck so I can close his air pipe. Oh how I want this man out of my life.

"You know." He starts as he walks over to me and stops before the bed I sit on. Not liking where this is going I quickly stand up, but when I do he immediately pins me down again, his hands on my shoulders pushing me into the mattress. "Your face is pretty cute." He swipes the hair away from my face as I look at him, my eye twitching. "But your eyes are quite frightening."

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I ask as calmly as I'm capable of right now, voice dripping with venom as I grit my teeth.

"Your foul mouth really ruins the image." He sighs. His expression went from nearly wanting to kiss me, to a face full of frowns and I grin at that. "Ah, right there. You should smile more." He says and leans in. I grab his neck and with a tight squeeze push him away from me as I stand up and brush past him.

"Get to the fucking point already." I spout annoyed. He's just playing with me, and I can't stand being played with. It annoys me how easily he gets to me, and my blood boiled within a matter of seconds.

"Alright then." He sits down on a king like chair and grabs a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He puts one in his mouth and motions for me to take one, when I shake my head he lights his and tucks it away again. His composure went from idiotic and devilish to serious like I haven't seen from him before, so after all it is possible. He inhales deeply and let's the smoke linger from his mouth before he continues. "I'll keep things short. Unfortunately I was the one chosen to do your case at court." He shrugs and an apologetic smile marks his face. "Now, if you successfully complete the job I will arrange a hideout place for you." He doesn't beat around the bush and _surprisingly_ gets to the point right away.

"Hideout?" I snort. "I'm not going to live as a fugitive." I state as I sit down opposite from him, arms and legs crossed. I knew he wanted me to finish the job I took on, but I didn't think he would offer me an 'escape' now that authorities got involved.

"Whether you kill Levi or not, you can't avoid a prison sentence. The Survey Corps can't offer you such a deal." He inhales sharply and locks his eyes with me. "No matter what they promised you, It's futile." I lower my brows at his words, calculating them and his expression.

"Is that all?" I ask.

"I said I would keep it short, but I got more matters to discuss with you." He presses the cigarette out as he then grabs something. "I got the final stage of your job written in detail." He throws a envelope on my lap that contains surely more than a few papers.

"You wrote in detail how you want me to kill him?" I say with disgust, frowning my brows, not even wanting to know what he precisely has written out for me. Partially because if Zack had been quicker, I would've followed his instructions without a second thought, simply carrying out orders I would be paid for. And if all would've gone well, _I doubt that knowing Levi_ , he would be a dead man, and I might be as well. Being paid for Levi's death... I shudder at the thought. I simply don't want to face what I could've done, how cowardly that might be, I don't want to face facts.

"I won't do it." I affirm strongly.

Zack presses his second lit cigarette out and leans his head on his fist. He appears unimpressed, not puzzled for the slightest as he looks at me with half lidded eyes. "Somehow I predicted this would happen." He sighs. "Why, don't you realize it's the Survey Corps that took the life of your precious friend?"

There it goes. My already crumbled wall falters completely as I clench my jaw painfully. Anger seeps through the cracks as I look up to him with murderous eyes, because that's what I want to do right now, kill this bastard and have him gone **for** **good**.

"I'll kill both that runt and Kay, is what you told me not too long ago, remember Zack?" I spit his name and clench my teeth, not trusting myself once I let my mouth run loose.

"Only if you disobey my orders." He adds, amused by my reaction he obviously tried to provoke and easily succeeded at doing so.

My fingers itch, wanting to collide my fist with his face, but my thoughts are interrupted when the door opens and two more men enter the room. Mentally I calm myself down and inhale deeply before setting eyes on him again. I focus on him but keep close watch to the two men who entered the room and almost unnoticeable make their way behind me, out of my sight. That moment I turn my head, sensing the bad feeling of their presence.

Immediately I'm punched against my temple, catching me off guard. I notice a second too late that they grab both of my wrists, now tying them against my back and around the chair.

"What's the meaning of this." I say as I squirm in the hold of the ropes, noticing they're not tightly fastened as the men disappear out of the room, leaving us alone once again.

Zack stands up and walks over to me, sitting on the armrest, eying me with what looks like pity. "Nobody will believe a criminal from the underground. See, I need you." He strokes my cheek and tucks loose strands of curly hair behind my ear. "You were the only one to accept this job and probably are one of the few who can pull it off." He say with a low voice, lifting my chin to face him. "Be a good girl." He whispers and stands up again, sauntering around the room as he rests his hands behind his back.

I cringe at those words coming from his mouth and decide not to answer. What he fails to realize is that my reason not to do this, is because I don't want to end Levi's life. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to _lose_ him.

After April's death I was struck again by the realization of how fragile human life is. It takes one bullet, one fatal wound, one fall to end someone's life. After a life full of sinning and killing, I now protest against it. Not that it can make up for all I've done, but the man in the courtroom was right; killing Levi would be a threat to humanity because he gives his all while I just take lives to save my own, but not anymore.

While he is absentmindedly strolling around the room in deep thought, I concentrate on getting the ropes from my wrists. I turn and pull, working my way out of them as I have my eyes glued onto Zack who astonishingly, and suspiciously, doesn't seem to suspect a thing. I breathe out a sigh of relief when the ropes softly fall to the ground. I sit up straight and grab the knife behind my back, waiting for the moment he turns his back to me again.

Not even a second after I stand up he already turned back around. This time with a gun pointed at me. "You thought you could make a move?"

My eyes widen and mouth slightly parts. He knew? A moment later I squint my eyes at him as anger returns again. He must be doing this on purpose. Acting all innocent and dumb, like he's oblivious to it all. Meanwhile he's sharper and has things planned out better than I thought. I've been underestimating him from the start, haven't I?

"Just let me go." I say as I tighten my grip on the knife. "I won't talk to anyone about your fucked up plans. After all, I'm _just_ a girl from the underground, right?" I mock using his own words against him, and he doesn't seem entertained by the attitude change.

For once he is the one to remain silent before he calls the men back in who had just left the room.

I bite my lip in frustration. He won't let me leave, not unless I agree, which I clearly won't do. I contemplate my options. Running won't be a choice, not until I get ordered to do so at least. So I'll have to rule that out. But his good nature won't last forever either and neither does mine. Patience is running low and it's tangible in this now all of a sudden seemingly cramped room.

I can feel a headache build up at the confronting decision making. Thinking isn't my best trait anyways. So fuck it. Sometimes you have to take a gamble.

I swing my hand forward and throw the knife right at him, hitting him in his arm. Not wasting any time I run past him but the deafening sound of the gun causes me to freeze and seems to pause time as well. A bell-like noise rings loudly in my ears as I halt in my movements.

Was I shot?

I can't tell if I'm in pain or not, the adrenaline in my body causes me to feel a million things at once and a sense of hurting is one of them. Hesitant I look down, looking myself over but to my relief find no blood splattered around me.

It's as if time kicks right back in when a second later the door flies open and the two men come running in. When they glance over to Zack, seeing him wounded with a weapon stuck in his arm they turn to me. Roughly they drag me back, away from him and back onto the chair. The ropes that lie disregarded on the ground used once more to tie me up, this time pulling it hard enough that I curse at the constriction, the material almost cutting my skin open.

"Call a doctor." Zack commands and one of the men disappears. He grabs a chair and pulls it opposite of me as he sits down. He takes a glimpse of his injury on his arm and the vivid crimson tainted blouse that continues to soak up the flowing blood before he eyes me again.

"I missed on purpose." He informs me as I raise my brow. "Because right now, you're important to me. I just need you to do this one thing." His hand trails along my face as he closes even more distance between us, making sure our eyes are locked. "And then I'll let you go, that's a promise. Just tell me what it is that you want in return." He slumps back into his seat and studies me carefully.

It's not as if his fucking promises or whatsoever have any value to me. I don't believe nor do I trust him and I'm sure as hell he doesn't trust me either. So even if we ever miraculously come to any sort of agreement, it is nothing but a fruitless attempt. I'm sure we both came to realize that at this point in time.

Before I can reply, a woman walks in backwards while holding something. Zack tore his eyes off me and walks up to her, undoing his shirt and poking the red skin as she without question gets to work. The female stands with her back to me as she efficiently cleans up his quite deep cut I inflicted. I grin at the fact that I was able to pull that off, though I'm slightly worried that I've been treated nice, too sweet for someone who has just wounded him like that. If his patience wasn't running low I'm sure it has surpassed his boundary by now. "Thank you Ilse." He says when she finished.

"I hate to ask. " He points to me as I let out a faint huff. "But could you also treat her wounds." He looks over to me and so does the lady.

A chill runs up my spine as I let out a shaky breath. It feels as if my heart has stopped right this instant, my chest feeling heavy and tight like it will break and burst under the weight of emotions. For some stupid reason I want to cry. The dark haired woman walks up to me and hunches down to my eye level. "This could take a while, why don't you take a break while I treat her?" She suggests and surprisingly he agrees without question.

The wounds I have are not even inflicted today, they merely reopened from the harsh way they treated me, is all, I think but keep my mouth shut. Not that I will be capable of muttering a single word intelligibly now, I think.

"She's tied up but has creative ways to break out, so watch your back." He warns and leaves the room, shutting the door behind his back as the other man followed him onto the hallway.

All this time my eyes never left her face. All of a sudden I feel so insecure, penetrable and vulnerable, a hundred emotions striking me all at once as I sit powerless with my hands tied behind my back. Betrayal and anger is most present, overwhelming the hurt like darkness absorbs the light, leaving no room for it to shine.

I clench my fist behind my back painfully as I stare into these familiar yet strangers eyes. "Ilse Hillard?" I speak and she turns around the moment I let my voice be heard.

She stares at me wide eyed, her mouth gaping open and closed like the words are stuck on her tongue. Tears form in her eyes as she remains silent, soft whimpers escape as she tries to muffle them with her hand. After swallowing hard she once more attempts to talk, the words barely audible. "Is it... you?"

I think my words over before I speak, knowing that a _certain someone_ is here to hear, if not also see everything.

"What? Don't even remember what your own daughter looks like?" I spit and turn my head away, hiding it from her view as I bite my stupid tears away. Why do I feel like crying? She left me, she and Evan, so called parents, left me like it was nothing, like I was trash.

Yet the look on her tear stained face hurts me, how dare she look at me like that; like she's glad, relieved, almost _happy_ to see me alive and well.

I gasp and sit up straight as she sinks to her knees in front of me, tears now spilling as she rests her head onto my lap, shaking uncontrollably. "Jaclyn... Jaclyn it's you!" She mutters between broken sobs, now looking up to meet my eyes.

I hate to admit it, but she resembles me- or I resemble her. Watery hazel brown orbs lock onto mine as I study her appearance. A slim oval face, full lips, long lashes that grace her eyes as the faintest of wrinkles surrounds them. Curled dark brown, almost black hair falls to her shoulders as a warm, welcoming smile grows on her lips.

"Tch." I avert my eyes to the other end of the room, staring at some painting as I speak, secretly afraid that if I look at her any longer, I'll break. "Undo my ties." I don't ask but order, voice cold as I regain my hard demeanour for my own sake. I don't look directly at her, but I see her eyes widen as she backs off.

"What?!"

"My hands are tied up, undo them." I repeat.

"I... I can't!" She desperately almost yells. While I mentally curse and sigh, it's what I had expected. It was worth the try, but my mother is still the weak, indecisive woman she had always been. Abandoning me back then and right now, painfully again.

"You're going to leave me again?!" I accidentally shout, never meaning to raise my voice as I tear my gaze from the painting and back to her.

I can only guess that this isn't how she expected our mother-daughter reunion to go, if she ever expected one to begin with, because I sure as hell didn't. Let alone here, right now under the worst possible circumstances.

"If you're trying to be a mother, acting as if you're happy to see me, then help me!" I mean every single word leaving my lips while trying to influence her motherly feelings, if she still has those for me after all these years.

"You can never make it up to me." I confess softly, probably shattering her last hope of doing so before my voice gradually increases again. "But at least do one thing in your lifetime as a good mother and get me out of here!" I shout to her face while tears prickle my eyes, biting down my lip and trying my hardest to not let them fall.

Tears leak from her eyes, faster than before as she looks at me with quivering lips. After a moment of silence she slowly shakes her head, muttering, "I can't." over and over. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, along with my last chance of getting out of here without too much trouble.

"Then just clean up my wounds." I sigh in defeat and lean my head back over the edge of the chair. "Useless." I almost soundlessly mutter.

How come my friends won't hesitate to save me, even if it means risking their own lives, but my own parent can't. I glance down at her in disappointment when I think about how she has treated me, or actually didn't treat me, because she was never there to begin with. How she and dad had left me behind to die without ever seeing the outside world.

She wordlessly gets to work and gently passes each wound, even the little ones that don't need attention. "You're wasting time on those." I referred to the scratches on my hand. I peer over my shoulder to see her staring at them and softly brushing them with her fingers.

"I don't expect you to forgive me... us. Words cannot explain how sorry we are Ja-"

"That's enough." I interrupt her with a groan. I can't take it. I want to believe them, forgive her, but whatever reason she had I know I won't be able to. I can't forgive her for all those nights I've been crying, longing for my mothers embrace, only to find myself alone and cold in the dark.

I mentally curse myself at my thoughts.

"Levi. Now what?" I shake the feeling of sadness and bring myself back to the here and now, deciding that she won't tell anyone he'd be here.

The large wooden closet to my right opens and Levi reveals himself. "Are you alright?"

"Not important right now." I say even though I'm a mess, both mentally and physically. Seeing my mother again after all these years causes an ache in my chest. I'm angry but also happy to see she's doing okay and bloomed into a beautiful woman. Still weak as ever, but that doesn't matter right now, I've seen her and she is doing just fine. "By any means we need to get out of here, you got your proof so do something." I say harsher than I intended. "Please." I add with pleading eyes as he nods a single time.

Voices are audible again on the hallway and Levi just in time hides before the door opens and Zack returns.

"Is everything done Ilse?" He asks, the two other men standing beside him.

"I finished." She walks from behind and stands before me, hands behind her back - holding onto a knife. Don't tell me... she's planning to make a move against them.

A dreadful feeling settles inside me, heart beating faster, rapidly thinking of ways, ways to stop her doing something she will regret, or maybe even get her killed.

"Don't do it, you'll get a nosebleed." I mock loud enough for only her to hear, but her fingers tighten around the blade in determination as they also shake uncontrollably. If she wanted to help me out she could've just cut the rope and tell them I escaped. Not only was she being weak, her way of thinking is also as illogical as can be.

I close my eyes and fill my lungs with one deep breath, mentally apologising, but it's for her own good. When I part my lids again I talk. "I don't care about you. Go away and don't you ever dare show your face again in front of me."

Her fingers that gripped the handle for dear life slowly loosen. It is working. Zack however, furrows his brows and walks a few steps forward. "What is she talking about?" He lets the question linger in the air, directing it to no one in particular.

"I bet she's just crazy." One of the men said.

A lonely drop travels the short path down to my chin before it drops onto my lap. "Now fuck off!" I shout and the whole room was suddenly quiet.

I was breathing hard, tears stinging my eyes. I glance up, before I saw it coming a fist headed my way, colliding with my cheek.

"Shut up." One of the men said and blew me another punch to the stomach as I hunch over and restrain myself from letting any sounds leave my lips.

I looked up and see Ilse - mom, standing behind Zack, eyeing me like any mother would, seeing their daughter beaten and tied up with tear stained cheeks. But my eyes are cold, distant from any emotions that twirl inside.

I speak before I make sure our eyes are locked, glued onto hers. "Go to hell." I say at last, removing all her doubt in the moment.

Zack raises his brow in question, oblivious to who I directed the words and am related to. The next moments were all a blur, pain spread through my body as the men decided to shut my foul and talkative mouth before I'd spout any more nonsense. I came back to my senses when I fall to the ground, the ropes that held me back being cut. I hold myself up with my hands. I wipe my bloodied mouth, my throat is burning and my head pounding as if someone's beating onto it with a hammer.

"Will you do it?" Zack stands before me with his arms crossed, looking down on me.

My breathing calms down and I manage to stand up. The two men take a step towards me but Zack stops them, holding his hand up. I forcefully put one foot after the other and after a few painful steps I stop in front of him, leaning forward so that my mouth is besides his ear. "Go. To. Hell." I step back and continue. "Kill him yourself."

He parts his lips, but no sound passes through. He then scratches the back of his head. "You're a pain in the ass Jaclyn."

"So I've been told."

"Gail, Lance." He speaks as the two look up. "Make sure she joins us." He says with a smirk, placing a cigarette between his lips before lighting it.

"Why won't you fight me yourself?" I manage to say with the little bite I have left.

"I don't hit women." He shrugs and grins, inhaling the toxins as he motions for them to charge at me, and they seem more than ready to carry out their orders.

"Coward." I huff before glancing around me. In my current state I won't hold out for long and Levi can't reveal himself or all the plans will fall into ruins. My body craves rest so bad, rest for the body and mind.

Two knocks on the door interrupt the moment as everybody faces the door which almost immediately opens afterwards, revealing a girl behind it. "Excuse me, Zack Ross?" She speaks in a soft voice. She has thick black hair and bangs, her face remains hidden as she glances down. She hasn't noticed me yet. Maybe, if she sees me...

I part my lips to speak but the words die on my tongue when I see she wears the Military Police uniform. More importantly, she's handing a gun over to Zack. He gladly takes a hold of it, turning it to have a good look at it. "Good, very good." He smiles. "You may leave now."

With a small nod and without another word she turns around and walks away. When she stops by the door she quickly throws a glance across the room as her eyes fall on me, and I stare into hers.

That can't be...

The door closes and she's gone before my mind is able to register who I just saw. Don't tell me she's also involved, not her, that's not why she joined. She wanted justi- My thoughts ran over each other as realisation struck me. Ella, the girl whom I shared a room for over a year, had dinner with for over a year, the girl who wanted to join the Military Police in the name of Justice. She was there at the trial, she knows about my criminal past, she isn't forced. She knows what she is doing, who she handed the gun to, what he will be using it for...

I sink to my knees. I won't fight a losing battle, I can't win against a gun. I'm not as fast as that gun. The burning desire to fight in the pit of my stomach fades, I feel my body relax as I accept the familiar thought of death. That is, if he won't do anything soon. I did what I was told, all I can do is wait for this to end. Be it alive or dead. _"Giving up already?"_ When my parents left. When Noah and Ivy died. Recently when April lost her life. Too many people whom I failed to protect - I always gave my all, I was willing to give my life, still they're gone before me. I stare at my hands that lay motionless before me, unable to create a solid fist. In the end my efforts were never enough, I trained, fought, killed and was prepared to be killed, all for the people I treasured.

My eyes shoot open when I feel the cold barrel of the gun poking my head. My fists instantly bawl, painfully so. It's as if the contact between me and the deadly object triggers something inside me. I can't give up. Kay is still alive, Levi is here for me. That's reason enough for me to keep on living, to keep fighting and trying until my final breath.

I'm about to make a move when I hear a heavy something bounce onto the floor. I turn my head to look past Zack as he too, stares at it in confusion. "What is th-"

Before he is able to complete the sentence the room is filled with black smoke, blackening my vision almost entirely. Immediately I stand up but I can't see a hand before my eyes. I stand still, coughing and not knowing what to expect, when I suddenly feel two strong hands on my hip pulling me close to the person they belong to.

"Hold on." I hear him say, his breath fanning against my ear as he pulls me up. Relief washes over me as I let out a shuddering breath, Instinctively tightly wrapping my arms around his neck as his hand slips under my legs.

I feel his body shift underneath me and then, suddenly I'm greeted by a cool breeze. The sound of shattering glass fills my drums and even though my sight is still hazy, I can recognise the outside world.

I inhale deeply, letting my lungs be filled with fresh air as let my head fall against him, closing my eyes. Levi squeezes my leg in order to get my attention and when I open my eyes he speaks while he eyes me with a serious and worried face. "No matter what, keep yourself awake or you'll lose consciousness."

My eyes feel heavy. It's just that now I don't have to be on guard, well, a hundred percent, so my body relaxes with the thought that my safety is in Levi's care, I can feel myself slip away. "Took you long enough." I mumble, forcing my eyes open as I tighten my grip and press my head against him. My eyes are open, but I'm not fully conscious as I blankly stare at my surroundings, trees passing by as we head deeper into the forest.


	23. Chapter 23

The purple glow at the horizon illuminates the curtains as they dance above the wooden floor. Dawn blossoms on the horizon, yet another beginning of a new day. Sunbeams stretch across the room, now reaching the bed as the sun arises above the hills, climbing further into the light clouded sky.

When the burning light blinds my vision, I groan at the intrusion and snuggle closer against the warm body next to mine, my hand across his stomach and head against his chest. A feeling of peace and serenity nestles inside me as I listen to the chirping of the birds on this early morning.

But it's short lived, because life, unfortunately, doesn't take a break. I don't have the luxury of time. I'm in my own house, in my own bed but still a prisoner, to a certain extend. This new day will once again rob me from my peace and throw me into an never ending abyss of questions and doubts, worries and stress. Thoughts about what next and what if.

But I can't let that stop me now, can I? All of this pain I'm dealing with are mostly just thoughts, toxic thoughts that cause me to shatter a mirror at night, cry like I've never done before. I open my eyes again and stare at the blankets that holds our heat, watching it rise and fall in rhythm with Levi's breaths. I've come this far, I've got people who got my back and will protect me, support me endlessly like they've shown time and time again. I can't let them get to me, so if I'll just think positive thoughts...

I glance up to Levi, watching his relaxed face and closed eyes, appearing deceptively younger than usual. His breaths are steady and soft, in and exhaling through his nose. I sit up straight and lean against the wall as the cold of the room immediately causes goosebumps across my arms, but I hum in pleasure as the breath of fresh air cools my hot cheeks.

The room now glows from the morning sun, and the tiny broken mirror pieces that still lie scattered around the floor glisten brightly in the room. I look over to the top of the drawer where the mirror used to stand, now I'm greeted by a dull white wall. Once again I look over to Levi as he meets my gaze.

"What is it?" He asks before I even registered that I was staring right into his eyes and he is looking back.

"You're awake?" I asked surprised. I almost want to face palm myself, because obviously he's awake.

Luckily he doesn't comment on it, I'm sure the early morning is to blame. "Quite a while." He says, his voice much clearer than mine, confirming that in fact he was. He sits up straight and lifts his brow, probably waiting for an answer to my question. "You've been staring out the window for a while."

I shake my head as I faintly smile. "The storm has passed." I react. The thought suddenly occurs. "I haven't seen the blue sky in days." I think out loud, not necessarily directing it to Levi nor answering his question with it. Can't even remember what it was about as I stare out the small window, the clouds rolling by as the sun climbs. "Slept well?" I look back at him again to see he now sits at the edge of the bed.

"Surprisingly well." He says smugly, meeting my eyes as a grin marks his face. I squint my eyes at him but his grin only increases as he stands up and walks out of the room.

"Me too." I yawn as I let myself fall back on the bed.

"And you're not bored out of your mind?" I whine as I lie with my face flat against the kitchen table, watching Levi dust op the house.

"If you're that bored you could clean help clean up your own house." He stops to look at me and then glances around with a broom in his hand. "It's dirty."

"It's not a priority right now." I sigh as I lean my head against the palm of my hand. "Besides." I begin before I let myself fall back to the table again. "It would bore me even more."

He doesn't comment but simply gets back to work. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without him. My own house became my own prison and I don't know how I feel about that. What did I do before to kill time? This house used to be noisy and busy, filled with chattering and laughter. April was a handful on her own, but one that surely entertained me. "Walking." I murmur to myself. I used to wander outside, discovering new places as I would stroll through the forest and alongside the lake. Something as boring as walking is my hobby. Maybe it's because I've been denied access to walk on the earths soil and had to stare up at it instead.

Abruptly, my new record of staring at nothing is interrupted as something is thrown into my face. I pull it away and lean my elbows on the table top. "My vest?" I ask confused as I look up to Levi.

"You want to go outside, right?" He questions as he already stands by the door. "What are you waiting for?"

With the vest in my hands I stand up, eying him doubtfully. "Are you sure that's okay? What if-"

"If something happens we'll deal with it then." He interrupts me. "Hurry before I change my mind." He opens the door and is the first to leave.

But what if Zack comes? Someone is supposed to stay here, for he surely wants to contact me. And since I can't go anywhere without him, means that I'm not allowed to leave at all.

I unfold the vest and put it on, running after Levi as I reach his side. Not today, I decide. I won't let the what now and what ifs ruin this day. Positive thoughts, I think to myself as I look over to Levi and offer him a smile of gratitude. "Thank you." I say and hook my arm around his. He looks at me clinging to his arm but simply let's me be.

We walk in absolute peace among the trees on the pristine path. Time passed slowly with nothing to do, but walking in the woods makes me forget about all the events for a while. The grass dances in the wind as the amber leaves decorate the soil before us, twigs snapping under the weight of our feet. I inhale deeply as the earthy scent reaches my nostrils.

"You seem to enjoy this more than I thought you would." He comments.

"Does it surprise you?"


End file.
